handheld dissapointment

[vintagejesus]

fuck everyone who ditched me tonight
all of you

i no longer want to go to le tigre
i do not like feeling dependant on anyone to do anything
i got myself into this situation by trusting i wouldn't get ditched
i did
and now i'm fucked
going through shoppers alley alone after i've already been mugged once is just fucking stupid
so you can go fuck yourselves if you ever expect me to hang out with you

unless its convenient, cheap, and i have nothing else to do

fuck you
and you
and especially

you.

oh and if you are wondering why i didn't just..well, honestly you aren't wondering...i mean

we both know you didn't care the first time
frankly
i'm too smart to take that chance again

so.. i'm not gonna say fuck you
because none of this is your fault
you didn't ditch me

but i am gonna say
i dream of a day when someone cares enough to make nights like these non-existent

i already know all the things i'd give up and sacrifice
and i know all the things you won't
i swallow a little of my pride each time i learn something new that is too much to ask

so
i guess
what i really mean to say is
fuck me

you cowardly
fat
repugnant
desperate little nothing