OOC: LOG Kratos and Hakkai
Who: Kratos and Hakkai
What: Hakkai seeks out Kratos's help. :O
When: Wednesday, July 16th
Where: A house near the woods in HxH fandom
Why: because Hakkai is worried about TYE!Gojyo.
Warnings: none!
After his very brief conversation with Killua, Hakkai headed to see Kratos. He followed the directions he was given, surprised to find that Kratos was not in his own fandom, but in a home within Killua's fandom. It was a distance from the town, near a forest, and Hakkai was glad he'd brought along Jeep. He pulled up outside and upon stepping out of the vehicle, Jeep turned back into a dragon and hid in a nearby tree. He knocked on the door and waited for an answer.
He wouldn't get one, as Kratos merely rolled over in the bed, Lion following. After Killua left, Kratos figured he wouldn't come back that quickly, and even if he did, he'd just let himself in, as per the norm. Therefore, Kratos continued to lay there, squeezing his eyes shut and hoping that whoever this person was would just go away and leave him in his own misery, again, as per the norm.
Hakkai sighed when there was no answer, or even the sound of someone planning to answer the door. He hadn't come all this way for nothing though, and he gave the doorknob a turn. The door creaked open and Hakkai peeked in. "Hello?" he called out. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him. "Hello? Kratos?"
Wonderful. Of all people to enter, it had to be Hakkai. Not unlike a three-year-old, Kratos dug underneath the covers, throwing them over his head. At one point, he seriously considered just laying there and staying quiet as per the "I can't see you, so you can't see me" principle. Of course, he realized immediately that said principle has never, and quite possibly will never work, but that didn't stop him from trying.
With a sigh, Hakkai made his way through the house, checking behind every closed door he passed. After a few failed attempts, he eventually found a room with a large bed with an equally large lump in the middle underneath the blankets. "Kratos?" he quietly called out.
Kratos remained just as still as before, however a smaller lump probably the size of a large slipper wriggled out from beneath the covers, and out peeked a dog's face, complete with two large eyes and lopsided ears. It burrowed out further, and eventually made its way on top of the larger lump, its tail wagging vivaciously, as if counting the time between its high pitched barks. From underneath the covers came a muffled grumble, and if one listened hard enough, they could probably make out a single word, "...Traitor."
Laughing, Hakkai shook his head. "I see where your children get it from now." He stepped further into the room, closing the door behind him. "Though, I have to say, usually by this point they'd have crawled out from under the covers."
"Don't compare me to my children."
"They are your children and you are acting like them. It was a simple observation."
"Go away."
"No. I'm afraid I'm not leaving so soon as you might like me to."
"Why not."
"Gojyo has ran off and I could use some help in bringing him here. Seems he's managed to trade places with his former self and is currently 13 years old."
"So I've heard." Kratos tightened the blankets around him, "...How could you lose him."
"He ran off in the middle of the night." Hakkai took a seat at the far edge of the bed. "He doesn't trust Sanzo, Goku or I."
"What makes you think he'll trust me."
"The way you look..." Hakkai started, his eyes focusing on Kratos's for a brief moment. "I think he'll believe you're the same as him, a half-youkai."
Kratos blinked. That made sense, and he knew it made sense, however the way he just felt right now... he couldn't describe it. He wasn't angry, and the guilt and the pain and sadness he felt from having to say goodbye to Anna yet again (this time actually present to bury the body) faded away into... nothing. That was it, he felt nothing. He was sure his eyes showed it, too. The man was an empty shell, which probably prompted what he said next, "...Do it yourself. I'm not capable at the moment."
"Moping around isn't going to bring her back," Hakkai said, the tone in his voice gentle and empathetic. As much as he disliked Kratos, he understood what that pain felt like all to well. He shifted slightly so that he was facing Kratos, though still keeping his distance.
The moment he heard the words leave Hakkai's mouth, Kratos' entire body tensed up. How dare he bring that up, especially when it had nothing to do with him? "...Mind your business."
"I apologize, however, I'm afraid I cannot cooperate. We've got someone we care about wandering the desert somewhere as a child, who hasn't bathed nor had a proper meal in quite some time. He doesn't trust me, and if something happens to him, I'm not so sure we will get the Gojyo that we know back. Do you really want to risk losing him, too?" Hakkai knew his words would sting, but he also knew it needed to be said.
"There wouldn't be a risk if you'd only taken care of him properly," Kratos growled. Rationality wasn't at the top of his priority list right now, and he felt no need to use common sense. He knew Gojyo could very well be in peril, and he knew that he shouldn't even hesitate to go after him, but moving beyond bathing and feeding Lion (who began to meander over to Hakkai in order to sniff at him) just seemed so futile.
"If he trusted me enough to take care of him properly, then yes, I would take responsibility for not doing so, however, if I got within five feet of him, he was all but screaming rape." Hakkai sighed and reached down to pet the dog, scratching gently under his chin and behind his ears.
"...I still don't understand why you're coming to me. I'm sure you'd much rather find some other redhead."
"Because I was fairly certain you cared about him. And Killua suggested I bring Gojyo to see you."
"I won't be of any help to him like this." Kratos muttered.
"Are you physically incapacitated?" Hakkai asked.
"Hmph."
"I'll take that as a no."
Kratos rolled over as a fresh wave of emotion washed over him-- the extra guilt didn't help his current constitution at all. "...Go away."
"I'm not leaving right now."
"So you can gloat?"
"What would I have to gloat about right now?"
"You're seeing me at my weakest."
"You really think that little of me?" Hakkai asked.
"...I don't know what to think anymore."
Hakkai sighed. "You don't kick a man when he's down." He paused a moment before adding, "Unless that's what it takes to get him back up again."
"It's not."
"I'm aware of that. It isn't like you're the only one to have lost someone."
"...Twice. I lost her twice." Kratos curled up tighter, unsure as to why he was telling Hakkai of all people this, "And both times could have been prevented."
"Not many people get a second chance to lose someone."
"I'm just special I suppose."
Hakkai didn't say anything in response to that. What was there to say? How would he handle it if Kanan came back and then left again? Not well. He knew that much.
Lion pushed his head into the palm of Hakkai's hand with a small whimper, obviously looking for extra attention.
Hakkai turned his attention to the dog, and pet him, scratching his fingers gently along the dog's fur.
"...Are you satisfied yet?"
"I'm not leaving until you agree to help with finding Gojyo."
Kratos just curled up even more, too stubborn to give a straight answer from the get-go.
"How long to you intend to lay in bed moping?"
"I have forever."
"No you don't."
"It would take that long before my body would even begin to wither away. So, yes, outside of having responsibilities to attend to, which I'm sure you wouldn't mind taking upon yourself, I do."
"Your responsibilities are exactly that. Yours."
"I'm not worthy to tend to them."
"Have you always been this way, or is this a recent development? I'd think someone who'd lived as long as you would be..." Hakkai paused, not quite sure the word he was searching for, or where he was trying to go with this.
"They would be just as I am now. You've no idea what it's like."
"Then tell me."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Why should I."
"Because I'm intrigued."
"I'm not your science project."
"I never considered you as such."
"Keep it that way."
Hakkai sighed.
"It's..." Kratos swallowed down his pride, "...It's not something which can be conveyed by words."
Hakkai raised his eyebrow, "Then how would it be conveyed?"
"Actually living it."
"Unfortunately, I don't think I'll have that opportunity."
"Congratulations."
Hakkai frowned. "At least attempt to put it into words."
Kratos lifted himself so his upper body leaned against the headboard, his messy hair falling in front of his face. "...Try... spending an eternity feeling absolutely nothing. You're nothing but a puppet, but you're content. And then... every once in a while, something is presented to you. An opportunity for happiness... to achieve what you want most..." he reached out a hand as if ready to grasp something, "Then suddenly, just when you feel that everything is right, it's snatched away. Then the only feeling you know is complete and utter misery, so you crawl back to your previous lifestyle, wishing only to just close your eyes and not have the entire world on your shoulders anymore." He finally faced Hakkai, "I can't die unless killed. I can't sleep unless I force myself. I don't feel hunger... and even then, I can't taste anything, anyway."
"Not everything has been snatched away this time. And it won't be if we find Gojyo," Hakkai sighed. "I know it's easy to just give in to nothingness, I'm still struggling with that myself, but you shouldn't be giving in to it now. Or are you telling me that you're giving up on Gojyo and he's all mine?"
"This time. But who's to say that it won't happen eventually. I don't know what will happen, and when. " Kratos made a pointed gesture at Hakkai, his eyes narrowing, "Or who will happen." He still didn't trust Hakkai completely, after all, he wasn't there to keep tabs on him constantly. "Gojyo's greatest fear is also mine. That we'll both wind up alone again." Kratos wasn't sure as to why he was opening up to his biggest rival of all people, but perhaps this was the first of many steps that they could take in making things more comfortable for Gojyo, if anything.
"At least you two have each other, there's no reason to be dwelling on the bad things that could be. You should both focus on the good things you have. I know his fears and I want Gojyo to be happy, any best friend would want that." Hakkai sighed and looked away from Kratos. It was rude of him to not open up as much as Kratos was, but Hakkai knew things about Kratos's past from Gojyo telling him. However, the things from his past weren't things he was comfortable revealing beyond vague hints and clues to those he didn't fully trust.
"You're talking about your own wife, then?" Kratos wasn't nearly as kind, thanks to his rather blunt nature.
"I wasn't aware you knew anything about that," Hakkai said, a hint of surprise evident in his tone.
"I've read the books." Kratos remarked off-handedly. Hakkai knew about his wife, so why not the other way around? Fair was fair, right?
Hakkai nodded, unsure of what to say. Kratos knew everything then, which made him slightly uncomfortable because he'd been operating under the presumption that he knew little to nothing about his past. At least that part of his past. "How long ago?"
"Months."
"Of course."
"...I'll help find him."
"Thank you," Hakkai said, smiling.
"Don't. I'm not doing this for you."
"I know you're not. You're doing it for Gojyo."
And for himself, although Kratos didn't mention that. The truth was, just as Gojyo needed Kratos right now, Kratos needed Gojyo more.
What: Hakkai seeks out Kratos's help. :O
When: Wednesday, July 16th
Where: A house near the woods in HxH fandom
Why: because Hakkai is worried about TYE!Gojyo.
Warnings: none!
After his very brief conversation with Killua, Hakkai headed to see Kratos. He followed the directions he was given, surprised to find that Kratos was not in his own fandom, but in a home within Killua's fandom. It was a distance from the town, near a forest, and Hakkai was glad he'd brought along Jeep. He pulled up outside and upon stepping out of the vehicle, Jeep turned back into a dragon and hid in a nearby tree. He knocked on the door and waited for an answer.
He wouldn't get one, as Kratos merely rolled over in the bed, Lion following. After Killua left, Kratos figured he wouldn't come back that quickly, and even if he did, he'd just let himself in, as per the norm. Therefore, Kratos continued to lay there, squeezing his eyes shut and hoping that whoever this person was would just go away and leave him in his own misery, again, as per the norm.
Hakkai sighed when there was no answer, or even the sound of someone planning to answer the door. He hadn't come all this way for nothing though, and he gave the doorknob a turn. The door creaked open and Hakkai peeked in. "Hello?" he called out. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him. "Hello? Kratos?"
Wonderful. Of all people to enter, it had to be Hakkai. Not unlike a three-year-old, Kratos dug underneath the covers, throwing them over his head. At one point, he seriously considered just laying there and staying quiet as per the "I can't see you, so you can't see me" principle. Of course, he realized immediately that said principle has never, and quite possibly will never work, but that didn't stop him from trying.
With a sigh, Hakkai made his way through the house, checking behind every closed door he passed. After a few failed attempts, he eventually found a room with a large bed with an equally large lump in the middle underneath the blankets. "Kratos?" he quietly called out.
Kratos remained just as still as before, however a smaller lump probably the size of a large slipper wriggled out from beneath the covers, and out peeked a dog's face, complete with two large eyes and lopsided ears. It burrowed out further, and eventually made its way on top of the larger lump, its tail wagging vivaciously, as if counting the time between its high pitched barks. From underneath the covers came a muffled grumble, and if one listened hard enough, they could probably make out a single word, "...Traitor."
Laughing, Hakkai shook his head. "I see where your children get it from now." He stepped further into the room, closing the door behind him. "Though, I have to say, usually by this point they'd have crawled out from under the covers."
"Don't compare me to my children."
"They are your children and you are acting like them. It was a simple observation."
"Go away."
"No. I'm afraid I'm not leaving so soon as you might like me to."
"Why not."
"Gojyo has ran off and I could use some help in bringing him here. Seems he's managed to trade places with his former self and is currently 13 years old."
"So I've heard." Kratos tightened the blankets around him, "...How could you lose him."
"He ran off in the middle of the night." Hakkai took a seat at the far edge of the bed. "He doesn't trust Sanzo, Goku or I."
"What makes you think he'll trust me."
"The way you look..." Hakkai started, his eyes focusing on Kratos's for a brief moment. "I think he'll believe you're the same as him, a half-youkai."
Kratos blinked. That made sense, and he knew it made sense, however the way he just felt right now... he couldn't describe it. He wasn't angry, and the guilt and the pain and sadness he felt from having to say goodbye to Anna yet again (this time actually present to bury the body) faded away into... nothing. That was it, he felt nothing. He was sure his eyes showed it, too. The man was an empty shell, which probably prompted what he said next, "...Do it yourself. I'm not capable at the moment."
"Moping around isn't going to bring her back," Hakkai said, the tone in his voice gentle and empathetic. As much as he disliked Kratos, he understood what that pain felt like all to well. He shifted slightly so that he was facing Kratos, though still keeping his distance.
The moment he heard the words leave Hakkai's mouth, Kratos' entire body tensed up. How dare he bring that up, especially when it had nothing to do with him? "...Mind your business."
"I apologize, however, I'm afraid I cannot cooperate. We've got someone we care about wandering the desert somewhere as a child, who hasn't bathed nor had a proper meal in quite some time. He doesn't trust me, and if something happens to him, I'm not so sure we will get the Gojyo that we know back. Do you really want to risk losing him, too?" Hakkai knew his words would sting, but he also knew it needed to be said.
"There wouldn't be a risk if you'd only taken care of him properly," Kratos growled. Rationality wasn't at the top of his priority list right now, and he felt no need to use common sense. He knew Gojyo could very well be in peril, and he knew that he shouldn't even hesitate to go after him, but moving beyond bathing and feeding Lion (who began to meander over to Hakkai in order to sniff at him) just seemed so futile.
"If he trusted me enough to take care of him properly, then yes, I would take responsibility for not doing so, however, if I got within five feet of him, he was all but screaming rape." Hakkai sighed and reached down to pet the dog, scratching gently under his chin and behind his ears.
"...I still don't understand why you're coming to me. I'm sure you'd much rather find some other redhead."
"Because I was fairly certain you cared about him. And Killua suggested I bring Gojyo to see you."
"I won't be of any help to him like this." Kratos muttered.
"Are you physically incapacitated?" Hakkai asked.
"Hmph."
"I'll take that as a no."
Kratos rolled over as a fresh wave of emotion washed over him-- the extra guilt didn't help his current constitution at all. "...Go away."
"I'm not leaving right now."
"So you can gloat?"
"What would I have to gloat about right now?"
"You're seeing me at my weakest."
"You really think that little of me?" Hakkai asked.
"...I don't know what to think anymore."
Hakkai sighed. "You don't kick a man when he's down." He paused a moment before adding, "Unless that's what it takes to get him back up again."
"It's not."
"I'm aware of that. It isn't like you're the only one to have lost someone."
"...Twice. I lost her twice." Kratos curled up tighter, unsure as to why he was telling Hakkai of all people this, "And both times could have been prevented."
"Not many people get a second chance to lose someone."
"I'm just special I suppose."
Hakkai didn't say anything in response to that. What was there to say? How would he handle it if Kanan came back and then left again? Not well. He knew that much.
Lion pushed his head into the palm of Hakkai's hand with a small whimper, obviously looking for extra attention.
Hakkai turned his attention to the dog, and pet him, scratching his fingers gently along the dog's fur.
"...Are you satisfied yet?"
"I'm not leaving until you agree to help with finding Gojyo."
Kratos just curled up even more, too stubborn to give a straight answer from the get-go.
"How long to you intend to lay in bed moping?"
"I have forever."
"No you don't."
"It would take that long before my body would even begin to wither away. So, yes, outside of having responsibilities to attend to, which I'm sure you wouldn't mind taking upon yourself, I do."
"Your responsibilities are exactly that. Yours."
"I'm not worthy to tend to them."
"Have you always been this way, or is this a recent development? I'd think someone who'd lived as long as you would be..." Hakkai paused, not quite sure the word he was searching for, or where he was trying to go with this.
"They would be just as I am now. You've no idea what it's like."
"Then tell me."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Why should I."
"Because I'm intrigued."
"I'm not your science project."
"I never considered you as such."
"Keep it that way."
Hakkai sighed.
"It's..." Kratos swallowed down his pride, "...It's not something which can be conveyed by words."
Hakkai raised his eyebrow, "Then how would it be conveyed?"
"Actually living it."
"Unfortunately, I don't think I'll have that opportunity."
"Congratulations."
Hakkai frowned. "At least attempt to put it into words."
Kratos lifted himself so his upper body leaned against the headboard, his messy hair falling in front of his face. "...Try... spending an eternity feeling absolutely nothing. You're nothing but a puppet, but you're content. And then... every once in a while, something is presented to you. An opportunity for happiness... to achieve what you want most..." he reached out a hand as if ready to grasp something, "Then suddenly, just when you feel that everything is right, it's snatched away. Then the only feeling you know is complete and utter misery, so you crawl back to your previous lifestyle, wishing only to just close your eyes and not have the entire world on your shoulders anymore." He finally faced Hakkai, "I can't die unless killed. I can't sleep unless I force myself. I don't feel hunger... and even then, I can't taste anything, anyway."
"Not everything has been snatched away this time. And it won't be if we find Gojyo," Hakkai sighed. "I know it's easy to just give in to nothingness, I'm still struggling with that myself, but you shouldn't be giving in to it now. Or are you telling me that you're giving up on Gojyo and he's all mine?"
"This time. But who's to say that it won't happen eventually. I don't know what will happen, and when. " Kratos made a pointed gesture at Hakkai, his eyes narrowing, "Or who will happen." He still didn't trust Hakkai completely, after all, he wasn't there to keep tabs on him constantly. "Gojyo's greatest fear is also mine. That we'll both wind up alone again." Kratos wasn't sure as to why he was opening up to his biggest rival of all people, but perhaps this was the first of many steps that they could take in making things more comfortable for Gojyo, if anything.
"At least you two have each other, there's no reason to be dwelling on the bad things that could be. You should both focus on the good things you have. I know his fears and I want Gojyo to be happy, any best friend would want that." Hakkai sighed and looked away from Kratos. It was rude of him to not open up as much as Kratos was, but Hakkai knew things about Kratos's past from Gojyo telling him. However, the things from his past weren't things he was comfortable revealing beyond vague hints and clues to those he didn't fully trust.
"You're talking about your own wife, then?" Kratos wasn't nearly as kind, thanks to his rather blunt nature.
"I wasn't aware you knew anything about that," Hakkai said, a hint of surprise evident in his tone.
"I've read the books." Kratos remarked off-handedly. Hakkai knew about his wife, so why not the other way around? Fair was fair, right?
Hakkai nodded, unsure of what to say. Kratos knew everything then, which made him slightly uncomfortable because he'd been operating under the presumption that he knew little to nothing about his past. At least that part of his past. "How long ago?"
"Months."
"Of course."
"...I'll help find him."
"Thank you," Hakkai said, smiling.
"Don't. I'm not doing this for you."
"I know you're not. You're doing it for Gojyo."
And for himself, although Kratos didn't mention that. The truth was, just as Gojyo needed Kratos right now, Kratos needed Gojyo more.