(no subject)

[vintageporn]

i havent written in so long. i have a million things to say and no way to say them. i know i am angry. im trying to somehow have a therapy session and all i can think about is bashing the keyboard into the wall. the hole in my heart is gushing hate and im lost somewhere between reality and hope. the phone never ceases to ring. i want to answer and say we are doing all the things you have ever wanted to do so stop fuckin calling. but i know im sitting here alone, and i can hear the clock tick tick ticking and it rings again but you are there and i am here and who exactly am i fooling? the same thing that is killing you will one day kill me. i just wish that one day was for you and that now was for me.

ive never been so terrified.