One Month In Canada
Today is the one-month mark!! I made it! I survived alone in Canada for a whole month! Technically, a month minus 10 days with the Chiu family, but whatever.
It seems that a lot has happened back home in Hong Kong. Yes, I know it's weird. I can't believe I've starting calling Hong Kong my "home". I guess the people there have really influenced me and made the city that I've disliked for the previous decade a special place. Anyway, the same goes for over here in BC. Since I've gotten here, a lot has changed. I've changed. Or so I believe.
First change? I've finally started cooking a little, making food, cleaning things, doing laundry... I mean, it's quite a big change but at the same time, it's not because I'm pretty sure I would do it if my parents didn't do it for me. Yes, I'm that sort of person. I mean, why bother and fuss if someone's going to do it for you, right? Makes complete sense to me.
Second change is probably the routines of my days. Basically, I don't have a routine... and I don't think I ever did... but I'm starting to have longer days. This is good. It means I'm waking up earlier, getting out of bed earlier and actually making an effort to live. Back in Hong Kong, I only get out of bed because I have to... to go to work or to school or to meet a friend. Here, I've tried to make myself get out of bed and sit in the lounge, watch TV, go to the library... basically do something so I don't feel depressed and lazy huddled in my own room. The room's rather depressing, I must say.
There are changes I've made to the room though. I've gotten a beautiful painting/puzzle sort of thing to pin up on my wall. Besides that, I've got colorful bedspreads. Oh, of course, I also managed to pick out all the memorable goodies I've brought along with me and pinned those up on my bulletin board. I haven't taken a proper picture of what it looks like yet and it's kind of unfinished... but it looks good. It reminds me of things like my farewell party with the HPCC classmates, my Taiwan trip with the GH buddies, and MomoChan.
Speaking of him... that's probably another change I'm going through. I've recently decided it was time to give up on the relationship. Or whatever it was that we sort of had. It's time. I'm just feeling more used day by day. I don't talk to him every day and it doesn't affect my mood but whenever I actually talk to him and he replies, I just feel like I'm bothering him. And when that happens, I realize that he won't contact me if I don't initiate a conversation. I gave up. He was only contacting me because no one else was there for him in Hong Kong. Now that I'm not in the city, talking to me doesn't help him. He'd still have no one to hang out with. Oh, I feel so used. And I must admit to the fact that I've known it all along. Yeah, I just let him use me because I could sort of use him in a way as well. Just like that song I used to listen to that I'm picking up on listening to again. He needed someone to talk to and I wanted some company. It isn't that bad... I did have fun while it lasted but of course it hurt more than it should.
So as I was saying, I gave up. There's just so much a person can do on one end. If it's one thing I've learned since I got here, is that you can't force someone to stay friends with you. You can try and hold on... but as time goes on, you just keep hurting yourself. So, when a friend rejects or neglects you a couple of times and it's getting really depressing, let go. Let yourself explore the social circle around you and expand it. Meet people who are better friends. However, if the old friends do come back, I wouldn't close them off. Because I'm a loser like that. =.="
Oh dear, if I have to be honest, I should be finishing my Psychology assignment right now... But I can't seem to concentrate. I'm distracted by thoughts. First, texts from Daniel, then the beautiful sky and sunshine, then... I just felt like blogging. xP
It kind of bothers me that the guy I said I'm over... is still taking up the largest paragraph in my blog post. I want to say he's not important to me anymore... and I guess that's true to a very large extent but at the same time, I'll never forget how important he actually is. He's made me so much stronger than I was. I've never felt that much of an improvement in my life until after I met him and fell in love with him. And getting over him has also made me a better person. I've learned how to focus on friends (the right friends) and make myself productive. I've experienced much more than I would ever have expected myself to...
But at the same time, I've moved on to another level, another experience. I've met people who are teaching me things. They're teaching me so much that I've been hidden away from. They may not be the best things morally speaking but it's always good to learn more. Besides, I'm learning how to protect myself from them. Isabelle, Bhumika, and Mayim have taught me quite a lot, to be honest. Besides that, I'm also making decisions... Well, I'm trying to make proper decisions for my relationship with Daniel. I know I sort of rejected him the first time but I didn't really reject him. I like him but I don't really know him that well. It's kind of confusing... And at first, I really thought I was just lonely and he was cute... so... Ehh. But I actually tried to get to know him the other night and he's just as sweet as that first impression. I'm still figuring it out but I don't want to let go of him just yet. I guess, the fact that he's leaving soon does make me think too much. But like the meme I saw the other day... "Why date if you know you're going to break up anyway?" "Why live if you know you're going to die?" Doesn't that make things clearer? 'Cause it sure did for me... :)
Either way, whatever happens in the future, I'm so grateful to have met him. I'm so happy to be loved. And for once, (or twice...), someone I like isn't a jerk to me... <3
xx. vincilam
It seems that a lot has happened back home in Hong Kong. Yes, I know it's weird. I can't believe I've starting calling Hong Kong my "home". I guess the people there have really influenced me and made the city that I've disliked for the previous decade a special place. Anyway, the same goes for over here in BC. Since I've gotten here, a lot has changed. I've changed. Or so I believe.
First change? I've finally started cooking a little, making food, cleaning things, doing laundry... I mean, it's quite a big change but at the same time, it's not because I'm pretty sure I would do it if my parents didn't do it for me. Yes, I'm that sort of person. I mean, why bother and fuss if someone's going to do it for you, right? Makes complete sense to me.
Second change is probably the routines of my days. Basically, I don't have a routine... and I don't think I ever did... but I'm starting to have longer days. This is good. It means I'm waking up earlier, getting out of bed earlier and actually making an effort to live. Back in Hong Kong, I only get out of bed because I have to... to go to work or to school or to meet a friend. Here, I've tried to make myself get out of bed and sit in the lounge, watch TV, go to the library... basically do something so I don't feel depressed and lazy huddled in my own room. The room's rather depressing, I must say.
There are changes I've made to the room though. I've gotten a beautiful painting/puzzle sort of thing to pin up on my wall. Besides that, I've got colorful bedspreads. Oh, of course, I also managed to pick out all the memorable goodies I've brought along with me and pinned those up on my bulletin board. I haven't taken a proper picture of what it looks like yet and it's kind of unfinished... but it looks good. It reminds me of things like my farewell party with the HPCC classmates, my Taiwan trip with the GH buddies, and MomoChan.
Speaking of him... that's probably another change I'm going through. I've recently decided it was time to give up on the relationship. Or whatever it was that we sort of had. It's time. I'm just feeling more used day by day. I don't talk to him every day and it doesn't affect my mood but whenever I actually talk to him and he replies, I just feel like I'm bothering him. And when that happens, I realize that he won't contact me if I don't initiate a conversation. I gave up. He was only contacting me because no one else was there for him in Hong Kong. Now that I'm not in the city, talking to me doesn't help him. He'd still have no one to hang out with. Oh, I feel so used. And I must admit to the fact that I've known it all along. Yeah, I just let him use me because I could sort of use him in a way as well. Just like that song I used to listen to that I'm picking up on listening to again. He needed someone to talk to and I wanted some company. It isn't that bad... I did have fun while it lasted but of course it hurt more than it should.
So as I was saying, I gave up. There's just so much a person can do on one end. If it's one thing I've learned since I got here, is that you can't force someone to stay friends with you. You can try and hold on... but as time goes on, you just keep hurting yourself. So, when a friend rejects or neglects you a couple of times and it's getting really depressing, let go. Let yourself explore the social circle around you and expand it. Meet people who are better friends. However, if the old friends do come back, I wouldn't close them off. Because I'm a loser like that. =.="
Oh dear, if I have to be honest, I should be finishing my Psychology assignment right now... But I can't seem to concentrate. I'm distracted by thoughts. First, texts from Daniel, then the beautiful sky and sunshine, then... I just felt like blogging. xP
It kind of bothers me that the guy I said I'm over... is still taking up the largest paragraph in my blog post. I want to say he's not important to me anymore... and I guess that's true to a very large extent but at the same time, I'll never forget how important he actually is. He's made me so much stronger than I was. I've never felt that much of an improvement in my life until after I met him and fell in love with him. And getting over him has also made me a better person. I've learned how to focus on friends (the right friends) and make myself productive. I've experienced much more than I would ever have expected myself to...
But at the same time, I've moved on to another level, another experience. I've met people who are teaching me things. They're teaching me so much that I've been hidden away from. They may not be the best things morally speaking but it's always good to learn more. Besides, I'm learning how to protect myself from them. Isabelle, Bhumika, and Mayim have taught me quite a lot, to be honest. Besides that, I'm also making decisions... Well, I'm trying to make proper decisions for my relationship with Daniel. I know I sort of rejected him the first time but I didn't really reject him. I like him but I don't really know him that well. It's kind of confusing... And at first, I really thought I was just lonely and he was cute... so... Ehh. But I actually tried to get to know him the other night and he's just as sweet as that first impression. I'm still figuring it out but I don't want to let go of him just yet. I guess, the fact that he's leaving soon does make me think too much. But like the meme I saw the other day... "Why date if you know you're going to break up anyway?" "Why live if you know you're going to die?" Doesn't that make things clearer? 'Cause it sure did for me... :)
Either way, whatever happens in the future, I'm so grateful to have met him. I'm so happy to be loved. And for once, (or twice...), someone I like isn't a jerk to me... <3
xx. vincilam