for pandoragrace
“She clearly wants approval. I thought trying to demystify and demonstrating acceptance would be useful,” Koschei says.
“Did you really believe it would be that simple?” the Doctor asks, giving Koschei a Look.
“No. Her insistence that I should just assume she's mad threw me.”
"Even if she knows more about her powers, you're expecting quite a lot of her.” It’s not a direct reply, but Koschei waits for the Doctor to get around to his point. He usually does. Eventually. “Can you imagine what it'd have been like if you'd found out the truth at her age?" The Doctor stops walking, throwing his hands in the air dramatically. "Chosen by Rassilon himself to save Gallifrey! Could you have comprehended the cost?"
Koschei looks away as possibilities he’s never really considered in that light snap into place. “It’d have made a good story,” he murmurs. He’d have eaten up affirmation from the highest power he believed in, no question. And in doing so bought into the Time Lords' mass insanity with both hearts, instead of bucking the establishment with his own special brand of delusion.
“Horrifying, isn't it?” the Doctor says, peering across the console at him intently. “Madness doesn't have to be inability to perceive reality correctly, or not understanding consequences in a rational manner. Sometimes it's knowing a truth and warping it to the very best or absolute worst light, trying to protect yourself." The Doctor reaches over controls to flick a switch, and adds, "Was for me."
Koschei whips around in alarm. “The war was real. But that doesn't…” He can’t figure out how to finish that sentence in a way that doesn't sound patronizing or pathetically laughable. “You were at your limits.”
“Yeah. And deciding I was broken beyond repair was a relief. Are you still going to keep pretending you don’t understand?”
Silence drags as Koschei hesitates before shaking his head in the negative. The Doctor makes a definitive nod in acknowledgement and then pushes away from the console to flop in one of the jump seats. Koschei follows him to perch on the edge, wanting the mutual comfort of being close. “She believes she’s always been broken,” the Doctor says, once they're settled, in a rapid near whisper. “I think. So unless she accidentally hurts someone, we can expect this disappearing act, but not, I don’t think, escalation.”
“So we wait,” Koschei concludes.
“In her own time,” the Doctor agrees.
“Did you really believe it would be that simple?” the Doctor asks, giving Koschei a Look.
“No. Her insistence that I should just assume she's mad threw me.”
"Even if she knows more about her powers, you're expecting quite a lot of her.” It’s not a direct reply, but Koschei waits for the Doctor to get around to his point. He usually does. Eventually. “Can you imagine what it'd have been like if you'd found out the truth at her age?" The Doctor stops walking, throwing his hands in the air dramatically. "Chosen by Rassilon himself to save Gallifrey! Could you have comprehended the cost?"
Koschei looks away as possibilities he’s never really considered in that light snap into place. “It’d have made a good story,” he murmurs. He’d have eaten up affirmation from the highest power he believed in, no question. And in doing so bought into the Time Lords' mass insanity with both hearts, instead of bucking the establishment with his own special brand of delusion.
“Horrifying, isn't it?” the Doctor says, peering across the console at him intently. “Madness doesn't have to be inability to perceive reality correctly, or not understanding consequences in a rational manner. Sometimes it's knowing a truth and warping it to the very best or absolute worst light, trying to protect yourself." The Doctor reaches over controls to flick a switch, and adds, "Was for me."
Koschei whips around in alarm. “The war was real. But that doesn't…” He can’t figure out how to finish that sentence in a way that doesn't sound patronizing or pathetically laughable. “You were at your limits.”
“Yeah. And deciding I was broken beyond repair was a relief. Are you still going to keep pretending you don’t understand?”
Silence drags as Koschei hesitates before shaking his head in the negative. The Doctor makes a definitive nod in acknowledgement and then pushes away from the console to flop in one of the jump seats. Koschei follows him to perch on the edge, wanting the mutual comfort of being close. “She believes she’s always been broken,” the Doctor says, once they're settled, in a rapid near whisper. “I think. So unless she accidentally hurts someone, we can expect this disappearing act, but not, I don’t think, escalation.”
“So we wait,” Koschei concludes.
“In her own time,” the Doctor agrees.