Just Because Full Moons Make Me Feel Emo :P
I finished a 6:00 - 12:00 shift today. It was a little chilly to walk through the law school courtyard all by myself. When I walked past the science center, the little hairs on my back stood up (oiye - what a weird image :) because a black cat crossed my path there once. I briefly considered calling someone and staying on the phone until I reached the yard, but then changed my mind when I realized that I was a loser. and a wimp. But it is an exceptionally dank, chilly night, especially after such a cheerful (though waveringly) sunny day. At times, I resent the phenomenon of night - usually it is when I'm alone (it can be quite friendly when shared with other people). When I was little, whenever it got dark, I used to cry and tell grandmother to "make the day come back." Yep - a definite precursor to having Seasonal Affective Disorder. So SAD :P
When I reached the Yard, the sight of freshmen playing glow in the dark frisbee, kissing in front of Weld (always the social dorm) and dancing near Grays cheered me up a bit, but I was immediately hit with a wave of nostalgia and barely came up sputtering. I really miss the freshmen days when I could've grabbed any random entryway mate for a heart-to-heart talk in front of Straus about anything and everything. We were so opened to each other this time three years ago. Now I hardly know anyone in my entryway (except Leslie's little brother Robbie, James and Sarah from BLS, because BLS people are everywhere) - that spontaneity and willingness to interact on something more than a casual acquaintance level is completely gone. I have no more friendly curiosity to dole out. In fact, sometimes, I'm barely repressing the urge to cling to my dearest friends and completely ignore everyone else. I just turned 21 but I feel slightly old and cynical. These days, I surprise myself by making more snarky comments than usual. In some ways, this is the return to the old me, a girl that Jian used to describe as "piquante" (more the "sharp or stinging" than "agreeably stimulating, interesting, or attractive"). In high school, she told me it was a unique quality that would assure me tons of gentleman callers (love those words)! Moinker used to tell me that I was consistently mean to him in ninth grade.
In other ways, my life has reverted to the way it was at the beginning of freshman year, though some aspects have becoming completely alienating and different. I ended up in a Winthrop entryway with a wonderful married proctor couple who remind me so much of Nathan and Michele (they are from Indiana and the wife is an elementary school teacher), but it's so hard to connect to the rest of my entryway. I live near most of my good friends again, but I definitely lost the best friend with whom I shared everything when I was eighteen. And...I can barely feel Robin's light because it * is * a long distance from the River to the Quad. I've booked all my meals for the week because I'm making it a personal policy never to eat dinner alone (or any meal because eating alone * sucks *) , but I identify with Iddoshe's friend, living in the middle of Tokyo, feeling alone amidst millions of people. I'm single again, so it feels great to live on my own terms, but the warmth that I've gotten used to is now gone. I'm not sure I should be left with my own thoughts for too long. Ha - if I write anymore, this will get too emo to handle and I'll be forced to laugh at myself :)
Emo-ness disippates like fog in the early morning light. AND I live right next to the river! So there.
When I reached the Yard, the sight of freshmen playing glow in the dark frisbee, kissing in front of Weld (always the social dorm) and dancing near Grays cheered me up a bit, but I was immediately hit with a wave of nostalgia and barely came up sputtering. I really miss the freshmen days when I could've grabbed any random entryway mate for a heart-to-heart talk in front of Straus about anything and everything. We were so opened to each other this time three years ago. Now I hardly know anyone in my entryway (except Leslie's little brother Robbie, James and Sarah from BLS, because BLS people are everywhere) - that spontaneity and willingness to interact on something more than a casual acquaintance level is completely gone. I have no more friendly curiosity to dole out. In fact, sometimes, I'm barely repressing the urge to cling to my dearest friends and completely ignore everyone else. I just turned 21 but I feel slightly old and cynical. These days, I surprise myself by making more snarky comments than usual. In some ways, this is the return to the old me, a girl that Jian used to describe as "piquante" (more the "sharp or stinging" than "agreeably stimulating, interesting, or attractive"). In high school, she told me it was a unique quality that would assure me tons of gentleman callers (love those words)! Moinker used to tell me that I was consistently mean to him in ninth grade.
In other ways, my life has reverted to the way it was at the beginning of freshman year, though some aspects have becoming completely alienating and different. I ended up in a Winthrop entryway with a wonderful married proctor couple who remind me so much of Nathan and Michele (they are from Indiana and the wife is an elementary school teacher), but it's so hard to connect to the rest of my entryway. I live near most of my good friends again, but I definitely lost the best friend with whom I shared everything when I was eighteen. And...I can barely feel Robin's light because it * is * a long distance from the River to the Quad. I've booked all my meals for the week because I'm making it a personal policy never to eat dinner alone (or any meal because eating alone * sucks *) , but I identify with Iddoshe's friend, living in the middle of Tokyo, feeling alone amidst millions of people. I'm single again, so it feels great to live on my own terms, but the warmth that I've gotten used to is now gone. I'm not sure I should be left with my own thoughts for too long. Ha - if I write anymore, this will get too emo to handle and I'll be forced to laugh at myself :)
Emo-ness disippates like fog in the early morning light. AND I live right next to the river! So there.