The Light That I'd Bless Chapter 23

[vintagelamb]

Please don't hate me, friends.

Chapter 23

Reid spent a restless night, tossing and turning, dreaming of what once was and what was now. He finally surrendered and tossed back the covers well before dawn.

He took a quick shower and quietly went to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee and make a himself some breakfast.

His toast had just popped up when he heard Katie stirring as well. She came into the kitchen, her fluffy pink robe swishing around her as she walked and her hair sticking out in every direction.

You’re up early, Reid. Trouble sleeping?

Reid offered her a cup of coffee.

I could say the same for you…but, yeah, I guess this last 24 hours has been a little…unsettling.

Katie put some sugar in her cup and inhaled dreamily.

I always try to beat Jacob awake. I don’t know if you notice, but he’s a handful. I need some “me” time to prepare for the assault.

Reid smiled and nodded his understanding.

He’s smart, Katie. He’ll keep you on your toes, but you can be sure that kid’s going to make his mark on this world.

Katie playfully punched Reid’s shoulder.

You’re just saying that because he so obviously worships you.

Reid pretended to mull that one over.

Well, anyone who acknowledges my superiority is definitely one step ahead of the rest of the world already.

Seriously, though, I missed the hell out of that little monster.

Katie stole a piece of Reid’s toast and took a bite.

I’m pretty sure you have a devoted follower for a lifetime in him, Reid. Don’t mess it up.

Reid rolled his eyes and snatched his toast back.

Don’t go getting any ideas about how we’re just going to be a big happy family, Katie. I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I’m not staying indefinitely.

I need to move on with my life, and I won’t be able to do that here.

He shoved the remainder of the toast in his mouth and gulped down the rest of his coffee. He realized that his last comment may have given Katie an open door to bring up Luke again, so he quickly continued.

Besides, you have a new…old…man to think about. He may not appreciate finding himself the third wheel to Oakdale’s Will & Grace.

Katie gave Reid a shove.

Why, Dr. Oliver, a pop-culture reference? My goodness, you are a changed man!

Reid moved to the sink to rinse his dishes.

Yeah, well, there’s not much to do when you’re dead. The television offered some respite from my mundane existence.

Katie came up behind him and put her arms around his waist.

Those days are over, Reid. You have a whole lot of living to catch up on.

So, what’s the plan for your first official day back?

Reid gently unclasped her from his body and turned around.

I think I’m just going to knock around town, maybe hit up Java and Al’s…do a little reminiscing. I need some time alone to regroup, if you don’t mind.

Katie shook her head.

Not at all. I actually have to be at the station by 9 am, so I’ll be unavailable until late afternoon. I saw that you have a cell phone, but I assume it’s a different number. Give it to me and I’ll text you when I’m done. Maybe we can meet for a late lunch or early dinner?

Reid gave her his number and agreed to join her later.

He hadn’t been completely honest with Katie. There was one place he knew he needed to see, and he didn’t want her worrying about him. So, he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and grabbed the rental car’s keys from the kitchen table.

As he pulled up to Memorial, he couldn’t help but marvel at the magnificent architecture of the neuro wing. It was clean and modern, even from the exterior. One couldn’t help but be impressed…it certainly gave the Little Hospital that Could a shot of authenticity.

Seeing his name on the front of the structure was what some, less intelligent, people might call a defining moment. Never in his life had Reid Oliver given much thought to what other people thought of him. He’d known who he was and what he was capable of, and to hell with anyone else’s opinions.

But now, he found himself wanting to believe that the honor bestowed on him was about more than just that last sacrifice. He needed to think that his life had meant something beyond giving Chris Hughes his heart. But was that true? Or had Reid Oliver’s greatest event been a lie?

Reid attempted to shake off his worry.

When did I become this needy man? I’ve never sought anyone’s approval before.

Reid got out of the car and walked purposefully toward what should have been his wing. Sure, his name was emblazoned across the front, but it should have been his in a very different sense.

The automatic doors (fancy) opened before him and he took a deep breath before entering. Once he walked into the lobby, he stopped and breathed in deeply. God, he loved the smell of a hospital. No, not the bloody, alcohol soaked emergency rooms, but the smell of a state-of-the-art surgery center. It smelled clean and crisp and…

Holy Hell.

Reid felt his knees threaten to buckle as he took in the space in the right corner of the lobby. He slowly approached it, feeling as thought he was sleepwalking. The noise around him became a faint hum and the activity in the area ceased to exist.

On the wall was a very large version of the photo that had been used in the brochure he’d seen that morning. And underneath it was a plaque with the dates of his birth and death and a small paragraph outlining his accomplishments and explaining that some of his ashes had been interred in the cornerstone of the wing.

This was an incredibly surreal experience for Reid. He felt completely disconnected from the man for whom this memorial was created. There was so much about it that was wrong, that Reid couldn’t begin to wrap his head around it.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he failed to notice the man approaching him until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

Reid Oliver. I’d heard that you’d been raised from the dead like the deity you always claimed to be, and seeing is certainly believing. Basking in your shrine?

Reid turned around and brushed the other man’s hand off of his shoulder.

Ah, yes, Dr. Channing. Let me guess, you’re still desperately trying to fill my shoes? Don’t tell me they scraped the bottom of the barrel and hired you to run my wing in my absence?

The other man tried to hide his ire.

Oh, c’mon, Reid, why so formal? I used to be “Greg” to you, surely you haven‘t forgotten…I can remember a time or two when you actually shouted it quite loudly.

Reid wished to God he would keep his voice down.

Ancient history, Dr. Channing.

I should have known you’d be itching to jump in my grave. How does it feel to know that you’ll never be the first choice?

Channing hissed at Reid.

Always a charmer, Reid. I see that much hasn’t changed.

You’re right, you became a goddamned hero in this town. And that hot little man-boy of yours? The hero worship must have fed your magnificent ego.

Reid grabbed Channing by the front of his lab coat.

You shut the fuck up about Luke. This is between you and me, leave him out of it.

What’s the matter, doctor? Afraid that I may just slip right back in and all of this will disappear?

You spent years trying to be me and now that you’ve finally been able to be some weak facsimile, you think I‘ve come to take it all back.

Greg Channing shook his head and Reid watched as the man before him seemed to deflate.

You never knew me at all, Reid.

All of this has never been what it was about.

Reid stared at the man in front of him.

Don’t you fucking get it, you cold motherfucker?

I didn’t want to be you, I wanted to be with you.

How could you have been so fucking blind?

Reid’s face turned from angry to stupefied.

What the hell are you talking about? You cheated on me with everything with a cock. Hell, I think there were even a few times where that wasn’t even a requirement.

You were the very definition of a “man-whore”, and now you’re acting like you gave a shit?

Greg Channing reached out and put a hand on Reid’s chest.

You never seemed as invested in our relationship as I was, so I did everything I could to try to get you to put yourself out there for me.

For a genius, you’re kind of clueless. I loved you, Reid. I did a lot of stupid shit to try to get your attention, but I did it all because I needed you to see me.

Reid could barely register what he was hearing. He and Greg Channing had met in medical school and began dating when they were interning at Mass Gen. If Reid was honest with himself, he’d admit that he knew from the start that what he had with Greg was not going to last for long. He and Greg were compatible in so many ways…but Reid never felt anything more for him than sexual attraction and a friendly fondness.

Greg was a beautiful man, even now, his dark hair a stark contrast to his blue eyes and creamy alabaster skin and they‘d both been obsessed about the brain, able to wax poetic on it‘s intricacies for hours. But, that just hadn’t been enough for Reid. At the core, Reid simply could not make himself love this man who seemed, in so many ways, to be his equal.

When Greg’s infidelities had become something Reid could no longer ignore, they’d had a horrible argument and subsequent break-up. In the years following, they had done everything in their power to downplay each other’s accomplishments and, when possible, to sabotage the other’s endeavors.

Oh, for crap’s sake, Greg, you’re just being nostalgic because you thought I was dead. Get a hold of yourself.

I’m still alive and you’re still an asshole.

Reid gave Channing just the tiniest hint of a smile, which Channing returned in spades.

It’s good to have you back, Reid.

I bet you never thought you’d hear me say this, but your supposed “death” hit me hard. When you went and “died”, I thought I’d lost my chance to make things right with you again...and to prove once and for all that I'm the superior surgeon, of course…and that hurt like hell.

So, for the record, I’m sorry, Reid. I’m sorry that I wanted more than you could give me, and in doing so, I treated you very badly.

Truce?

Reid looked down at Greg Channing’s outstretched hand. He debated whether he could actually trust any sincerity coming from this man, but then he looked up into Greg’s face and saw his earnest eyes blinking back actual tears.

Reid took Greg’s hand.

If there’s one thing my "death" has taught me, it’s that life is too damned short to waste time on petty bullshit.

Truce. And, don’t worry, I don’t have any intentions of stepping back into my role here. The job is still yours and will remain so for as long as you want it, as far as I’m concerned.

Greg pulled Reid in by the hand that he’d embraced and put the other hand on Reid’s shoulder.

Look, Reid, I’ve heard the rumors…don’t look so surprised, this is Oakdale, Illinois, population 852, news travels fast…and juicy gossip travels even faster.

I know about your brother, and while it cuts me to the core that you never shared that part of your life with me, I just want you to understand that despite all of that, who you are doesn’t have to change.

You lived and breathed neurosurgery, don’t give it up now because of things that were beyond your control.

Reid backed away.

I know you mean well…hell, I can’t believe I actually just said that…but there’s a lot you don’t know. I’m not saying that I’ll never be ready to step back into that role again, but, for now, I’m sitting this one out.

Besides, I don’t plan on staying in Oakdale…so any decisions I make about my career will have no bearing on your position here.

Greg gave Reid an affectionate pat on the cheek.

Reid Oliver, I’ve spent the last 6 months living in your shadow. I see what you meant to these people and the lengths that some of them have gone to in making sure that your every specification for this wing was met and your name was memorialized for eternity.

You’re a fool to give that all up.

Greg then surprised Reid by pulling him in further and enveloping him in a hug.

Now, I’ll fight you to the death...excuse the term...for the head of neurology position, because, let me just tell you, this is one sweet deal…but I have a feeling you could probably own this joint if you were so inclined.

As Reid allowed his old friend/lover/nemesis to give him one last squeeze, he looked up and found himself looking into a pair of beautiful, but livid brown eyes.

A/N...It really bothered me that we spent 9 months with Reid Oliver and never once did we hear of any past or current suitors other than Luke. Reid Oliver was a hot piece of youknowwhat and it was a travesty that he wasn't accosted in the street for being so damned fine. I'm sorry, but I just had to fix that as well.