(no subject)
"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."
that pretty much perfectly sums up how i've been feeling lately.
my life has been amazing lately. i've been having a lot of fun going out..enjoying being 21. i have great friends and family. but most importantly, i got an internship in the city at VALENTINO. getting this has basically made my life set-it's going to look so great on my resume. this is an opportunity i have only dreamed about getting. and i also did pretty well this semester.
but besides things going really well, i've been feeling so empty. i don't miss anyone in particular-just having someone. this is the first summer in five years not having anyone, and it's been so weird. i know i've only been alone for a little less than two months, but i absolutely hate it. it sucks that i'm so dependant on having a boyfriend to make me content. but that's just the way i am.
this summer is going to be strange. i'll be working full-time, starting monday. commuting in the city, working a 9-5, and sometimes longer day. having a hectic life. not being able to go to North Carolina with the family for the first time in the 10 or so years that we've been going. it's cool though, this may just be what i need. i'll be spending a lot of time in the city which is cool. and being able to go to bars is fun. things have just been so surreal lately. i feel like this isn't my life.