(no subject)
wow... i haven't posted in this journal in a while...
SO BEHOLD SHIT I COME UP WITH WHEN DRUNK!
And now it's time for a story… a true story about the crucifixion... I read to you now an excerpt of the real crucifixion story:
Jesus: "God, are you my father?"
God: "Yes Jesus, I am... oh and Jesus?"
Jesus: "Yes God?"
God: "I totally nailed your mother. She's such a sweet piece of tail."
Jesus: "Um… God?"
God: "Yes Jesus?"
Jesus: "If you created everyone in your own image and you just nailed my mother does that mean you just screwed yourself?"
God: "..."
Jesus: "... and if you nailed my mother how come she's still a virgin?"
God: "I am sooooo having you crucified you smartass bastard."
Jesus: "What?"
God: "Nothing, eat your cereal."
... And that's the story of why Jesus was actually crucified. The End.
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"I gave my love a rose, she gave me a copy of the restraining order."
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You might be Irish if... you go to a liquor store and fill up a shopping cart with cases of beer and various hard liquor and the shop clerk says "so getting ready for St. Patrick’s day?" and you reply with "it’s St. Patrick’s day? be right back..." and run to fill your cart with even more liquor. (this one actually happened to me recently)
You might be Irish if... you go to a liquor store for a 12-pack and by the time you reach the register it's a 1-pack.
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AND NOW A TRUE STORY:
I got to take a political survey today... when i was asked what my politcial party was, it was my smartass side's time to shine:
"What is your political party affiliation?"
"I'm with the tea party."
"Tea party?"
"We're from Boston."
"... so you're in the Boston Tea Party..."
... and that's just about when his U.S. history classes came to mind and he got pissed off and yelled at me. It's a shame I couldn't stick around to hear my friend Jenna tell the guy she's in the Toga Party (fyi: Animal House is awesome).
SO BEHOLD SHIT I COME UP WITH WHEN DRUNK!
And now it's time for a story… a true story about the crucifixion... I read to you now an excerpt of the real crucifixion story:
Jesus: "God, are you my father?"
God: "Yes Jesus, I am... oh and Jesus?"
Jesus: "Yes God?"
God: "I totally nailed your mother. She's such a sweet piece of tail."
Jesus: "Um… God?"
God: "Yes Jesus?"
Jesus: "If you created everyone in your own image and you just nailed my mother does that mean you just screwed yourself?"
God: "..."
Jesus: "... and if you nailed my mother how come she's still a virgin?"
God: "I am sooooo having you crucified you smartass bastard."
Jesus: "What?"
God: "Nothing, eat your cereal."
... And that's the story of why Jesus was actually crucified. The End.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I gave my love a rose, she gave me a copy of the restraining order."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You might be Irish if... you go to a liquor store and fill up a shopping cart with cases of beer and various hard liquor and the shop clerk says "so getting ready for St. Patrick’s day?" and you reply with "it’s St. Patrick’s day? be right back..." and run to fill your cart with even more liquor. (this one actually happened to me recently)
You might be Irish if... you go to a liquor store for a 12-pack and by the time you reach the register it's a 1-pack.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AND NOW A TRUE STORY:
I got to take a political survey today... when i was asked what my politcial party was, it was my smartass side's time to shine:
"What is your political party affiliation?"
"I'm with the tea party."
"Tea party?"
"We're from Boston."
"... so you're in the Boston Tea Party..."
... and that's just about when his U.S. history classes came to mind and he got pissed off and yelled at me. It's a shame I couldn't stick around to hear my friend Jenna tell the guy she's in the Toga Party (fyi: Animal House is awesome).