(no subject)
...i know im not perfect; not even close.
i never wished to be, i never wanna be, cause
being perfect its absurd. how can anyone be
perfect? its unrealistic. i am human. im a girl.
im young. i do make mistakes. constantly. i do
act before i think; i do think before i act. as of
late, i havent done anything right. im afraid all
my choices ive made have been the wrong ones. im afraid
the friends i have are rapidly decreasing in number &soon
enough, ill be left alone. everyone will be sick &tired of
my crap &will just give up on me. if they havent already.
ive given up on me.
i think, leaving post was a huge mistake - i was familiar there.
i think meeting tristan was a mistake; leaving tristan might
have been a bigger one. but i am greatful for everything we had.
meeting stan was absolutely a mistake. being with him was a mistake.
but staying friends is one of the smartest things ive done...in a long
time. not going to buffalo like i wanted to for TWO years was a mistake.
moving back home was an OBVIOUS mistake. drinking is a mistake. being
his friend, could possibly be a mistake. not making enough friends, holding
on too tight to the past, all mistakes. regret, guilt, fear, happiness, love, hate.
MISTAKES.
i think my best friends have given up on me; hate me. the people ive known most of
my life, dont even know me anymore, &i dont know them. the people ive learned to
trust with all my heart have turned their heads...or at least thats how it feels.
no one trusts me, &i dont trust anyone. but then, with the way things have been,
whothehell should trust me? i wouldnt. even if i am happy; i dont think its worth
all this pain.
the smartest advice ive ever heard, was that you should never regret anything you do
cause their all lessons learned. whens this lesson gonna finish?
its causing too much pain, too much sadness &feeling of lowliness. people are waiting
for an apology that im not ready to give. im not sure if i ever will be ready to. &maybe
i wont wanna give it, maybe they wont wanna listen.
maybe they were right; maybe i am a homewrecker.
*this is public on purpose.
i never wished to be, i never wanna be, cause
being perfect its absurd. how can anyone be
perfect? its unrealistic. i am human. im a girl.
im young. i do make mistakes. constantly. i do
act before i think; i do think before i act. as of
late, i havent done anything right. im afraid all
my choices ive made have been the wrong ones. im afraid
the friends i have are rapidly decreasing in number &soon
enough, ill be left alone. everyone will be sick &tired of
my crap &will just give up on me. if they havent already.
ive given up on me.
i think, leaving post was a huge mistake - i was familiar there.
i think meeting tristan was a mistake; leaving tristan might
have been a bigger one. but i am greatful for everything we had.
meeting stan was absolutely a mistake. being with him was a mistake.
but staying friends is one of the smartest things ive done...in a long
time. not going to buffalo like i wanted to for TWO years was a mistake.
moving back home was an OBVIOUS mistake. drinking is a mistake. being
his friend, could possibly be a mistake. not making enough friends, holding
on too tight to the past, all mistakes. regret, guilt, fear, happiness, love, hate.
MISTAKES.
i think my best friends have given up on me; hate me. the people ive known most of
my life, dont even know me anymore, &i dont know them. the people ive learned to
trust with all my heart have turned their heads...or at least thats how it feels.
no one trusts me, &i dont trust anyone. but then, with the way things have been,
whothehell should trust me? i wouldnt. even if i am happy; i dont think its worth
all this pain.
the smartest advice ive ever heard, was that you should never regret anything you do
cause their all lessons learned. whens this lesson gonna finish?
its causing too much pain, too much sadness &feeling of lowliness. people are waiting
for an apology that im not ready to give. im not sure if i ever will be ready to. &maybe
i wont wanna give it, maybe they wont wanna listen.
maybe they were right; maybe i am a homewrecker.
*this is public on purpose.