(no subject)
for a while my eyes hurt so bad from crying. my nose was stuffed. i gagged on my spit. i guess its the first panic attack i had in a while. my heart still feels wrenched on. i feel extremely alone even when im with people. but at the same time i have my chin up. i still choke up when i think of things. its ok . breathe. i sigh a lot tho.
i moved out of my husbands house and am living with my mother and two children. akward. my husband said he wanted a divorce. ehm. he doesnt want to be married anymore. its hard to spit out. or even type. we split up but he was the one who told me it. i didnt really go back begging because he told me that i would never be the person he wanted me to be. so i kinda just said "ok". i guess i love him so much i dont want to make him miserable, and i hope he feels the same way. so if you love something let it go?
i suppose so. i can breathe. i see something in my future. but it sucks. because basically ive been kicked out of my house. i was a home maker for almost 3 years. i didnt earn a dollar and i didnt buy anything so im kind of left with just what i have, or have been given. i dont have a bed or a tv or a playstation or movies really even. we were planning on buying a house within the next year, and getting me a new car.
time for me to find a job. ha. i am planning on going to school though. i can get grants and loans and im just going to do it. theres a lot available for me so i am going to go for the gold and try to become a CNA or a phlebotomist.
all in all. ill get thru it. i still feel really weird at my mothers house. i dont like it at ALL. i hate it actually. but i plan on getting an apartment within the next 6 months. and staying in school and making good grades. and buying my own damn car. and being really happy. no this isnt something that i wanted. i wanted to be married to charles for the rest of my life. i did. i begged and pleaded him to go to counseling with me but he is tired of me. i guess im tired of it too but its still something i would NEVER have given up on. i dont wanna be an option anymore, i want to be a priority, and i dont want someone whos going to walk away from me. i feel abandoned and i know its going to be hard to get thru this. i still love him very much but its really really depressing that he doesnt feel the same way and thats making that love i have for him feel volatile and evil. gross.
life goes on and new days happen. every day has to be better than the next and im starting over.
i moved out of my husbands house and am living with my mother and two children. akward. my husband said he wanted a divorce. ehm. he doesnt want to be married anymore. its hard to spit out. or even type. we split up but he was the one who told me it. i didnt really go back begging because he told me that i would never be the person he wanted me to be. so i kinda just said "ok". i guess i love him so much i dont want to make him miserable, and i hope he feels the same way. so if you love something let it go?
i suppose so. i can breathe. i see something in my future. but it sucks. because basically ive been kicked out of my house. i was a home maker for almost 3 years. i didnt earn a dollar and i didnt buy anything so im kind of left with just what i have, or have been given. i dont have a bed or a tv or a playstation or movies really even. we were planning on buying a house within the next year, and getting me a new car.
time for me to find a job. ha. i am planning on going to school though. i can get grants and loans and im just going to do it. theres a lot available for me so i am going to go for the gold and try to become a CNA or a phlebotomist.
all in all. ill get thru it. i still feel really weird at my mothers house. i dont like it at ALL. i hate it actually. but i plan on getting an apartment within the next 6 months. and staying in school and making good grades. and buying my own damn car. and being really happy. no this isnt something that i wanted. i wanted to be married to charles for the rest of my life. i did. i begged and pleaded him to go to counseling with me but he is tired of me. i guess im tired of it too but its still something i would NEVER have given up on. i dont wanna be an option anymore, i want to be a priority, and i dont want someone whos going to walk away from me. i feel abandoned and i know its going to be hard to get thru this. i still love him very much but its really really depressing that he doesnt feel the same way and thats making that love i have for him feel volatile and evil. gross.
life goes on and new days happen. every day has to be better than the next and im starting over.