Definitions
Life is full of surprises.
Just when things are painfully comfortable, I am challenged beyond what I felt were my capabilities. It turns out I am so much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. It's not a strength for others anymore, it's MY strength and I've had it all along. I'm not use to people complimenting me for my bravery and my willingness to remain flexible and gracious. I wake up every morning and there is another day ahead of me to figure out who I am. I love each day so thoroughly and when I go to sleep at night, I think about all that lies ahead and I am comfortable in my infinity. My skin doesn't crawl with the future anymore but the possibility of the present. I had become so burdened by the weight of other people's lives, their feelings and their responsibilities, that my own seized to exist. There is no going back for me. I can only move forward at this point and keep my heart honest and true. I am making something out of what I thought was nothing. I'm finding out just how wrong I was. I am taking full responsibility for my choices in the past and the present because this is my path to freedom. The only control I have in this world is over myself. I'm learning to trust that everyone is doing their very best and I can choose to support their very best or I can walk away.
To everyone who is supporting my very best right now, I love you beyond what I could ever articulate. You make this experience so beautiful:
Thank you to my mawm who has gone beyond the call of duty again and again and given me a beautiful space to call my own. Your support and encouragement is so precious to me.
Thank you to Jessi who has challenged me to look deeper at every turn. I love my morning texts and the fact that you know exactly what I'm feeling before I even do. You are my light bulb every time you open up that pretty little mouth. I would feel empty without your friendship.
Thank you to Kari who has kept me laughing, well-fed, and entertained. Thank you for listening and twirling my hair in the Wendy's parking lot, making me endless cups of tea, and always reminding me where I come from. You are my sister, through and through. You're going to take a huge chunk of my heart when you leave, but I'm going to steal a piece of yours too just so it's fair ;)
Thank you to Richelle who has listened so completely to the dissection of my heart. Thank you for the shopping trips, Olive Garden dates, encouraging me to follow through, and promises of happiness. I love you, little one.
Thank you to Steppy D who has been everything from my math tutor to my shoulder to cry on, sometimes in the same moment! I am so glad our friendship is growing deeper out of this experience. I couldn't be more thankful to have such a caring person in my corner.
Thank you to Brittany for sharing your beautiful son with me each day and letting me sit on your couch before math class and laugh. Thank you for going out of your way to show me how much you care. I will never forget our conversation that first week. You are wonder woman and I will never understand how you do it!
Thank you to Judy for how graciously you took me in and guided me through a really challenging time. You are so welcoming and kind-spirited. I promise I won't "should" myself anymore. I can't wait to see you after the new year.
Thank you to Jenny for making me feel comfortable with being human. You are amazing and I admire how open and available you make yourself to me. You ask me questions that nobody has ever taken the time to ask me and I could talk to you forever. You give me so much confidence and faith in this process.
Thank you to Ty-Ty for checking up on me with his unexpected and hilarious phone calls. We have walked the same path and nobody understands me better than you. I hope you know how much you mean to me.
Thank you to Abby for our Friday dates and always remembering the chai tea...you are an amazing woman! :)
And thank you to every friend/family member who has given a hug, sent me a text, invited me to hang out, or given your time and energy to me in any way, shape, or form during this time.
I am so happy to call you all my friends.
Just when things are painfully comfortable, I am challenged beyond what I felt were my capabilities. It turns out I am so much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. It's not a strength for others anymore, it's MY strength and I've had it all along. I'm not use to people complimenting me for my bravery and my willingness to remain flexible and gracious. I wake up every morning and there is another day ahead of me to figure out who I am. I love each day so thoroughly and when I go to sleep at night, I think about all that lies ahead and I am comfortable in my infinity. My skin doesn't crawl with the future anymore but the possibility of the present. I had become so burdened by the weight of other people's lives, their feelings and their responsibilities, that my own seized to exist. There is no going back for me. I can only move forward at this point and keep my heart honest and true. I am making something out of what I thought was nothing. I'm finding out just how wrong I was. I am taking full responsibility for my choices in the past and the present because this is my path to freedom. The only control I have in this world is over myself. I'm learning to trust that everyone is doing their very best and I can choose to support their very best or I can walk away.
To everyone who is supporting my very best right now, I love you beyond what I could ever articulate. You make this experience so beautiful:
Thank you to my mawm who has gone beyond the call of duty again and again and given me a beautiful space to call my own. Your support and encouragement is so precious to me.
Thank you to Jessi who has challenged me to look deeper at every turn. I love my morning texts and the fact that you know exactly what I'm feeling before I even do. You are my light bulb every time you open up that pretty little mouth. I would feel empty without your friendship.
Thank you to Kari who has kept me laughing, well-fed, and entertained. Thank you for listening and twirling my hair in the Wendy's parking lot, making me endless cups of tea, and always reminding me where I come from. You are my sister, through and through. You're going to take a huge chunk of my heart when you leave, but I'm going to steal a piece of yours too just so it's fair ;)
Thank you to Richelle who has listened so completely to the dissection of my heart. Thank you for the shopping trips, Olive Garden dates, encouraging me to follow through, and promises of happiness. I love you, little one.
Thank you to Steppy D who has been everything from my math tutor to my shoulder to cry on, sometimes in the same moment! I am so glad our friendship is growing deeper out of this experience. I couldn't be more thankful to have such a caring person in my corner.
Thank you to Brittany for sharing your beautiful son with me each day and letting me sit on your couch before math class and laugh. Thank you for going out of your way to show me how much you care. I will never forget our conversation that first week. You are wonder woman and I will never understand how you do it!
Thank you to Judy for how graciously you took me in and guided me through a really challenging time. You are so welcoming and kind-spirited. I promise I won't "should" myself anymore. I can't wait to see you after the new year.
Thank you to Jenny for making me feel comfortable with being human. You are amazing and I admire how open and available you make yourself to me. You ask me questions that nobody has ever taken the time to ask me and I could talk to you forever. You give me so much confidence and faith in this process.
Thank you to Ty-Ty for checking up on me with his unexpected and hilarious phone calls. We have walked the same path and nobody understands me better than you. I hope you know how much you mean to me.
Thank you to Abby for our Friday dates and always remembering the chai tea...you are an amazing woman! :)
And thank you to every friend/family member who has given a hug, sent me a text, invited me to hang out, or given your time and energy to me in any way, shape, or form during this time.
I am so happy to call you all my friends.