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How Strange, The Form of Fear: Chapter 25 [Harry Potter]
Fandom: Harry Potter
Title: How Strange, The Form of Fear
Chapter: 25: Peter's First Secret
Summary: In school, Remus and Sirius perform a complicated spell to marry their thoughts in a subtle but intricate union. Fluffy beginning, epic-length, angsty ending. It sticks somewhat close to canon throughout.
This Chapter: Peter explains his mysterious behavior to his friends.
Characters/Pairings: Remus/Sirius, James/Lily, Peter, Regulus, Walburga
Rating/Warnings: PG-13, hexing
Word Count: 2105
AN: Not beta-read, sorry.
Chapter 25: Peter's First Secret
Summer was coming to an end. The mood was a subdued and unhappy one. No one, not even Remus and Lily, who usually pulled impressive grades and considered the library a respectable place to hang out, liked returning to school. Sirius conceded that at least he and Remus could see each other every day, and James made the same point to Lily with a stupid grin, but this year was different. There would be no Potters to see them off at the station. This year was awful.
In addition, the world around them was changing. If you went about your business without paying attention, you might not have noticed, but as the quartet (they were minus Peter, as they were often minus Peter these days, but they'd picked up Lily in his stead) browsed Diagon Alley, they began to whisper compared observances and to make note of the differences between last year and this.
"Say," Lily whispered, "Doesn't he look like an awfully shady character to be hanging about inside Gringotts?"
Later, in Flourish and Blott's, Remus hefted a large red volume and sniffed. "This sort of literature used to be frowned upon, not displayed in the front window."
And when they were walking towards Florean Fortescue's to end their trip, James elbowed Sirius. "Pads, I thought Walburga used all her own chemists?" James pointed towards the Diagon Apothecary from which Walburga, in a sheer purple coat that trailed feet behind her, was emerging. Regulus came after, and then--
"Hey look, Peter!" James said. "Pete!" He jumped up and down
"What's Peter doing with Regulus?" Sirius whispered to Remus.
"I don't think he was with Regulus. I think he merely left the apothecary behind Regulus."
Sirius seemed to agree with that, and the four of them practically ran towards Pete, James called and darting ahead. Walburga caught sight of James, then looked behind him, clearly surveying for Sirius. She found him soon enough and sneered, raising her nose higher.
"I guess I ought to feel touched that I make her act prouder than she does otherwise," smirked Sirius, talking to Remus, though James, Lily, and Peter couldn't help but overhear him.
"Pete, we didn't know you were going to be here today." James clapped Peter on the back, and Regulus, still near in the crowd, visibly jumped.
In the tide of people, Regulus clearly wanted to follow his mother closely. His black robes were done up to his neck with a genuine emerald clasp, and sweat rolled down his temples from the summer heat. Still, he turned sharply and managed to snag Sirius by the arm. "Sirius," Regulus rasped, "It's dad. He's dying." Walburga stopped, just far enough to seem impartial, but just close enough to hear and see the conversation.
Sirius looked down to where Regulus' hand was gripping his own clothes: a brown muggle T-shirt that was exceedingly comfortable if snug on his once-again well-muscled form. Sirius was forced to recall Lily's shock when she'd found out that Regulus hadn't visited him while they were both in the isolation ward with the bird flu. He turned and met Lily's green eyes. They held no sympathy for Regulus, only fierce anger. Sirius thought that he might be in love with Lily Evans.
Then Sirius shook off Regulus' hand. "You arse. I couldn't care less what happens to Orion. My own dad already died, didn't he? Just a couple weeks after I nearly died myself. But I didn't see you talking to me when I was sick, or when Mr. Potter--" Unable to finish the sentence, Sirius simply shoved Regulus, who then tripped back into a passerby. "Shove off," Sirius hissed. "I'd trade the whole lot of you and myself to have the Potters back, so just shut the fuck up and get out of my face, you disgusting excuse for a wizard."
The street around them went quiet. Apparently, the brawl between the Black sons was worth watching. Walburga stepped closer to Regulus, and Sirius suspected that she would intervene before she allowed a scandal. Rather than dragging Regulus away, though, Walburga turned her back to Sirius and whispered to Regulus, "Why didn't you tell me your brother was ill?"
Walburga was not half as quiet as she thought she had been. Sirius heard the words loud and clear. In fact, Sirius was not the only one who heard it.
Lily shot forward like a fire arrow, hair flying out behind her. Sweat stuck coppery strands to her temples. "Sirius wasn't just sick. He nearly died. Not like you'd care. Stay away from him!"
James whistled in appreciation, and Sirius even stood back to smirk at Lily, startled and more than a little touched by this display of protectiveness on Lily's part.
Walburga's eyes glittered with anger. Sirius saw just a moment too late what was about to happen. He moved forward to call out as his mother pulled her wand from its usual hiding place-- her bun of black hair. Sirius had long called it "the vulture's nest"; the white wand jutted from it like bleached bone.
It was Remus who had the better angle, the better vantage point, and he yelled and jumped in front of Lily just as Walburga shot a hex right at her. A crimson flash darted from the bone-white wand, hitting Remus square on the shoulder. Remus hissed in pain. The sound was echoed as Sirius jerked, whipping a hand to his shoulder in the same location. Walburga shrieked in frustration and shot another red jet at Remus, but this one seemed to have almost no effect on him, though the cry that issued from Sirius was louder than before.
"What are you doing to them?" Lily shrieked.
James, though, wasted no time with questions. He pushed his way to the front, wand up. Sirius likewise fished his wand from his jeans-pocket, and Lily and Remus were soon drawing theirs. Sirius was panting hard enough that his hair wavered with every breath. He leaned lightly on James beside him. Everyone within twenty feet of them seemed to take a step back, anticipating crossfire.
"You wouldn't dare!" sniffed Walburga.
"Yes, mother, they would," a wide-eyed Regulus, staring straight down the bore of James' wand, answered flatly. "I've tried to tell you before, they've got no sense."
"Be happy to demonstrate... how little sense... I've got," Sirius huffed.
"You needn't. Come on Regulus. We haven't got time to play with filth on the street. Let's go save your father, something the Potter brat couldn't do for his own." Walburga tucked her wand back into her hair and left without another glance in their direction.
Sirius and Regulus traded one last malicious glare before Regulus turned as well.
James swiped his forearm over his forehead. "Lily? You alright?"
"Yeah, it was only Remus--"
"I'm fine," Remus was quick to answer, "but Sirius. How did you--"
"Nothing, 'm fine too," Sirius murmurred, still panting. Remus watched him skeptically as James put an arm around Lily's shoulders. Turning to continue down the street, James nearly ran himself and Lily right into Pete.
"Oi, Peter! I forgot you were there!"
"Yeah, well..." Peter shrugged and looked with concern in the direction the Blacks had gone. "Oh, I've got some," he dug a hand in his pocket, "Anyone want a toffee?"
Lily and Sirius partook, James and Remus didn't.
"Everyone alright then?" Peter's genuine blue eyes were looking up especially at Sirius. "She's quite a nasty bird."
"Yeah, I'm sure her animagus would be a vulture," Sirius laughed.
"Well. Right," Peter smiled hesitantly. "Sorry I missed summer with you all, you know. My folks are being strict again."
"Isn't that odd of them?" Remus asked.
"Well, yeah." Peter shrugged.
"Yeah? And?" James poked Peter fiercely in the shoulder.
"You're keeping something, Wormtail. I can always tell when you're keeping something," Sirius leaned in close to Peter. "I can smell it on you."
"Eh, alright, I'll explain it all, but you have to promise not to get mad."
"Is it something we're likely to get mad about then?" James was tapping his wand idly on a shoulder, probably fully aware of the tiny splay of coppery sparks spilling out of the end with each beat.
"Nothing I've done!" Peter added quickly. "Look, how about we get some ice cream and have a chat?"
"Ice cream sounds good. That's where we were headed before--," Lily sighed.
"Alright, ice cream." James nodded and started toward Fortescue's. Sirius followed, personally eager for a chance to sit down after the secondary hexing he'd just taken.
The day was hot and humid, and the five of them had ordered and mostly eaten their ice cream-- quickly else it would melt-- before Peter had began in earnest on his explanation. When he had begun, it could scarcely be called much of a beginning; he stammered and tried to beg off explaining again, but the group around him was relentless. Finally Peter sighed, tucked in his elbows, and shoved his spent ice cream dish to the side.
"Mum doesn't want me to hang out with you guys. It's not all of you. Really, it's just... Sirius. Mum and Dad think he's a bad influence."
Sirius laughed. "Course I am."
"N-no," Peter stammered, "I mean, like a," he leaned forward conspiratorially to whisper, "Like a Death Eater."
Sirius' face clouded over immediately.
"Why?" Remus gasped.
"Please, Pads. It's not me!" Peter begged. Everyone could easily see the coming storm brewing in Sirius' features, and Peter must have considered that he would be the target of this storm.
James groaned and hid behind the remains of his ice cream cone. Lily pulled her eyebrows down to glare at Peter, whispering quietly, "They think what?"
Remus reached out and laid a steadying hand on Sirius' shoulder, but whatever he had thought Sirius might do with this bit of news, he was taken entirely by surprise when Sirius stood calmly and walked off.
"What--" James stammered, looking to Remus for an explanation, then looking to Sirius' small cup of abandoned and mostly-melted ice cream, as if maybe it would answer instead.
"It's just my parents," Peter shrugged.
"But why did they suddenly decide that Pads is a Death Eater now? He's been a Black all along." James scrunched his forehead.
"Dunno," Peter answered, white-faced. "If I understood, maybe I would explain it to you. I don't, though. Look, I have to go. Please, though, someone tell Sirius I'm sorry. I really don't mean to be blowing you all off, but I thought it wouldn't be fair if I tried to have everyone but Sirius over."
"You're a good man, Peter," Remus answered quietly.
"Alright," Peter's smile was tense. "I really am sorry about them. See you all later." He hopped up and outright scurried away into the crowds swelling into Diagon Alley on this hot summer day.
"Sirius will be fine," Remus answered the silent thought on everyone's mind.
"Everything will turn be fine, as soon as we catch this mad Dark Wizard," James ground out between clenched teeth. Then he shrugged and leaned across the table to swipe Sirius' swiftly-melting ice cream and add it to his own.
*****
School that fall was easily the most polarized and awkward it had ever been. Anyone who mingled with the Slytherins had a shadow of suspicion cast upon them. Peter avoided Sirius, while James, Lily, and Remus hardly left Sirius' side, almost as if they could make up for Peter's behavior. Peter lamented loudly and unhappily about his parents and their stupidity, and then he would disappear for hours at a time.
"Where do you suppose he is?" James asked one night in the common room.
"I imagine he's found new friends," Lily answered, frowning.
"Bugger that. I don't give a fuck where he is," Sirius answered.
"Pads, it's not his fault--" Remus was always trying to smooth over their group dynamics, ease it back into its former perfect mold.
"Oh, like hell it isn't. If I can stand up to my parents, anyone can."
Remus knew that would be all that could be said on the subject, to Sirius. That was really how he saw it. It was why he couldn't give Regulus any slack, as well as why Peter was not subject to his pity. To Sirius, the world boiled down to 'like it or change it.'
Remus knew all too well that there were things you could hate that you nevertheless were powerless to change. But Sirius wouldn't know that, would he? Had he ever failed at something? Really sincerely failed? Remus couldn't think of a time. Until Sirius understood failure, he could never fear it.
Title: How Strange, The Form of Fear
Chapter: 25: Peter's First Secret
Summary: In school, Remus and Sirius perform a complicated spell to marry their thoughts in a subtle but intricate union. Fluffy beginning, epic-length, angsty ending. It sticks somewhat close to canon throughout.
This Chapter: Peter explains his mysterious behavior to his friends.
Characters/Pairings: Remus/Sirius, James/Lily, Peter, Regulus, Walburga
Rating/Warnings: PG-13, hexing
Word Count: 2105
AN: Not beta-read, sorry.
Chapter 25: Peter's First Secret
Summer was coming to an end. The mood was a subdued and unhappy one. No one, not even Remus and Lily, who usually pulled impressive grades and considered the library a respectable place to hang out, liked returning to school. Sirius conceded that at least he and Remus could see each other every day, and James made the same point to Lily with a stupid grin, but this year was different. There would be no Potters to see them off at the station. This year was awful.
In addition, the world around them was changing. If you went about your business without paying attention, you might not have noticed, but as the quartet (they were minus Peter, as they were often minus Peter these days, but they'd picked up Lily in his stead) browsed Diagon Alley, they began to whisper compared observances and to make note of the differences between last year and this.
"Say," Lily whispered, "Doesn't he look like an awfully shady character to be hanging about inside Gringotts?"
Later, in Flourish and Blott's, Remus hefted a large red volume and sniffed. "This sort of literature used to be frowned upon, not displayed in the front window."
And when they were walking towards Florean Fortescue's to end their trip, James elbowed Sirius. "Pads, I thought Walburga used all her own chemists?" James pointed towards the Diagon Apothecary from which Walburga, in a sheer purple coat that trailed feet behind her, was emerging. Regulus came after, and then--
"Hey look, Peter!" James said. "Pete!" He jumped up and down
"What's Peter doing with Regulus?" Sirius whispered to Remus.
"I don't think he was with Regulus. I think he merely left the apothecary behind Regulus."
Sirius seemed to agree with that, and the four of them practically ran towards Pete, James called and darting ahead. Walburga caught sight of James, then looked behind him, clearly surveying for Sirius. She found him soon enough and sneered, raising her nose higher.
"I guess I ought to feel touched that I make her act prouder than she does otherwise," smirked Sirius, talking to Remus, though James, Lily, and Peter couldn't help but overhear him.
"Pete, we didn't know you were going to be here today." James clapped Peter on the back, and Regulus, still near in the crowd, visibly jumped.
In the tide of people, Regulus clearly wanted to follow his mother closely. His black robes were done up to his neck with a genuine emerald clasp, and sweat rolled down his temples from the summer heat. Still, he turned sharply and managed to snag Sirius by the arm. "Sirius," Regulus rasped, "It's dad. He's dying." Walburga stopped, just far enough to seem impartial, but just close enough to hear and see the conversation.
Sirius looked down to where Regulus' hand was gripping his own clothes: a brown muggle T-shirt that was exceedingly comfortable if snug on his once-again well-muscled form. Sirius was forced to recall Lily's shock when she'd found out that Regulus hadn't visited him while they were both in the isolation ward with the bird flu. He turned and met Lily's green eyes. They held no sympathy for Regulus, only fierce anger. Sirius thought that he might be in love with Lily Evans.
Then Sirius shook off Regulus' hand. "You arse. I couldn't care less what happens to Orion. My own dad already died, didn't he? Just a couple weeks after I nearly died myself. But I didn't see you talking to me when I was sick, or when Mr. Potter--" Unable to finish the sentence, Sirius simply shoved Regulus, who then tripped back into a passerby. "Shove off," Sirius hissed. "I'd trade the whole lot of you and myself to have the Potters back, so just shut the fuck up and get out of my face, you disgusting excuse for a wizard."
The street around them went quiet. Apparently, the brawl between the Black sons was worth watching. Walburga stepped closer to Regulus, and Sirius suspected that she would intervene before she allowed a scandal. Rather than dragging Regulus away, though, Walburga turned her back to Sirius and whispered to Regulus, "Why didn't you tell me your brother was ill?"
Walburga was not half as quiet as she thought she had been. Sirius heard the words loud and clear. In fact, Sirius was not the only one who heard it.
Lily shot forward like a fire arrow, hair flying out behind her. Sweat stuck coppery strands to her temples. "Sirius wasn't just sick. He nearly died. Not like you'd care. Stay away from him!"
James whistled in appreciation, and Sirius even stood back to smirk at Lily, startled and more than a little touched by this display of protectiveness on Lily's part.
Walburga's eyes glittered with anger. Sirius saw just a moment too late what was about to happen. He moved forward to call out as his mother pulled her wand from its usual hiding place-- her bun of black hair. Sirius had long called it "the vulture's nest"; the white wand jutted from it like bleached bone.
It was Remus who had the better angle, the better vantage point, and he yelled and jumped in front of Lily just as Walburga shot a hex right at her. A crimson flash darted from the bone-white wand, hitting Remus square on the shoulder. Remus hissed in pain. The sound was echoed as Sirius jerked, whipping a hand to his shoulder in the same location. Walburga shrieked in frustration and shot another red jet at Remus, but this one seemed to have almost no effect on him, though the cry that issued from Sirius was louder than before.
"What are you doing to them?" Lily shrieked.
James, though, wasted no time with questions. He pushed his way to the front, wand up. Sirius likewise fished his wand from his jeans-pocket, and Lily and Remus were soon drawing theirs. Sirius was panting hard enough that his hair wavered with every breath. He leaned lightly on James beside him. Everyone within twenty feet of them seemed to take a step back, anticipating crossfire.
"You wouldn't dare!" sniffed Walburga.
"Yes, mother, they would," a wide-eyed Regulus, staring straight down the bore of James' wand, answered flatly. "I've tried to tell you before, they've got no sense."
"Be happy to demonstrate... how little sense... I've got," Sirius huffed.
"You needn't. Come on Regulus. We haven't got time to play with filth on the street. Let's go save your father, something the Potter brat couldn't do for his own." Walburga tucked her wand back into her hair and left without another glance in their direction.
Sirius and Regulus traded one last malicious glare before Regulus turned as well.
James swiped his forearm over his forehead. "Lily? You alright?"
"Yeah, it was only Remus--"
"I'm fine," Remus was quick to answer, "but Sirius. How did you--"
"Nothing, 'm fine too," Sirius murmurred, still panting. Remus watched him skeptically as James put an arm around Lily's shoulders. Turning to continue down the street, James nearly ran himself and Lily right into Pete.
"Oi, Peter! I forgot you were there!"
"Yeah, well..." Peter shrugged and looked with concern in the direction the Blacks had gone. "Oh, I've got some," he dug a hand in his pocket, "Anyone want a toffee?"
Lily and Sirius partook, James and Remus didn't.
"Everyone alright then?" Peter's genuine blue eyes were looking up especially at Sirius. "She's quite a nasty bird."
"Yeah, I'm sure her animagus would be a vulture," Sirius laughed.
"Well. Right," Peter smiled hesitantly. "Sorry I missed summer with you all, you know. My folks are being strict again."
"Isn't that odd of them?" Remus asked.
"Well, yeah." Peter shrugged.
"Yeah? And?" James poked Peter fiercely in the shoulder.
"You're keeping something, Wormtail. I can always tell when you're keeping something," Sirius leaned in close to Peter. "I can smell it on you."
"Eh, alright, I'll explain it all, but you have to promise not to get mad."
"Is it something we're likely to get mad about then?" James was tapping his wand idly on a shoulder, probably fully aware of the tiny splay of coppery sparks spilling out of the end with each beat.
"Nothing I've done!" Peter added quickly. "Look, how about we get some ice cream and have a chat?"
"Ice cream sounds good. That's where we were headed before--," Lily sighed.
"Alright, ice cream." James nodded and started toward Fortescue's. Sirius followed, personally eager for a chance to sit down after the secondary hexing he'd just taken.
The day was hot and humid, and the five of them had ordered and mostly eaten their ice cream-- quickly else it would melt-- before Peter had began in earnest on his explanation. When he had begun, it could scarcely be called much of a beginning; he stammered and tried to beg off explaining again, but the group around him was relentless. Finally Peter sighed, tucked in his elbows, and shoved his spent ice cream dish to the side.
"Mum doesn't want me to hang out with you guys. It's not all of you. Really, it's just... Sirius. Mum and Dad think he's a bad influence."
Sirius laughed. "Course I am."
"N-no," Peter stammered, "I mean, like a," he leaned forward conspiratorially to whisper, "Like a Death Eater."
Sirius' face clouded over immediately.
"Why?" Remus gasped.
"Please, Pads. It's not me!" Peter begged. Everyone could easily see the coming storm brewing in Sirius' features, and Peter must have considered that he would be the target of this storm.
James groaned and hid behind the remains of his ice cream cone. Lily pulled her eyebrows down to glare at Peter, whispering quietly, "They think what?"
Remus reached out and laid a steadying hand on Sirius' shoulder, but whatever he had thought Sirius might do with this bit of news, he was taken entirely by surprise when Sirius stood calmly and walked off.
"What--" James stammered, looking to Remus for an explanation, then looking to Sirius' small cup of abandoned and mostly-melted ice cream, as if maybe it would answer instead.
"It's just my parents," Peter shrugged.
"But why did they suddenly decide that Pads is a Death Eater now? He's been a Black all along." James scrunched his forehead.
"Dunno," Peter answered, white-faced. "If I understood, maybe I would explain it to you. I don't, though. Look, I have to go. Please, though, someone tell Sirius I'm sorry. I really don't mean to be blowing you all off, but I thought it wouldn't be fair if I tried to have everyone but Sirius over."
"You're a good man, Peter," Remus answered quietly.
"Alright," Peter's smile was tense. "I really am sorry about them. See you all later." He hopped up and outright scurried away into the crowds swelling into Diagon Alley on this hot summer day.
"Sirius will be fine," Remus answered the silent thought on everyone's mind.
"Everything will turn be fine, as soon as we catch this mad Dark Wizard," James ground out between clenched teeth. Then he shrugged and leaned across the table to swipe Sirius' swiftly-melting ice cream and add it to his own.
*****
School that fall was easily the most polarized and awkward it had ever been. Anyone who mingled with the Slytherins had a shadow of suspicion cast upon them. Peter avoided Sirius, while James, Lily, and Remus hardly left Sirius' side, almost as if they could make up for Peter's behavior. Peter lamented loudly and unhappily about his parents and their stupidity, and then he would disappear for hours at a time.
"Where do you suppose he is?" James asked one night in the common room.
"I imagine he's found new friends," Lily answered, frowning.
"Bugger that. I don't give a fuck where he is," Sirius answered.
"Pads, it's not his fault--" Remus was always trying to smooth over their group dynamics, ease it back into its former perfect mold.
"Oh, like hell it isn't. If I can stand up to my parents, anyone can."
Remus knew that would be all that could be said on the subject, to Sirius. That was really how he saw it. It was why he couldn't give Regulus any slack, as well as why Peter was not subject to his pity. To Sirius, the world boiled down to 'like it or change it.'
Remus knew all too well that there were things you could hate that you nevertheless were powerless to change. But Sirius wouldn't know that, would he? Had he ever failed at something? Really sincerely failed? Remus couldn't think of a time. Until Sirius understood failure, he could never fear it.