"and taste the blood that she cries"
today........today tiday tiday tidaty dtaiyd tiiatdy tdiayt tis dstiu tidayu tdiuyay dtiay dtaid atdi atdy atdia yt tiydasd tiday tiday tdiay dtiatdi tiyda tiyhda tidyta tidtaid titiasydi as tid tso dtdo atdotdoya tdoaytdott ttoidso toyda[p tdoya today......
today i went to dans. i never realized how odd that boy is. he called, at 11 in the morning, and asked if i wanted to come over...rather random... but it was cool, we watched the movie "full metal jacket". twas good. about war. ummm played an x-box game, dans favorite. something with an m. it was really cool. theeeeen watched some original x-men and family guy on his comp. also fun. ate fruit sald, rye bread, and cheese and crackers. mmmmmm.. then i went home. called amanda, im going over her house tomorrow. gah im so busy lately, but its good, it prevents thinking.
after amandas tomorrow i intend to go get my ear pierced and buy some new clothes, im starting to wear smaller clothing. i realize. my clothing is twice the size of me, so i have to get smaller clothing. i actually wanted to buy girls pants, but my mom wont let me grrrr.
lala blah. i write a lot 0_o....i put waaaay too much chocolate syrup in in my ice cream....but its good.
im so fucking confused, its true now. losing hope and desire ends suffering. foundations of buddhism. but if you think about thats a defense that many of us try. if we have nothing to lose, we cant be hurt. its cowardly really, i mean ive done it, and i have no problem admitting my own cowardice. but cowardly sounds very harsh.... its just a response to fear. no, not cowardly, thats insulting to ppl. with everything there is pain. with nothing, you cant be hurt except by yourself.
is control worth misery?...no theres too much to lose, having what one wants can cause so many different things. joy, fear, hope, misery, suffering, pleasure, pain. dark and light go together i suppose. sacrifice....usually intended for some sort of gain. life put into context. what is worth what. end regret. so much to think about, too much pressure and too much at stake for a quick and simple answer. idk.....idk right now...this has gone too far.
my own fucking confusion. this doesnt make sense to me.its just a jumble of thoughts. idk wtf im even talking about, thinking about. throw on other pains, and its a bit oveerwhelming. haha just dont take out on loved ones, and itll be ok. hahaha "our war is a spiritual war, our great depression is our lives." god i love that line.
i miss you.
i wonder how many of you will bother to read this jumbled mess, i mean how many you honestly read all this. seriously comment back if you read it. i dont care who you are, just comment if you read this, even if i dont know you...you creep, reading some random person lj. what? paranoia?....never heard of it.
COMMENT PLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASE just so i know. thanx
today i went to dans. i never realized how odd that boy is. he called, at 11 in the morning, and asked if i wanted to come over...rather random... but it was cool, we watched the movie "full metal jacket". twas good. about war. ummm played an x-box game, dans favorite. something with an m. it was really cool. theeeeen watched some original x-men and family guy on his comp. also fun. ate fruit sald, rye bread, and cheese and crackers. mmmmmm.. then i went home. called amanda, im going over her house tomorrow. gah im so busy lately, but its good, it prevents thinking.
after amandas tomorrow i intend to go get my ear pierced and buy some new clothes, im starting to wear smaller clothing. i realize. my clothing is twice the size of me, so i have to get smaller clothing. i actually wanted to buy girls pants, but my mom wont let me grrrr.
lala blah. i write a lot 0_o....i put waaaay too much chocolate syrup in in my ice cream....but its good.
im so fucking confused, its true now. losing hope and desire ends suffering. foundations of buddhism. but if you think about thats a defense that many of us try. if we have nothing to lose, we cant be hurt. its cowardly really, i mean ive done it, and i have no problem admitting my own cowardice. but cowardly sounds very harsh.... its just a response to fear. no, not cowardly, thats insulting to ppl. with everything there is pain. with nothing, you cant be hurt except by yourself.
is control worth misery?...no theres too much to lose, having what one wants can cause so many different things. joy, fear, hope, misery, suffering, pleasure, pain. dark and light go together i suppose. sacrifice....usually intended for some sort of gain. life put into context. what is worth what. end regret. so much to think about, too much pressure and too much at stake for a quick and simple answer. idk.....idk right now...this has gone too far.
my own fucking confusion. this doesnt make sense to me.its just a jumble of thoughts. idk wtf im even talking about, thinking about. throw on other pains, and its a bit oveerwhelming. haha just dont take out on loved ones, and itll be ok. hahaha "our war is a spiritual war, our great depression is our lives." god i love that line.
i miss you.
i wonder how many of you will bother to read this jumbled mess, i mean how many you honestly read all this. seriously comment back if you read it. i dont care who you are, just comment if you read this, even if i dont know you...you creep, reading some random person lj. what? paranoia?....never heard of it.
COMMENT PLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASE just so i know. thanx