made her swallow all her sweat
i've been carrying this personal steeple. this standard to uphold. i seem to think i have to make somre lifetime pilar, some awe-inspiring mass of work, for others to see and percieve me by.but i can't sit still to concentrate on it.the process of transit is my beast of burden. guilt filled trips where i'm doing nothing really. except compounding this helpless ness. driving to work, to school, to the store, to thanksgiving. i never want to do any of it. i just need a chauffer.
i eat so much when food is free. i'm at my mother's house and for breakfast i just had organic yogurt, a peanut-butter sadnwich, and enough green tea for the masses.
i've been reading so much. enough that now i can look at the pages and they all seem to have some inherent meaning other than whats actually written on the page. themetaphor for life is all around me. i can't quit applying every little criticism to myself.
everywhere i go i hear the song "you're so vain" by carly simon. even at coram's lst night, it started playing with juli sitting there. i don't think she believes me when i say it follows me.
is it wrong, or revealing that i can sometimes identify with andrea dworkin's theories on female violation and objectification? my philo class seems to think that her essays spawned from extreme abuse and if she had been under normal circumstances she would not hold the same beliefs.
i went to three god damned cd stores yesterday and couldn't find the slowreader album i wanted. danny was so patient with me.
i really don't want to burden him with all my mental dilhemmas, but i need someone to talk to, face to face, who would jus listen and not lecture me. i con't follow orders. no matter how many times i hear that it's irrational or bad, i can't just order it to turn off.
"it". yeah, i'd really be a dork if i told livejournal.
today is buy nothing day. everyone should resist the gluttony of the sales and stay home. celebrate alternative indulgences. dance, sing, be merry.
and when you do teach me how.
i gotta drive today. yuck.
refusal of the anesthetic for this amputee
pull off parts and
pull off pieces
i know you're looking down
won't you give me the strength
cut these arms free
pull this bullet through my brain
i eat so much when food is free. i'm at my mother's house and for breakfast i just had organic yogurt, a peanut-butter sadnwich, and enough green tea for the masses.
i've been reading so much. enough that now i can look at the pages and they all seem to have some inherent meaning other than whats actually written on the page. themetaphor for life is all around me. i can't quit applying every little criticism to myself.
everywhere i go i hear the song "you're so vain" by carly simon. even at coram's lst night, it started playing with juli sitting there. i don't think she believes me when i say it follows me.
is it wrong, or revealing that i can sometimes identify with andrea dworkin's theories on female violation and objectification? my philo class seems to think that her essays spawned from extreme abuse and if she had been under normal circumstances she would not hold the same beliefs.
i went to three god damned cd stores yesterday and couldn't find the slowreader album i wanted. danny was so patient with me.
i really don't want to burden him with all my mental dilhemmas, but i need someone to talk to, face to face, who would jus listen and not lecture me. i con't follow orders. no matter how many times i hear that it's irrational or bad, i can't just order it to turn off.
"it". yeah, i'd really be a dork if i told livejournal.
today is buy nothing day. everyone should resist the gluttony of the sales and stay home. celebrate alternative indulgences. dance, sing, be merry.
and when you do teach me how.
i gotta drive today. yuck.
refusal of the anesthetic for this amputee
pull off parts and
pull off pieces
i know you're looking down
won't you give me the strength
cut these arms free
pull this bullet through my brain