This entry has adult concepts.
My favorite kinds of days are ones that are filled with amazing surprises, so when holidays are fun and surprising, bonus!
We didn't have any real plans for the 4th, because we hadn't got in touch with anyone but I knew we'd be hanging out with my sister and we'd probably tag along with someone else's plans. I totally wanted to go somewhere with water, so I put on my bathing suit in the morning convinced it would bring the water to me. It worked!
It looked like it was going to be a sucky day b/c by 2 we still didn't have a real plan other than making some food and going to the resevoir on Mt. Tabor to see the fireworks, but my sister was all mopey and lonely-feeling so it didn't look like it was going to be a good time. But then our friends Ethan and Marcella called and invited us to join them at the river, which was EXACTLY what I wanted! Yay!
So we got some beer and drove out to Sauvie Island to kick it in the Willamette River. Turns out the beach Marcella was taking us to was clothing optional! That's cool, I was raised a hippie going to the Yuba River which is entirely clothing optional. But there's apparently a special community that makes this beach their regular hang out, and they are all 60 and orange and very fastidious about their hair removal.
There was a string of boats tied off just off the shore, with awesome names like "7 Day Weekend". There were mostly older couples and hippies with naked kids lying out on the beach, but LOTS of people spent the afternoon cruising up and down the shore chatting with others, and pretty much casually displaying their nakedness. Highlights of the afternoon included:
Our neighbor, a Rip Taylor-esque gentleman in a pink leopard thong gushing about how beautiful my friend was because she's black, and how great her sense of style and color coordination must be because she's got that "Bermuda ancestry." He also assured me and my sister that he doesn't mind Californians like us moving into Oregon as long as we bring all our California Hollywood money with us, and he asked exuberantly about my husband's "walking disease," complete with hand gesture. His tiny toothless Cuban boyfriend had a habit of breaking into giggles and strange dance moves.
The captain of the 7 Day Weekend was this rad dude with a Sammy Hagar hair cut who would kick it Captain Morgan style on the deck of his boat, then take his boxer out on his smaller motor boat and zip around the shore for a bit, then come back and love up on his lady friend. There was an obvious Uncle Junior situation going on where one old man was flocked by two young stripper girls and one younger guy who stayed in the drivers seat the whole time--possibly the boat chaffeur.
And of the promenadeurs, two men were the clear winners. Cori and Ethan spotted a guy they nicknamed Christmas Tree Dick and we were all lucky enough to see him come back around before we left. From all outward appearances, this guy was just your run of the mill insurance salesman or the like, no tattoos or long hair or ripped muscles or anything else to indicate he was kind of freaky, but the dude had this elaborate piercing/costume jewelry thing going on with his junk. He had a prince albert that was connected via several chains with jangly charms on them to a polished silver cock ring that made his whole unit glimmer in the sun from several paces down the beach. The best part is that his wife wasn't even a nudist, and she looked as average and homely as I would have expected this dudes wife to be if I didn't know about his hardware fetish. There's was clearly a love story of compromise.
This other dude was just unabashedly sporting a visible semi while chatting it up with our naked neighbors. At least we know everyone was having a good time.
Then we followed up the human circus with a nice BBQ at E/M's house, topping off the night with fresh from the fire pit smores. We missed the fireworks, but whatevs. What a great day!
We didn't have any real plans for the 4th, because we hadn't got in touch with anyone but I knew we'd be hanging out with my sister and we'd probably tag along with someone else's plans. I totally wanted to go somewhere with water, so I put on my bathing suit in the morning convinced it would bring the water to me. It worked!
It looked like it was going to be a sucky day b/c by 2 we still didn't have a real plan other than making some food and going to the resevoir on Mt. Tabor to see the fireworks, but my sister was all mopey and lonely-feeling so it didn't look like it was going to be a good time. But then our friends Ethan and Marcella called and invited us to join them at the river, which was EXACTLY what I wanted! Yay!
So we got some beer and drove out to Sauvie Island to kick it in the Willamette River. Turns out the beach Marcella was taking us to was clothing optional! That's cool, I was raised a hippie going to the Yuba River which is entirely clothing optional. But there's apparently a special community that makes this beach their regular hang out, and they are all 60 and orange and very fastidious about their hair removal.
There was a string of boats tied off just off the shore, with awesome names like "7 Day Weekend". There were mostly older couples and hippies with naked kids lying out on the beach, but LOTS of people spent the afternoon cruising up and down the shore chatting with others, and pretty much casually displaying their nakedness. Highlights of the afternoon included:
Our neighbor, a Rip Taylor-esque gentleman in a pink leopard thong gushing about how beautiful my friend was because she's black, and how great her sense of style and color coordination must be because she's got that "Bermuda ancestry." He also assured me and my sister that he doesn't mind Californians like us moving into Oregon as long as we bring all our California Hollywood money with us, and he asked exuberantly about my husband's "walking disease," complete with hand gesture. His tiny toothless Cuban boyfriend had a habit of breaking into giggles and strange dance moves.
The captain of the 7 Day Weekend was this rad dude with a Sammy Hagar hair cut who would kick it Captain Morgan style on the deck of his boat, then take his boxer out on his smaller motor boat and zip around the shore for a bit, then come back and love up on his lady friend. There was an obvious Uncle Junior situation going on where one old man was flocked by two young stripper girls and one younger guy who stayed in the drivers seat the whole time--possibly the boat chaffeur.
And of the promenadeurs, two men were the clear winners. Cori and Ethan spotted a guy they nicknamed Christmas Tree Dick and we were all lucky enough to see him come back around before we left. From all outward appearances, this guy was just your run of the mill insurance salesman or the like, no tattoos or long hair or ripped muscles or anything else to indicate he was kind of freaky, but the dude had this elaborate piercing/costume jewelry thing going on with his junk. He had a prince albert that was connected via several chains with jangly charms on them to a polished silver cock ring that made his whole unit glimmer in the sun from several paces down the beach. The best part is that his wife wasn't even a nudist, and she looked as average and homely as I would have expected this dudes wife to be if I didn't know about his hardware fetish. There's was clearly a love story of compromise.
This other dude was just unabashedly sporting a visible semi while chatting it up with our naked neighbors. At least we know everyone was having a good time.
Then we followed up the human circus with a nice BBQ at E/M's house, topping off the night with fresh from the fire pit smores. We missed the fireworks, but whatevs. What a great day!