Entry 3: Light My Way
The darkness is consuming. Helen turned on the light before she left, but it does little to ease my fear. I know all too well what lurks in the shadows, waiting to catch me with my guard down. It doesn’t matter how safe I am within these walls. It doesn’t matter that she would give her own life to save mine. If I give in to the security for too long, allow myself to be vulnerable in the quiet moments without my protector, the darkness will win. I can’t let that happen. Not here. Not with her. I would rather die than hurt her.
I wish she would come back.
***My tears dry in sticky streaks as I walk. It’s gotten colder, the wind slicing through my thin clothes, making me shiver. I can’t stop shaking, can’t stop seeing the man’s cold, dead eyes. A hysterical sob breaks loose, and I duck into the next alley, pace quickening. The suffocating blackness makes it nearly impossible to see, and I make a startled sound of panic as I connect solidly with a warm body.
“Shh. It’s all right. I’m not going to hurt you.”
The woman’s voice is soft with a slight British lilt, and she pulls me against her as I choke on a sob. “Shh. You’re safe.” She holds me for a moment, then slips her arm around my waist. “Come on. We mustn’t stay here.”
I can hear distant sirens as she guides me down the street, into a building. “You must be freezing,” she murmurs, eyes sympathetic, as she rubs my arms.
Leading me down a hall, she sits me on a bed. “Stay here. I’ll be back in a moment,” she says softly. I watch her slip out of the room, hearing the rush of wind as she steps back into the night.
Alone and scared, not knowing who the mysterious woman is or what she wants, I stand, heading for the door. I’ve barely taken three steps before my fear stops me. Moving to a corner, I slide to the floor, hugging my knees tightly to my chest.
It’s impossible to determine how long I’ve been sitting there when I hear the door again, hugging myself tighter. A moment later, the woman appears in the doorway, expression softening with concern. “Come now. There’s no need to hide,” she admonishes gently, offering her hand, “I’m Helen.”
“Violet,” I return, hesitantly grasping her hand.
She smiles, “I know.”
“Who are you? Why are you helping me?”
“You’re a very special girl, Violet. You never meant for that man to die,” her eyes carefully roam my body, taking in my less than neat appearance, “despite what he intended to do to you.”
Shaking my head, I blurt, “That wasn’t my fault.”
“No, of course not,” she soothes. She’s wearing a long, black leather coat, and she slips it off, wrapping it around my shoulders. “Let me take you somewhere safe.”
Without fully comprehending why I trust her, I nod, sliding my hand into hers. “It’s okay, Violet.” The soft reassurance brings a fresh wave of tears as she holds me close to her side, gently shushing me.***
The first rays of sunlight are finally beginning to disperse the shadows, and I feel like I can breathe again. Will this ever end? Does this feeling ever go away? I can feel the darkness sliding back within me, settling, no longer fighting for release. I could never do this without her. I can’t escape this demon. How could I? My own worst enemy is myself.
I wish she would come back.
***My tears dry in sticky streaks as I walk. It’s gotten colder, the wind slicing through my thin clothes, making me shiver. I can’t stop shaking, can’t stop seeing the man’s cold, dead eyes. A hysterical sob breaks loose, and I duck into the next alley, pace quickening. The suffocating blackness makes it nearly impossible to see, and I make a startled sound of panic as I connect solidly with a warm body.
“Shh. It’s all right. I’m not going to hurt you.”
The woman’s voice is soft with a slight British lilt, and she pulls me against her as I choke on a sob. “Shh. You’re safe.” She holds me for a moment, then slips her arm around my waist. “Come on. We mustn’t stay here.”
I can hear distant sirens as she guides me down the street, into a building. “You must be freezing,” she murmurs, eyes sympathetic, as she rubs my arms.
Leading me down a hall, she sits me on a bed. “Stay here. I’ll be back in a moment,” she says softly. I watch her slip out of the room, hearing the rush of wind as she steps back into the night.
Alone and scared, not knowing who the mysterious woman is or what she wants, I stand, heading for the door. I’ve barely taken three steps before my fear stops me. Moving to a corner, I slide to the floor, hugging my knees tightly to my chest.
It’s impossible to determine how long I’ve been sitting there when I hear the door again, hugging myself tighter. A moment later, the woman appears in the doorway, expression softening with concern. “Come now. There’s no need to hide,” she admonishes gently, offering her hand, “I’m Helen.”
“Violet,” I return, hesitantly grasping her hand.
She smiles, “I know.”
“Who are you? Why are you helping me?”
“You’re a very special girl, Violet. You never meant for that man to die,” her eyes carefully roam my body, taking in my less than neat appearance, “despite what he intended to do to you.”
Shaking my head, I blurt, “That wasn’t my fault.”
“No, of course not,” she soothes. She’s wearing a long, black leather coat, and she slips it off, wrapping it around my shoulders. “Let me take you somewhere safe.”
Without fully comprehending why I trust her, I nod, sliding my hand into hers. “It’s okay, Violet.” The soft reassurance brings a fresh wave of tears as she holds me close to her side, gently shushing me.***
The first rays of sunlight are finally beginning to disperse the shadows, and I feel like I can breathe again. Will this ever end? Does this feeling ever go away? I can feel the darkness sliding back within me, settling, no longer fighting for release. I could never do this without her. I can’t escape this demon. How could I? My own worst enemy is myself.