(no subject)
I don't really know what I'm going to get by writing this. I don't really know that I want to get anything, other than a nice outlet for self-pity. I'll probably just make it private or delete it later, after having spent the day indulging in self-pity and, who knows, probably feeling worse for posting my angst than I do now because of having said angst.
I must be the most useless, one-trick-pony of a friend in the world. I'm not particularly nice or smart or graceful or anything like that. I don't really have any skills to bring to the table that someone can't do me one better in. I seem to make friends on the basis of one thing and then to be unable to hold onto them, maybe because under the sarcasm I'm just not interesting. I mean, sure I can write. I guess that translates into role-play. But once I can't write anything interesting, like now, as it happens, or my use in role-play is out, there really just isn't much left, is there?
I don't know. Since May, I have a lower opinion of myself than I've held in years. I start crying randomly sometimes. I keep thinking of stupid things I've done. I want people to be closer, but I know everyone wants to be with people who are fun, and I'm just not. It's a conundrum.
I must be the most useless, one-trick-pony of a friend in the world. I'm not particularly nice or smart or graceful or anything like that. I don't really have any skills to bring to the table that someone can't do me one better in. I seem to make friends on the basis of one thing and then to be unable to hold onto them, maybe because under the sarcasm I'm just not interesting. I mean, sure I can write. I guess that translates into role-play. But once I can't write anything interesting, like now, as it happens, or my use in role-play is out, there really just isn't much left, is there?
I don't know. Since May, I have a lower opinion of myself than I've held in years. I start crying randomly sometimes. I keep thinking of stupid things I've done. I want people to be closer, but I know everyone wants to be with people who are fun, and I'm just not. It's a conundrum.