(no subject)
i broke up with paul.
i don't really know why. i guess all the confusion just got to me. we hung out two friday nights ago...and it just wasn't the same. we acted the same and i still loved him, but not the way i used to. we had fun, he was as sweet as he always was, but something was missing. i thought about it all that night when i got home and all the next day. then i got high and thought about it even more. i was with my friends having a good time, and i decided to end it. i thought about it for the past few months, but i still think i rushed.
i don't know if it was right or not. i miss him. so bad. i cry all the time because i can't escape thinking about him. but i guess when you spend three years with someone, they become your everything. i tell myself we were growing apart and it was for the better, but i'm so sad.
i actually dealt with it fine the first week. i felt a sense of freedom, although i did miss him. then last weekend, it was hard. i forgot about why i ended it and all the times i was confused. i convinced myself i needed him in my life and wanted to get back with him. so after it ate me up inside all weekend, i called him on sunday. (i forgot to mention how i broke up with him...it was terrible, i did it over the phone, at 2 am, coming down off my high) i guess i also convinced myself that he felt he needed me as bad as i did and was waiting for me to call. i was wrong. he said he didn't want to get back with me. that i set him free and he wanted to be single. he said he was having fun and missed me, but not the relationship. i felt terrible. i don't know what i regret more, ending it in the first place or calling him. i cried like a pathetic idiot on the phone, "baby baby baby, i need you, i love you" ugh.
edit:
the more i think about it..the more i feel it was right.
i AM excited for my 21st.
i am very excited for the new apt. we just got.
i am excited for florence in the summer..and possibly interning.
oh and christmas in a month? HELL FUCKING YESSS.
fuck being sad, i have the best friends and family. it's time to think about myself and just have fun.
i don't really know why. i guess all the confusion just got to me. we hung out two friday nights ago...and it just wasn't the same. we acted the same and i still loved him, but not the way i used to. we had fun, he was as sweet as he always was, but something was missing. i thought about it all that night when i got home and all the next day. then i got high and thought about it even more. i was with my friends having a good time, and i decided to end it. i thought about it for the past few months, but i still think i rushed.
i don't know if it was right or not. i miss him. so bad. i cry all the time because i can't escape thinking about him. but i guess when you spend three years with someone, they become your everything. i tell myself we were growing apart and it was for the better, but i'm so sad.
i actually dealt with it fine the first week. i felt a sense of freedom, although i did miss him. then last weekend, it was hard. i forgot about why i ended it and all the times i was confused. i convinced myself i needed him in my life and wanted to get back with him. so after it ate me up inside all weekend, i called him on sunday. (i forgot to mention how i broke up with him...it was terrible, i did it over the phone, at 2 am, coming down off my high) i guess i also convinced myself that he felt he needed me as bad as i did and was waiting for me to call. i was wrong. he said he didn't want to get back with me. that i set him free and he wanted to be single. he said he was having fun and missed me, but not the relationship. i felt terrible. i don't know what i regret more, ending it in the first place or calling him. i cried like a pathetic idiot on the phone, "baby baby baby, i need you, i love you" ugh.
edit:
the more i think about it..the more i feel it was right.
i AM excited for my 21st.
i am very excited for the new apt. we just got.
i am excited for florence in the summer..and possibly interning.
oh and christmas in a month? HELL FUCKING YESSS.
fuck being sad, i have the best friends and family. it's time to think about myself and just have fun.