Anxiety
Had my first meltdown last night, involving [Query] and Dr. Sketchy.
Odd experience to be aware that I was being irrational while I was gearing up to
explode in a fit of tears. I felt really bad for Shawn, in retrospect, he was trying to help..
But, really, the LAST thing on my mind - is me. My costume, my persona, my
chance of getting my name out in the Portland universe. -psh-
It was incredibly difficult to get him to understand that, I didn't care.
Because, I don't. I don't want recognition - I just want everyone involved
to leave having a positive experience.
My priority are my performers - making sure they have all the information
they need to walk into the event feeling confident and excited to be there.
-ack- This has been a major mental game, building something from nothing.
Having not an ounce of experience about putting on a show of this size.
Reflecting back - did I bite too big?
3 DJs
4 Models (2 dancing Burlesque)
2-3 GoGos
1 Door Gentlemen
Roughly - give or take - that's 10 people, that for the past month and some;
I've filled their in boxes with updates.
AGHHH! I really hope people show up.
The last thing I want is for this event to feel like it was put on by an
amateur - yeah, yeah, I am an amateur - but I have a really strong vision.
There's still a lot of work to be done - and sitting in front of my computer
stressing.. isn't going to get me anywhere.
Odd experience to be aware that I was being irrational while I was gearing up to
explode in a fit of tears. I felt really bad for Shawn, in retrospect, he was trying to help..
But, really, the LAST thing on my mind - is me. My costume, my persona, my
chance of getting my name out in the Portland universe. -psh-
It was incredibly difficult to get him to understand that, I didn't care.
Because, I don't. I don't want recognition - I just want everyone involved
to leave having a positive experience.
My priority are my performers - making sure they have all the information
they need to walk into the event feeling confident and excited to be there.
-ack- This has been a major mental game, building something from nothing.
Having not an ounce of experience about putting on a show of this size.
Reflecting back - did I bite too big?
3 DJs
4 Models (2 dancing Burlesque)
2-3 GoGos
1 Door Gentlemen
Roughly - give or take - that's 10 people, that for the past month and some;
I've filled their in boxes with updates.
AGHHH! I really hope people show up.
The last thing I want is for this event to feel like it was put on by an
amateur - yeah, yeah, I am an amateur - but I have a really strong vision.
There's still a lot of work to be done - and sitting in front of my computer
stressing.. isn't going to get me anywhere.