Some Pretentious Drivel That I Can't Really Handle Being Called Out On Today.
He used to have just the right shell for this kind of thing. In his twenties, he owned the hardest, shiniest shell of anger and sarcasm there ever was. 26-year-old Vince, as opposed to 36-year-old Vince, would've known that you can't trust anybody, so don't open your mouth. 26-year-old Vince would've been fully aware of what a bureaucratic shitstorm his life was about to become, and would've armored-up accordingly, with a knowing sneer and an angry stream of expletives aimed at whoever deposited this shitstorm upon him. Would it have helped anything along? Of course not. But at least he wouldn't have felt as bad as he did right now.
On the mornings that he takes his son to school, those 30 minutes in the car are just about the greatest thing ever. Listening to Alex's musical voice talking about roller coasters and amusement parks and different playsets he wanted to get so he could build things (all favorite topics of the autistic child, by the way), Vince felt like he was getting a little window into heaven for just those few minutes. It's funny now, though, to look at him in that car, melting into a puddle of mush as his child speaks. It's funny to know that in about 20 minutes, a lobby full of people are going to be laughing at his stupidity. It's funny to know that he has no defense for that now, nothing to keep him from being shattered and feeling like the most useless pustule on the ass of humanity.
His friend told him that the unemployment office would be slammed, and it was. She told him to be prepared to be there all day, so he was. She told him that it might even be a good idea to bring a sandwich, so he brought a sandwich. And he foolishly dressed sort-of nicely. So basically, he was just begging to be made fun of. And, at 36, he probably should've been able to take it.
Asshole At Unemployment Office Desk: "What?"
Vince: "I, um, I'm not sure where..."
Asshole: "Is this your first time filing for unemployment?"
Vince: "Well, actually, I did just lose my job, but..."
Asshole: "Go through that door, second desk on the left."
Vince: "Um, okay. "
2nd Desk On The Left Asshole: (Just sits and looks at me. I guess that was supposed to be her "What?")
Vince: "Um, I just filed for unemployment online for the first time, and...."
2nd Desk Asshole: "You filed already?"
Vince: "Well, I did the online application, and..."
2nd Desk Asshole: "HE SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD YOU TO COME OVER HERE!!! GO BACK OVER THERE AND TELL HIM THAT YOU'VE ALREADY FILED!!"
Vince: "Oh. Okay. Well, I actually just...."
2nd Desk Asshole: "Just go over there! You're not supposed to be here!"
Vince: "Okay."
(Walks back over to original asshole, who just stares.)
Original Asshole: "What?"
Vince: "Well, uh, I'd actually done an application online, and I got this note saying that they're going to call me on the 14th to discuss my case, and...."
Original Asshole: "Oh, and I guess you missed your phone appointment and now you think that you can just come in here and..."
Vince: "Oh, no, no, my phone appointment isn't until MARCH 14th, I just wondered if I came in and spoke to someone, maybe...."
Original Asshole (yelling now, for some reason): NO! Go home and wait for your call!"
(Lobby full of jobless people begins laughing)
Vince: (quietly) "Oh. Okay. So there's no way that I could speak to someone about..."
Original Asshole: "NO!"
You are standing in the lobby of a building. You are wearing a button-up dress shirt and holding a sandwich bag. Everyone within earshot is laughing at what an idiot you are. You have never felt smaller, more naked, more unequipped for anything in your life. You have never felt hurt this badly, because you used to be a lot tougher and less naive than this. The world is a terrible place, and you're adrift in it, and so you sit in the car and stare into space for a long time. Then you drive home.
On the mornings that he takes his son to school, those 30 minutes in the car are just about the greatest thing ever. Listening to Alex's musical voice talking about roller coasters and amusement parks and different playsets he wanted to get so he could build things (all favorite topics of the autistic child, by the way), Vince felt like he was getting a little window into heaven for just those few minutes. It's funny now, though, to look at him in that car, melting into a puddle of mush as his child speaks. It's funny to know that in about 20 minutes, a lobby full of people are going to be laughing at his stupidity. It's funny to know that he has no defense for that now, nothing to keep him from being shattered and feeling like the most useless pustule on the ass of humanity.
His friend told him that the unemployment office would be slammed, and it was. She told him to be prepared to be there all day, so he was. She told him that it might even be a good idea to bring a sandwich, so he brought a sandwich. And he foolishly dressed sort-of nicely. So basically, he was just begging to be made fun of. And, at 36, he probably should've been able to take it.
Asshole At Unemployment Office Desk: "What?"
Vince: "I, um, I'm not sure where..."
Asshole: "Is this your first time filing for unemployment?"
Vince: "Well, actually, I did just lose my job, but..."
Asshole: "Go through that door, second desk on the left."
Vince: "Um, okay. "
2nd Desk On The Left Asshole: (Just sits and looks at me. I guess that was supposed to be her "What?")
Vince: "Um, I just filed for unemployment online for the first time, and...."
2nd Desk Asshole: "You filed already?"
Vince: "Well, I did the online application, and..."
2nd Desk Asshole: "HE SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD YOU TO COME OVER HERE!!! GO BACK OVER THERE AND TELL HIM THAT YOU'VE ALREADY FILED!!"
Vince: "Oh. Okay. Well, I actually just...."
2nd Desk Asshole: "Just go over there! You're not supposed to be here!"
Vince: "Okay."
(Walks back over to original asshole, who just stares.)
Original Asshole: "What?"
Vince: "Well, uh, I'd actually done an application online, and I got this note saying that they're going to call me on the 14th to discuss my case, and...."
Original Asshole: "Oh, and I guess you missed your phone appointment and now you think that you can just come in here and..."
Vince: "Oh, no, no, my phone appointment isn't until MARCH 14th, I just wondered if I came in and spoke to someone, maybe...."
Original Asshole (yelling now, for some reason): NO! Go home and wait for your call!"
(Lobby full of jobless people begins laughing)
Vince: (quietly) "Oh. Okay. So there's no way that I could speak to someone about..."
Original Asshole: "NO!"
You are standing in the lobby of a building. You are wearing a button-up dress shirt and holding a sandwich bag. Everyone within earshot is laughing at what an idiot you are. You have never felt smaller, more naked, more unequipped for anything in your life. You have never felt hurt this badly, because you used to be a lot tougher and less naive than this. The world is a terrible place, and you're adrift in it, and so you sit in the car and stare into space for a long time. Then you drive home.