(no subject)
Well, it has been a while since I've updated for real. So I'm just gonna let my mind go off.
Man, it's the fourth quarter of my senior year of high school. I'm so jacked, but I'm just in awe of the fact that I''ve grown up. A lot. I had a long talk Friday with Josh and Holecko and Ryan Hruska. We just talked for seriously 4 hours about the past five years. Everything. Dumb stories from freshman year, funny stuff we all did, it was just cool to reflect back on that time. Like rolling freshman year, being chased around Berea by Bridget Whyde's brother. Everything. It was just a great time.
I started thinking about the little things that have really changed my life so far. Like seventh grade, we had just finished the 9 minute run in gym class. I'm bragging, thinking I'm the shit, because I did more than a mile in 9 minutes. Kevin McClelland tells me I should come to the Cross Country meeting the next day for 8th grade year. I told him I was going to, you know I was thinking about it. Then DiFran tells me that he guarantees I won't go. I really just wanted to prove him wrong, so I went to the meeting, and five years later I break 18 minutes in a 5k. That day really changed my life. If I wouldn't have run Cross, I don't even know where I'd be today. So many of the friends I've made has been through Cross Country. Now, it's hard to think about how I ever didn't run. It's such a big part of my lfie every day.
Also I think about this one conversation we had in Ms. Ferguson's class late freshman year. We talked about honor, and what made a person honorable. Until this point, I was just some idiot kid who was arrogant for no reason, liked to run my mouth, thought I was absolutely amazing, and didnt realize that nobody took me seriously. I can't believe I lived in ignorance for an entire year, being totally, and maybe unhealthily obsessed with this one girl who clearly to the world wanted nothing to do with me. I was blind to everything around me, and I can't believe I lived like that. But we had this conversation about, and mentioning who was honorable, and what made an honorable person. It hit me at that point. There was something more to my life than acting like a fool. I realized that nothing I was doing, or was trying to do was in any means honorable. I realized I wanted to have honor, I wanted to stop being such an idiot. From that point on, I've tried so hard to change everything about me. I've tried so hard to erase images people have had of me for however many years. I try to be the level headed one in the group, not act like an idiot, or be so stoic that there "has to be something wrong". I just think I've become a more laid back person, and it's helped me a lot. I go back to throughout the years, just being an angry person, almost looing for a reason to go off. I'd blow up at poker games, races, really anything where I could get a little attention, and I like where I am in my life so much better now. The thing is though, 3 years later, I still haven't gotten all the way there. At least I don't think I have. I still hear constantly about things that happened the better part of a decade ago. But I mean, its funny sometimes to just think back and laugh about that stuff. I still think some people think I'm a joke, but whatever I guess. Can't please everybody.
I've tried so hard lately not to get consumed by this self-righteous crap everyone around me has gotten into. People are thinking way too much of themselves, and it's just kinda comical. People tryin to be all secretive about everything, trying to like one big mystery, because "nobody is cool enough to know what's goin on in my life" kinda shit. I mean, it's cool to have privacy, because I do that a lot myself, but people flaunt the fact that they're keeping things private. That's a huge paradox if you ask me. People don't want you to know what you're talking about, but they show off their phone and text messages, like theyre trying to goad you into asking them what's going on, just so you can say "don't worry about it". I mean, I don't get it, but kids will be kids. It's not really a big deal, just an observation.
It's also just interesting to see how everything revolves around people talkin shit. Everything that goes on socially in a high school setting has to do with somebody talkin shit about someone else. What? He said that? He's such a bad person! Then that goes around to people, and it eventually gets back to the person that said it, and people who don't even know what's going start talkin shit when they have no clue what's goin on. People talk behind people's backs, then get angry when it happens to them. Friendships are started and ended over the most ridiculous stuff. It just doesn't make sense. There's so much hypocrisy with everyone, it's hard to say anything without contradicting something that you or one of your friends have already said. I wish people would just be more laid back. They go crazy about little things like Prom, and who was talkin shit at the party last week, and don't take time to enjoy life around them. They're too busy over-dramatizing life to enjoy it. This happens so much at our school, and prolly everywhere. Yet again, I don't get it, but it really isn't a big deal.
I really got to go to bed though, so I'll continue tomorrow
-out
Man, it's the fourth quarter of my senior year of high school. I'm so jacked, but I'm just in awe of the fact that I''ve grown up. A lot. I had a long talk Friday with Josh and Holecko and Ryan Hruska. We just talked for seriously 4 hours about the past five years. Everything. Dumb stories from freshman year, funny stuff we all did, it was just cool to reflect back on that time. Like rolling freshman year, being chased around Berea by Bridget Whyde's brother. Everything. It was just a great time.
I started thinking about the little things that have really changed my life so far. Like seventh grade, we had just finished the 9 minute run in gym class. I'm bragging, thinking I'm the shit, because I did more than a mile in 9 minutes. Kevin McClelland tells me I should come to the Cross Country meeting the next day for 8th grade year. I told him I was going to, you know I was thinking about it. Then DiFran tells me that he guarantees I won't go. I really just wanted to prove him wrong, so I went to the meeting, and five years later I break 18 minutes in a 5k. That day really changed my life. If I wouldn't have run Cross, I don't even know where I'd be today. So many of the friends I've made has been through Cross Country. Now, it's hard to think about how I ever didn't run. It's such a big part of my lfie every day.
Also I think about this one conversation we had in Ms. Ferguson's class late freshman year. We talked about honor, and what made a person honorable. Until this point, I was just some idiot kid who was arrogant for no reason, liked to run my mouth, thought I was absolutely amazing, and didnt realize that nobody took me seriously. I can't believe I lived in ignorance for an entire year, being totally, and maybe unhealthily obsessed with this one girl who clearly to the world wanted nothing to do with me. I was blind to everything around me, and I can't believe I lived like that. But we had this conversation about, and mentioning who was honorable, and what made an honorable person. It hit me at that point. There was something more to my life than acting like a fool. I realized that nothing I was doing, or was trying to do was in any means honorable. I realized I wanted to have honor, I wanted to stop being such an idiot. From that point on, I've tried so hard to change everything about me. I've tried so hard to erase images people have had of me for however many years. I try to be the level headed one in the group, not act like an idiot, or be so stoic that there "has to be something wrong". I just think I've become a more laid back person, and it's helped me a lot. I go back to throughout the years, just being an angry person, almost looing for a reason to go off. I'd blow up at poker games, races, really anything where I could get a little attention, and I like where I am in my life so much better now. The thing is though, 3 years later, I still haven't gotten all the way there. At least I don't think I have. I still hear constantly about things that happened the better part of a decade ago. But I mean, its funny sometimes to just think back and laugh about that stuff. I still think some people think I'm a joke, but whatever I guess. Can't please everybody.
I've tried so hard lately not to get consumed by this self-righteous crap everyone around me has gotten into. People are thinking way too much of themselves, and it's just kinda comical. People tryin to be all secretive about everything, trying to like one big mystery, because "nobody is cool enough to know what's goin on in my life" kinda shit. I mean, it's cool to have privacy, because I do that a lot myself, but people flaunt the fact that they're keeping things private. That's a huge paradox if you ask me. People don't want you to know what you're talking about, but they show off their phone and text messages, like theyre trying to goad you into asking them what's going on, just so you can say "don't worry about it". I mean, I don't get it, but kids will be kids. It's not really a big deal, just an observation.
It's also just interesting to see how everything revolves around people talkin shit. Everything that goes on socially in a high school setting has to do with somebody talkin shit about someone else. What? He said that? He's such a bad person! Then that goes around to people, and it eventually gets back to the person that said it, and people who don't even know what's going start talkin shit when they have no clue what's goin on. People talk behind people's backs, then get angry when it happens to them. Friendships are started and ended over the most ridiculous stuff. It just doesn't make sense. There's so much hypocrisy with everyone, it's hard to say anything without contradicting something that you or one of your friends have already said. I wish people would just be more laid back. They go crazy about little things like Prom, and who was talkin shit at the party last week, and don't take time to enjoy life around them. They're too busy over-dramatizing life to enjoy it. This happens so much at our school, and prolly everywhere. Yet again, I don't get it, but it really isn't a big deal.
I really got to go to bed though, so I'll continue tomorrow
-out