put yourself in my shoes and ask yourself:
are you okay?
i'm getting married in eight days. my mother has proved completely insane and totally incapable of understanding me as a person/adult/daughter...anything...i have become the adult in our situation, this deeply affects my view on life in general. my apartment is growing mold in mass amounts, jacob and i heavily contemplate simply moving. although i do not want to physically move again...a house might be sooner in the future than thought. fucking mold...couldn't you have waited two weeks. on other not so happy notes, one of my two best friends is moving in three odd weeks...hell if not sooner...she won't even really tell me about it. i'm just left guessing and somehow i don't even really care anymore. my other best friend...well, i'm not sure about that either. i feel like one day behind my back this whole facade unfurled that i'm "the mom friend" and i want to scream, "you fucking put me here." i feel like everyone is viewing me differently and i'm left thinking...i still feel the same, what's changed their perspective?
***i went on a long winding rant right here, which i deleted, too personal and vicious***
i'm still left spinning after being rushed to the hospital a week ago. on top of which my emotions are still teetering. i started my period today, and around five o'clock i shrugged my shoulders and stopped caring.
the only thing in this world holding me together is jacob, well...it's him and the relationship we share. it is something undefinable and noteworthy...without it i would be nothing. i never truly saw myself before i recognized the woman he loved in me...the one no one else could find. i've never loved who i am more than now.
if i look much further outside this tiny realm we share, my heart saddens. these strangers to me are that because they've chosen to separate themselves from who i truly am...which in turn causes me to throw up walls and not allow them to see in anymore. once family, once friends...my heart breaks for the fact the seasons are changing...aren't we all...
i'm getting married in eight days. my mother has proved completely insane and totally incapable of understanding me as a person/adult/daughter...anything...i have become the adult in our situation, this deeply affects my view on life in general. my apartment is growing mold in mass amounts, jacob and i heavily contemplate simply moving. although i do not want to physically move again...a house might be sooner in the future than thought. fucking mold...couldn't you have waited two weeks. on other not so happy notes, one of my two best friends is moving in three odd weeks...hell if not sooner...she won't even really tell me about it. i'm just left guessing and somehow i don't even really care anymore. my other best friend...well, i'm not sure about that either. i feel like one day behind my back this whole facade unfurled that i'm "the mom friend" and i want to scream, "you fucking put me here." i feel like everyone is viewing me differently and i'm left thinking...i still feel the same, what's changed their perspective?
***i went on a long winding rant right here, which i deleted, too personal and vicious***
i'm still left spinning after being rushed to the hospital a week ago. on top of which my emotions are still teetering. i started my period today, and around five o'clock i shrugged my shoulders and stopped caring.
the only thing in this world holding me together is jacob, well...it's him and the relationship we share. it is something undefinable and noteworthy...without it i would be nothing. i never truly saw myself before i recognized the woman he loved in me...the one no one else could find. i've never loved who i am more than now.
if i look much further outside this tiny realm we share, my heart saddens. these strangers to me are that because they've chosen to separate themselves from who i truly am...which in turn causes me to throw up walls and not allow them to see in anymore. once family, once friends...my heart breaks for the fact the seasons are changing...aren't we all...