home sweet home
And so ends my week long stay in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. I can honestly say I had a great time. My Uncle Mark is the best and his girlfriend Nicol is so sweet. They took me to some great restaurants, the prettiest beaches, and the coolest tourist attractions. I even got a little bit of a tan and went shopping almost every day. But the best part of my vacation, MY vacation, was that I did all of this by myself. It was so freeing to wave goodbye to mom and dad and will, get away from Portland, Maine, step on an airplane with a ticket I paid for, and fly down here all on my own.
Since I found out that I’d be leaving for Brandeis a semester late, I’ve been feeling kind of bad for myself. I dreaded being asked what my “plans for the fall” were, only to be met with “Well isn’t that too bad,” or “That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever heard of.” I couldn’t stop thinking that everyone else’s first week in September would be filled with moving in new furniture to a new place, meeting new friends, taking interesting, thought-provoking classes, and I’d be still at home, still in Portland, still with my parents. I had the “poor me” attitude. I felt like everyone else was in control of their decisions and like mine had been made for me.
Therein was my problem. Instead of embracing my choice, I tried to blame someone for it. I blamed my parents for being too strict, I blamed my friends in a way for “abandoning” me, I’ve even started fighting with Matt about where he sees himself in the future when in actuality I’m fearful of where I’ll end up. After this trip, I’ve come to find out that I am the one who did this and I should be proud of the choices I’ve made all through high school and even as I enter college. Fuck the whole midyear thing, I got into Brandeis! My “reach” school, the “wouldn’t that be great” school. Who cares when I start there, the fact remains, I’m going to graduate from there.
I’ve also come to realize I’m probably not alone with these feelings. Everyone at some point in the next few months will sit down one day and think, What the hell am I doing? I just hope that everyone kind of accepts what they’ve decided - their college choice, their new friends, even their dorm room color scheme. I just hope everyone else doesn’t have to fly all the way to Ft. Lauderdale to discover it.
Since I found out that I’d be leaving for Brandeis a semester late, I’ve been feeling kind of bad for myself. I dreaded being asked what my “plans for the fall” were, only to be met with “Well isn’t that too bad,” or “That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever heard of.” I couldn’t stop thinking that everyone else’s first week in September would be filled with moving in new furniture to a new place, meeting new friends, taking interesting, thought-provoking classes, and I’d be still at home, still in Portland, still with my parents. I had the “poor me” attitude. I felt like everyone else was in control of their decisions and like mine had been made for me.
Therein was my problem. Instead of embracing my choice, I tried to blame someone for it. I blamed my parents for being too strict, I blamed my friends in a way for “abandoning” me, I’ve even started fighting with Matt about where he sees himself in the future when in actuality I’m fearful of where I’ll end up. After this trip, I’ve come to find out that I am the one who did this and I should be proud of the choices I’ve made all through high school and even as I enter college. Fuck the whole midyear thing, I got into Brandeis! My “reach” school, the “wouldn’t that be great” school. Who cares when I start there, the fact remains, I’m going to graduate from there.
I’ve also come to realize I’m probably not alone with these feelings. Everyone at some point in the next few months will sit down one day and think, What the hell am I doing? I just hope that everyone kind of accepts what they’ve decided - their college choice, their new friends, even their dorm room color scheme. I just hope everyone else doesn’t have to fly all the way to Ft. Lauderdale to discover it.