My Rapture Song
Ready for the rapture tomorrow? No? Then perhaps you'll enjoy my offensive little song.
If the rapture happens, chain me to a tree
'Cuz heaven's probably full of stuff that I don't wanna see
Men would never get erect
And I'd have to genuflect
That's the last place I would ever wanna be
If the rapture happens, I don't wanna go
'Cuz heaven will be full of people I don't wanna know
Oral Roberts and Mike Huckabee,
Rush Limbaugh and the Tea Party,
And every other loony fundie Joe
If the antichrist comes, let's take him out for beers
He'd probably like my friends, the atheists and queers
And Wiccans and Zen Buddhists
And especially the nudists
Because none of them are crazy Christian seers
If ever there's a place for me, it's somewhere here on Earth
I'm pretty sure the cost of living life is what it's worth
So when they all go flying,
I'll stay here, living and dying,
Somewhere between Schnectedy and Pearth.