Forget to Remember (100moods - Prompt #5: Anxious)
Title: Forget to Remember
Fandom: Death Note
Characters: Light Yagami/Kira x L Lawliet
Prompt: #5 (Anxious)
Word Count: 629
Rating: G
Warning(s): Yaoi, character spoilers.
Summary: It's time to go.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
A/N: Written for pinku13 - request here.
Forget to Remember
It's time to go, he knows.
He can't stay here much longer without destroying himself, and it'll only be for a little while, anyway, he tells himself.
Still, he stalls.
Still, he inhales and he refuses to exhale and he ignores the sound of his heartbeat for fear of helping time move forward, because he wants to stay here where he (believes he) belongs.
*
It's time to forget everything, he knows.
Forget how L used to stay awake night after night, day after day. Forget how he's actually starting to sleep now and waking up with a smile on his face and with a story about a dream he thinks is worth telling for once.
Forget why L uses several different names to hide himself, to save himself. Forget that he's one of the few people who gets to call him by his real name in person, one of the few people who gets to remind him of who he really is.
Forget the way that L sits, the way he's hunched over and trying to close himself off from the rest of the world. Forget how he's starting to not separate himself as much because the world may not be such a bad place to be, after all.
Let go--
--and forget it all.
No.
*
It's time to remember why he has to do this in the first place, he knows.
I wish that I could change the world for you and me.
I wish that the air that you breathe is all that you'll need while I'm gone.
I wish that there has been enough hellos in your life to get you through this one good-bye.
I wish that there--
He stops.
He's wasting time.
He needs L so much closer so the detective can find out for himself, because words inside his head are so very useless and will be lost, too.
*
It's time to lose his voice, his true identity, he knows.
He's not worried about his main goal, his main focus. It can easily be taken care of by someone else, and he has undying faith in that person.
But his voice will be lost, still.
So he screams at the top of his lungs and hopes his echo will remain and reach L's ears when it's needed the most, even when it doesn't belong to anyone in the first place--
--because he's just a puppet, a servant.
A mere notebook controls his every move and his every thought.
(The only thing that he truly knows is real is here and now and holding on so tightly to form one heart, one soul, one life without walls built between them to separate them.)
*
It's time to keep his face, he knows--
It's always time for that, but this is different for him.
His eyes will always find their way to L.
His mouth will never form any words besides the ones that he so desperately wants to say, the ones he can't say.
His ears will only hear that the suspicion of him being Kira is gone, gone, gone--and now, finally, they can live peacefully and they can live together.
--but nothing else.
*
It's time to go, he knows.
Again.
Just walk out that door one final time and then back again as an entirely new person.
And again.
Just leave it all to me. I'll do the right thing, and I promise you'll be satisfied with how everything turns out.
And--
He reaches out to those frail and desperate hands to try to touch, to feel just one more time--but he pulls back, because he doesn't know why he started to do so in the first place.
(Because L is no longer his to find or to hold.)
--finally, he's gone.
Fandom: Death Note
Characters: Light Yagami/Kira x L Lawliet
Prompt: #5 (Anxious)
Word Count: 629
Rating: G
Warning(s): Yaoi, character spoilers.
Summary: It's time to go.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
A/N: Written for pinku13 - request here.
Forget to Remember
It's time to go, he knows.
He can't stay here much longer without destroying himself, and it'll only be for a little while, anyway, he tells himself.
Still, he stalls.
Still, he inhales and he refuses to exhale and he ignores the sound of his heartbeat for fear of helping time move forward, because he wants to stay here where he (believes he) belongs.
*
It's time to forget everything, he knows.
Forget how L used to stay awake night after night, day after day. Forget how he's actually starting to sleep now and waking up with a smile on his face and with a story about a dream he thinks is worth telling for once.
Forget why L uses several different names to hide himself, to save himself. Forget that he's one of the few people who gets to call him by his real name in person, one of the few people who gets to remind him of who he really is.
Forget the way that L sits, the way he's hunched over and trying to close himself off from the rest of the world. Forget how he's starting to not separate himself as much because the world may not be such a bad place to be, after all.
Let go--
--and forget it all.
No.
*
It's time to remember why he has to do this in the first place, he knows.
I wish that I could change the world for you and me.
I wish that the air that you breathe is all that you'll need while I'm gone.
I wish that there has been enough hellos in your life to get you through this one good-bye.
I wish that there--
He stops.
He's wasting time.
He needs L so much closer so the detective can find out for himself, because words inside his head are so very useless and will be lost, too.
*
It's time to lose his voice, his true identity, he knows.
He's not worried about his main goal, his main focus. It can easily be taken care of by someone else, and he has undying faith in that person.
But his voice will be lost, still.
So he screams at the top of his lungs and hopes his echo will remain and reach L's ears when it's needed the most, even when it doesn't belong to anyone in the first place--
--because he's just a puppet, a servant.
A mere notebook controls his every move and his every thought.
(The only thing that he truly knows is real is here and now and holding on so tightly to form one heart, one soul, one life without walls built between them to separate them.)
*
It's time to keep his face, he knows--
It's always time for that, but this is different for him.
His eyes will always find their way to L.
His mouth will never form any words besides the ones that he so desperately wants to say, the ones he can't say.
His ears will only hear that the suspicion of him being Kira is gone, gone, gone--and now, finally, they can live peacefully and they can live together.
--but nothing else.
*
It's time to go, he knows.
Again.
Just walk out that door one final time and then back again as an entirely new person.
And again.
Just leave it all to me. I'll do the right thing, and I promise you'll be satisfied with how everything turns out.
And--
He reaches out to those frail and desperate hands to try to touch, to feel just one more time--but he pulls back, because he doesn't know why he started to do so in the first place.
(Because L is no longer his to find or to hold.)
--finally, he's gone.