keep me from killing myself

[violentlyhappy_]

just when things begin to look better....
everything else begins to fall apart
i'm tired
drove 2 hours to see my boy
wrecked my car
i'm terrified
freaked out
haven't stopped shaking
i can't do this any more
i can't afford this
i have no job security
i have no one to ask for help
i'm scared
i havent slept
iwanttopuke
and yet
i have this amazing boy sleeping
wrapped around me
caring for me
and more than anything else
i'm scared he will realize that i am nothing
nothing but a fuck up
i can't seem to get things right
i have neverhad anyone in my life like this
i don't want to let go
but he deserves so much more than a loser like me
yet here he is
sleeping
with he arm around my lap
while i sit on his bed
and type my woes on his laptop
and all i can think about is how much money this is going to cost
how i'm not going to get to see my boy
and how he is going to break my heart
ithinkitrulylovehim
anyone want to float me some money?
i have to call my dad
he is going to yell
i'm going to cry more
he is worth so much more than i can offer
he's the only thing right