Really angsty, if you want you can ignore it.
Wow I have not updated for a while. There really isn't much new to say other than that I'm leaving on monday to basic training. I have not worked out at all and only a few days left I don't think anything can save me. Well it could have been worse I could have joined the marines or something, hopefully the air force won't be too hard on me. ^_^
I'm a little worried, nervous, scared even. Though I think I will probably be able to brave the month and a half of basic. Somehow...
I really don't regret my decision except the fact that I have not taken the time to contact anyone. Granted I feel pretty shitty that nobody has called me, but that is to be expected as I never reciprocate. Well that's always what I get.
I think because it's finally hit me that I will be leaving that I'm overly angsty. This is extremely embarrassing knowing that I'm not leaving forever and that I'm not going away to die. It's more the feeling of awe as I realize my life could have strayed a thousand different ways and I am merely just living out one of them. I wonder if I had done differently how I would have turned out. If I had a time machine there would be many things I would change. I would do better in school, be more outgoing, and a stronger person to name a few things I would change. Luckily I'm going to live a good route that will allow me to make up a lot of my failures. I will go to school and do well, I will try to be more outgoing, and be stronger when needed. I want to be able to go to a place where I don't know anyone and be able to live and not be depressed and angsty like I am now. I have a lot to change, but I think this is a great opportunity. I know I haven't been the most independent person,in fact I know that there are many things that I am too dependent on. I want to be able to live on my own and be happy with it. I joined the military because I was sick of the life I was living, so I want change. I hope I do well, I really hope I do well. I don't know what I will do if I have to return here with my tail between my legs not knowing what else to do. I know to say this will humiliate me if I do fail, but I think I will do great. I never had much confidence in anything really, but I think I will do great and succeed. I hope no one laughs at me for being stupid, but it's not really a feeling of being gung-ho, rather a feeling that there is something that I have dedicated myself to do and I will do my best to fulfill it. I've never really felt this way before, I don't think I've ever been that serious before. I always say things that I never do and I have always resented the laziness in me that never strives to make me a better person. I remember people always telling me how mellow I am and realizing I hated that personality. I don't want to just sit by and watch everyone to surpass me as I'm just mellowing out. I'm sick of watching people doing things with their lives and just wallowing in self pity. I finally did something, and granted the decision really wasn't an independent one, I think I will gain something great from it. Wow...this is so humiliating and yet uplifting because I think I have faced all that I hated in myself and want to change and I think I will. Even if I change in the slightest I think I can be happy because sometimes I feel downright miserable thinking that I'm just stagnating in all the things I like to do and ignoring all the things I should be doing. I'm glad I'm going, scared, but glad.
I'm leaving all the things I found comforting and safe going away by myself...that's cool. I think this is so good for me. I just hope that if I do change that people aren't weirded out, I don't want people to think that the military changed me, but more that I used that as an excuse to change really. I guess I really couldn't care either way as long as I stop being so god damned angsty. ^_^
Well overall if you've finally made it after all my ranting, I will miss everyone. I will miss this stupid town that I always said I hated because it's that stupid town I hated but had all the people that I loved in it. I will come back to visit and be reminded of how shitty it is, since I bet it will be in the summer with my luck, and also do a victory dance! I am so overplaying this and being melodramatic, but I promise I won't be angsty anymore. I will have actual things of interest to talk about other than being an otaku and post pictures of random crap. It would be great if I go overseas! Anywho I think I have wasted more of everyone's time and if you've made it to the ending I gratefully thank you! This will be my last post for a while (nothing new) until I get out of basic and get internet or can hi-jack a computer sometime. So I hope everyone stays healthy! Do good in school, tests and all, study! Don't do drugs...and have fun! I hopefully will be doing the same god knows where. So melodramatic, but bye! Love you all!
I'm a little worried, nervous, scared even. Though I think I will probably be able to brave the month and a half of basic. Somehow...
I really don't regret my decision except the fact that I have not taken the time to contact anyone. Granted I feel pretty shitty that nobody has called me, but that is to be expected as I never reciprocate. Well that's always what I get.
I think because it's finally hit me that I will be leaving that I'm overly angsty. This is extremely embarrassing knowing that I'm not leaving forever and that I'm not going away to die. It's more the feeling of awe as I realize my life could have strayed a thousand different ways and I am merely just living out one of them. I wonder if I had done differently how I would have turned out. If I had a time machine there would be many things I would change. I would do better in school, be more outgoing, and a stronger person to name a few things I would change. Luckily I'm going to live a good route that will allow me to make up a lot of my failures. I will go to school and do well, I will try to be more outgoing, and be stronger when needed. I want to be able to go to a place where I don't know anyone and be able to live and not be depressed and angsty like I am now. I have a lot to change, but I think this is a great opportunity. I know I haven't been the most independent person,in fact I know that there are many things that I am too dependent on. I want to be able to live on my own and be happy with it. I joined the military because I was sick of the life I was living, so I want change. I hope I do well, I really hope I do well. I don't know what I will do if I have to return here with my tail between my legs not knowing what else to do. I know to say this will humiliate me if I do fail, but I think I will do great. I never had much confidence in anything really, but I think I will do great and succeed. I hope no one laughs at me for being stupid, but it's not really a feeling of being gung-ho, rather a feeling that there is something that I have dedicated myself to do and I will do my best to fulfill it. I've never really felt this way before, I don't think I've ever been that serious before. I always say things that I never do and I have always resented the laziness in me that never strives to make me a better person. I remember people always telling me how mellow I am and realizing I hated that personality. I don't want to just sit by and watch everyone to surpass me as I'm just mellowing out. I'm sick of watching people doing things with their lives and just wallowing in self pity. I finally did something, and granted the decision really wasn't an independent one, I think I will gain something great from it. Wow...this is so humiliating and yet uplifting because I think I have faced all that I hated in myself and want to change and I think I will. Even if I change in the slightest I think I can be happy because sometimes I feel downright miserable thinking that I'm just stagnating in all the things I like to do and ignoring all the things I should be doing. I'm glad I'm going, scared, but glad.
I'm leaving all the things I found comforting and safe going away by myself...that's cool. I think this is so good for me. I just hope that if I do change that people aren't weirded out, I don't want people to think that the military changed me, but more that I used that as an excuse to change really. I guess I really couldn't care either way as long as I stop being so god damned angsty. ^_^
Well overall if you've finally made it after all my ranting, I will miss everyone. I will miss this stupid town that I always said I hated because it's that stupid town I hated but had all the people that I loved in it. I will come back to visit and be reminded of how shitty it is, since I bet it will be in the summer with my luck, and also do a victory dance! I am so overplaying this and being melodramatic, but I promise I won't be angsty anymore. I will have actual things of interest to talk about other than being an otaku and post pictures of random crap. It would be great if I go overseas! Anywho I think I have wasted more of everyone's time and if you've made it to the ending I gratefully thank you! This will be my last post for a while (nothing new) until I get out of basic and get internet or can hi-jack a computer sometime. So I hope everyone stays healthy! Do good in school, tests and all, study! Don't do drugs...and have fun! I hopefully will be doing the same god knows where. So melodramatic, but bye! Love you all!