[OneShot] Hide and Seek
„I'm sick of pretending.“ Shige had told him almost exactly three months ago. „I'm sick of pretending we don't get along all too well when in reality we almost live together. I'm sick of hiding, Ryo. I'm sick of not being able to tell people how much I love you, how much you mean to me.“
Shige had stared at him, eyes desperately searching for something in Ryo's face. Maybe for understanding, maybe for something that would prove Shige wrong. But when Ryo didn't answer, didn't know what to answer because he knew this feeling all too well, Shige had sighed and had turned around.
“I need something real, Ryo, before I break apart.” and with that Shige had left him. And Ryo hadn't chased after him.
It's three months later and things seem perfectly well and in shape- as long as you don't look too close. Ryo and Shige are friends and no one ever found out they had actually been dating for over three years. Though maybe Koyama knew about this, Ryo isn't so sure about that.
The atmosphere in the dressing room is as always and Shige went on, just like he promised, to something real. Ryo hears the rumors of Shige planning on moving in with his girlfriend when he passes the halls of the Jimusho but when asked directly he shrugs. Shige never talks to him about his girlfriend. He has never seen her and still refuses to believe she actually exists. He feels better that way.
Ryo seemingly moved on as well, at least that's what he tells Shige when the law student asks him. Says he's dating this or that girl and thinks about deepening the relationship but in reality he doesn't even consider it for a second. He's not interested in anyone and as much as he tries not to, he always ends up comparing them with Shige- and naturally they always fail to as much as compete with him.
Him and Shige, for a long time Ryo thought what they had was special. Most of the time he didn't care that the world didn't allow them to go public. He was perfectly fine with appearing as friends on the outside because he knew that what connected them went far beyond friendship.
He knew that Shige had suffered from this, from hiding, for much longer than Ryo did. At first the Osakan had suppressed the sting of jealousy when he saw couples openly holding hands and knew that this was something he could never do with Shige. He had even tried talking Shige into some kind of fan service but the ever so rational law student had just given him a weird look.
“Isn't it more than suspicious when we suddenly act all friendly on stage?”
And Ryo had to realize that, once again, Shige was right.
But he had tried, had tried so hard to keep their relationship going even if they couldn't go public. But when one day Shige had left him, Ryo didn't know what to do anymore.
He tried to be optimistic, tried to believe Shige, tried to believe that it was better that way, that he as well wanted to be able to go public with someone else instead of having to hide being with Shige. But it didn't work. All he did was mess around with girls and he never managed to endure more than three dates with them because they started going on his nerves all along and they could never compete with what Shige had been able to give him.
So he tried dating boys but this didn't make it better at all because he got reminded again of what he had had with Shige and he started chasing for something he could never have from someone that wasn’t Shige. He didn't know what exactly it was but as long as it wasn't there, he ended up feeling even more miserable.
It's almost three months later and while Shige has been able to move on, has been able to make his desire come true, has been able to find what he had felt missing with Ryo, the Osakan still doesn't feel like he made as much as one step forward. He knows it must be suspicious to his friends when he changes his girls like others change their clothes. Ryo finds he doesn't care.
“If it wasn't so tragic I would say it's actually cute.” Yamapi tells him one day, his face a mixture of amusement and concern, as if he can't quite decide.
Akanishi nods beside him.
Ryo gives them both a look. He has no clue what Yamapi is talking about again when all he did was tell them what they wanted to hear: How his last night with that chick from the club had been.
“Actually I think it's pretty stupid.” Akanishi adds and Ryo cocks an eyebrow, kicks his shin under the table.
“You are the one who's stupid. What the hell are you talking about?” Ryo demands, pouts for good measure.
Akanishi rolls his eyes and downs his beer while Yamapi puts on a soft smile and leans forward onto the table.
“It's been what.. almost three months and you still didn't get over it. Don't you think it's about time you acted? One way or another. You surely won't get Shige back by sleeping yourself through all of Tokyo's population.”
Akanishi nods again and Ryo almost chokes on his drink.
“I- I don't know what you're talking about.” Ryo coughs feeling the heat rise up into his head like fire.
“Oh come on Ryo-chan. Even Jin noticed it and you know how oblivious he is.”
“Hey, I was the one to point it out to you. Without my sharp eyes Koyama would still talk about stupid member-ai.”
“What, it is member-ai. It's love between two of our members.” Yamapi defends and Akinishi rolls his eyes.
Ryo thinks they are both stupid.
“Anyway, you were trying so hard to be subtle that you ended up being quite obvious. The point is, you look awful. And everyone sees it. So what happened? Why did you break up when you obviously still didn't get over him?”
“Did he cheat on you with a chick?” Akinishi barks in and Yamapi kicks him while Ryo tries a very weak glare.
Ryo considers for a moment to just go but then he realizes he actually really wants to talk about this, finally. He's kept all his emotions inside for so long and now that his best friends seem really concerned and not at all shocked, he sighs and thinks he could as well give this a chance.
“He said he's sick of hiding... I can't believe all of you knew and never said anything!” Ryo whines.
Akanishi and Yamapi give each other looks.
“Well, we didn't even know you were hiding. We knew there was something going on so it was okay for all of us, I guess. We thought you maybe don't want to make a big deal out of it so we just kept quiet.”
“Wait.. even Koyama?”
Yamapi shrugs as if the world seems perfectly fine for him.
“So you are telling me I'm suffering for a complete year without one of you idiots telling me that we broke up over NOTHING AT ALL?”
Yamapi and Akanishi grin sheepishly and Ryo is unsure whether he wants to kill or hug them.
Ryo enters the dressing room the next morning with a specific goal in mind: If Koyama did know then how come Shige never realized that maybe everyone else knew as well? Why did Koyama never say that they were so obvious everyone knew anyway?
Today, Ryo is eager to find out.
“...and that's why I need a new sofa and you have to come look for one with me.” Shige is just ending his sentence, looks expectantly at Koyama.
The history graduate gnaws on his bottom lip.
“Don't you think it's a bit early? Moving together and all?”
Ryo's heart skips a beat. So the rumors are true after all.
Meanwhile Shige's eyes darken.
“I need to- Ryo...” Shige trails off as he sees Ryo standing awkwardly in the doorway. Need to what? Ryo wonders as their eyes meet for a moment too long.
“Well whatever. If you don't want to go with me, I'll just find someone else.” And with that Shige gets up and passes past Ryo out of the dressing room.
Ryo pierces Koyama with a hard stare, tries to read him, but the older one just winces.
“He's been so weird lately.” Koyama sighs, plops down on the sofa and Ryo immediately draws nearer.
Even though they decided to be friends, Ryo senses that there is a distance between them. It had been ever since they broke up and if he's honest, Ryo also knows why: Shige and he can never be friends. They can be more, much more, they can be less, but they can never be friends.
“What do you mean?” Ryo asks as casually as possible.
Koyama looks at him, thinks for a moment.
“I know I probably shouldn't tell you this but ever since he's with this girl he seems in such a rush. They are dating for a mere month and he already wants to move together with her and talks about marriage and babies and whatsoever. And it sounds so weird coming from Shige. It's as if he needs to prove all of us something.”
Ryo eyes Koyama for a long time without saying anything. Then.
“Koyama.” He starts and waits until Koyama comes back from wherever his thoughts have led him. “Why was I not good enough for him?” he says in a small voice.
Koyama frowns, his look sympathetic, almost apologizing.
“I don’t think it has anything to do with you.” Ryo cocks an eyebrow but Koyama gives him a sign to not say anything. “I think he’s just scared. To be different, you know? He just wants to be like everyone else, like what he thinks society expects him to be. I just don’t understand why he’s rushing so much.”
Ryo sighs and shrugs. Then gets to his feet. He thinks he finally found an answer to what he shall do.
“Koyama?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t tell Shige I came to you for advice.”
Koyama grins. “Why?”
“Because Nishikido Ryo never asks for advice. But I swear things will turn out fine. Even if it means locking Shige away until he’s back to normal.”
Koyama laughs, nods.
He finds Shige on the rooftop. It’s a beautiful picture from the doorway and Ryo stops short for a while to take in the way Shige has his back turned towards him, probably taking in the view from the rooftop.
“Shige you’re an idiot.” Ryo finally says, approaches Shige who almost jumps.
The law graduate eyes him suspiciously all the way until Ryo comes to a stop right next to him. Ryo is not surprised when he stands extra close and yet Shige doesn’t move.
“For what? Because I want Koyama to come with me buy a sofa?”
Ryo rolls his eyes.
“No, dumbass. Because you think too much about what others could think. I had always been wondering, you know? Why you suddenly announced to break up.”
Shige doesn’t look him in the eyes, stares out at the scenery beyond them.
“I could live with you going on, you know? I wouldn’t be mad if you really fell out of love. It happens. There’s nothing I can do.”
Ryo sees how Shige gulps, clutching onto his shirt but yet not saying anything. They both know Ryo is right.
“But I what I’m really mad about is the fact that you give me some stupid and lame dumbass excuse about being sick of hiding- when in reality everyone knew about us and you knew everyone knew- even though in reality you’re just a chicken. And instead of talking to me about it you go and flee and leave me behind completely lost and alone. Do you think that’s fair?”
Shige gnaws on his bottom lip, still unable to look at Ryo, instead looks at his feet.
“Shige damnit look at me. Look at me and tell me you don’t love me anymore.”
Shige’s head jolts up, shock evident in his eyes.
“Ryo, I- what- what if I can’t?”
Ryo cocks an eyebrow.
“If you can’t, then you’re an even huger idiot than I thought you’d be for hurting yourself- and me- so much for nothing.”
Shige attempts to glare at him but then he heaves a heavy sigh.
“It’s not so easy. It’s complicated.”
“It’s only complicated because you make it.”
Shige sighs again but doesn’t object when Ryo pulls him into his arms.
It’s good, Ryo realizes. This is what things should be like. Ryo takes in a deep breathe, Shige’s scent filling his nose and he pulls the younger even closer.
Shige sighs, allows himself to snuggle his head into the crook of Ryo’s neck, even if this means having to bend his head in a slightly awkward angle.
“What would my parents say…!?” Shige suddenly mumbles.
“Your parents would want you to be happy. And your Mum likes me, so…” Ryo ends his sentence with a slight shrug and Shige sniggers, finally wrapping his arms around Ryo and pulling him closer.
They stand like this for a while longer, enjoying each other’s closeness until Shige finally breaks apart.
“Shige, I will forgive you this one time because you are still young. But next time you have these kinds of concerns please come talk to me about them. You know how I’m more for action but sometimes, talking is okay.”
Shige laughs and nods.
“But there is something else I still have to do. She’s a really nice girl and probably deserves much better than me. But I don’t want us to go apart like that.”
“Do what you have to do but do it.”
Ryo glances at his watch.
“Hm, I think we should go back. The shoot’s going to begin in 10 minutes and we are still in our street wear.”
When Shige stands in front of his door a week or two later, Ryo tells him to stay.
“Well, the last train’s going to leave in half an hour anyway so…”
Ryo rolls his eyes.
“Not tonight, idiot. I mean like moving in. The apartment is big enough, my dog loves you and you’ve been so eager moving in with someone that you can as well move in here.”
Shige glares at him, pushes himself past Ryo and walks straight for the living room where Ryo’s dog is awaiting him already. Shige ruffles through its head and giggles as it turns lies down, presenting Shige his belly.
“Is this a yes or what?” Ryo finally says after having watched Shige for a while.
The law graduate laughs and finally gets back to his feet.
“I’m sorry I worried you so much. And I’m sorry it took me so long.”
Ryo grins at him.
“And since we have tomorrow off, we can use all day to catch up for the lost time.”
And with that Ryo pulls Shige by his wrist.
On their way to the bedroom, Shige almost doesn’t complain.
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Sorry? xD Pointless fic without proper plot is pointless. I should really just stop writing sofihsdpgh