It's enough to make me quit drinking...
Finally getting around to updating this after a long weekend and an week that seemed to never exist. A lot of shit is happening and I'm sure there's a few people who would like my comments. And if there isn't, fuck you anyway.
Yeah, some bad shit went down over the weekend. Yeah, I tried to injure myself. Yeah, I tried to drive home piss drunk and probably would have died. Yeah, went after others. Now everything is on it's head.
I'm not going to bother with details of the rest of the weekend, as everyone else talked about venoms party and the event. I'm going to get straight to brass tacks. First, the incident regarding Rob Ivy and Allison. Rob Ivy didn't know there was a history between allison and I, and I really wish he didn't feel like he had to leave afterwards. Punisher set these two up and stood outside the room, where I just happened to be coming around the corner to piss. I admit, I snapped. Malikite tried to stop me and I threw him down. It took three people to tackle me outside the building where I finally landed on the stairs. I just remember feeling like an idiot and punisher taking my keys, because I was seriously going to leave. Allison came outside and tried to calm me down. She spent the rest of the night by my side. Probably on suicide watch. I know we're broken up, but it just hurt me to know that someone else's hands were on her while I was in the apartment. Fact is, we were all drunk. She made a mistake and it ended up hurting me. I'm glad pun and malikite stopped me from doing something stupid. But I'm willing to forgive on this one. Yeah, I got hurt. But don't even try telling me you've never done anything regretable under the influence of alchohol.
Now to the big one. Event day. There are a few things going around that I'd like to clear up right now.
1: I wasn't drunk. I had half of a beer that night. My reaction was completely sober.
2: I didn't walk in on any sort of sexual act. When I pushed Cannon out of the way and opened the door, Jacobs was in one chair on one side of the room with his pants undone while allison was in another chair on the otherside of the room fully clothed.
3: Allison didn't know the door was locked. Allison is ALWAYS honest with me. She has never lied and is always straight up. If she knew the door was locked and had the same intentions as Jacobs did, she would have told me and then gotten upset for being jealous and spying on her. When she tells me that she didn't know the door was locked, I believe her.
My reaction was not because I witnessed anything, I reacted because a woman I have strong feelings for was locked in a room with someone who was quite intoxicated. I reacted because people outside were either out there to a)keep an eye out for me or b)catch a glimse of what they thought was going to happen. From where I was standing, I couldn't tell what was going on. I reacted because, damn it, I'm jealous. However, my reaction was rash, and unprofessional and has probably made this situation worse. I tried to walk back to minnesota, I punched Ashleys car, I ruined my pants on the road, I knocked down a few people and I tried to get back into the building and take out my frustrations. For these things, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to anyone I hurt that night. I'm sorry I lashed out.
Now, as far as everyone else is concerned. I appreciate everything you guys did for me that night. I seriously wanted to die, you guys were there. I'm not feeling like Vinnie right now, but you guys are pushing me. I'm thankful you're there for me. Every last one of you. But, calling the woman that I'm trying desperatly to keep a friendship with trash and a slut is making things worse. I realise you guys care about me, and I love you for it. But cutting down Allison isn't helping at all. If you feel the need to cut on someone, what about me? What about my jealousy? My insecurity? My rage? The fact that I cried on Bobby's shoulder? The fact that I handled this situation horribly? The fact that I wasn't good enough to hold on to allison in the first place? The fact that even after getting my heart torn out, I still am in love with this woman? Mistakes were made on both sides. We've admitted them to each other. I'll admit them to you. I'm trying to move on, and I need help. I'm too fucking arrogant to admit it, but I do. The best thing you guys can do for me is to stop all this negativity.
I don't mean to sound like I'm lecturing or giving orders, and I don't mean to sound angry, because I'm not. I'm just saying.
Anyways, I'll cover my match with JOE in a later post. I'm spent.
Hugs and headlocks,
VD
Yeah, some bad shit went down over the weekend. Yeah, I tried to injure myself. Yeah, I tried to drive home piss drunk and probably would have died. Yeah, went after others. Now everything is on it's head.
I'm not going to bother with details of the rest of the weekend, as everyone else talked about venoms party and the event. I'm going to get straight to brass tacks. First, the incident regarding Rob Ivy and Allison. Rob Ivy didn't know there was a history between allison and I, and I really wish he didn't feel like he had to leave afterwards. Punisher set these two up and stood outside the room, where I just happened to be coming around the corner to piss. I admit, I snapped. Malikite tried to stop me and I threw him down. It took three people to tackle me outside the building where I finally landed on the stairs. I just remember feeling like an idiot and punisher taking my keys, because I was seriously going to leave. Allison came outside and tried to calm me down. She spent the rest of the night by my side. Probably on suicide watch. I know we're broken up, but it just hurt me to know that someone else's hands were on her while I was in the apartment. Fact is, we were all drunk. She made a mistake and it ended up hurting me. I'm glad pun and malikite stopped me from doing something stupid. But I'm willing to forgive on this one. Yeah, I got hurt. But don't even try telling me you've never done anything regretable under the influence of alchohol.
Now to the big one. Event day. There are a few things going around that I'd like to clear up right now.
1: I wasn't drunk. I had half of a beer that night. My reaction was completely sober.
2: I didn't walk in on any sort of sexual act. When I pushed Cannon out of the way and opened the door, Jacobs was in one chair on one side of the room with his pants undone while allison was in another chair on the otherside of the room fully clothed.
3: Allison didn't know the door was locked. Allison is ALWAYS honest with me. She has never lied and is always straight up. If she knew the door was locked and had the same intentions as Jacobs did, she would have told me and then gotten upset for being jealous and spying on her. When she tells me that she didn't know the door was locked, I believe her.
My reaction was not because I witnessed anything, I reacted because a woman I have strong feelings for was locked in a room with someone who was quite intoxicated. I reacted because people outside were either out there to a)keep an eye out for me or b)catch a glimse of what they thought was going to happen. From where I was standing, I couldn't tell what was going on. I reacted because, damn it, I'm jealous. However, my reaction was rash, and unprofessional and has probably made this situation worse. I tried to walk back to minnesota, I punched Ashleys car, I ruined my pants on the road, I knocked down a few people and I tried to get back into the building and take out my frustrations. For these things, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to anyone I hurt that night. I'm sorry I lashed out.
Now, as far as everyone else is concerned. I appreciate everything you guys did for me that night. I seriously wanted to die, you guys were there. I'm not feeling like Vinnie right now, but you guys are pushing me. I'm thankful you're there for me. Every last one of you. But, calling the woman that I'm trying desperatly to keep a friendship with trash and a slut is making things worse. I realise you guys care about me, and I love you for it. But cutting down Allison isn't helping at all. If you feel the need to cut on someone, what about me? What about my jealousy? My insecurity? My rage? The fact that I cried on Bobby's shoulder? The fact that I handled this situation horribly? The fact that I wasn't good enough to hold on to allison in the first place? The fact that even after getting my heart torn out, I still am in love with this woman? Mistakes were made on both sides. We've admitted them to each other. I'll admit them to you. I'm trying to move on, and I need help. I'm too fucking arrogant to admit it, but I do. The best thing you guys can do for me is to stop all this negativity.
I don't mean to sound like I'm lecturing or giving orders, and I don't mean to sound angry, because I'm not. I'm just saying.
Anyways, I'll cover my match with JOE in a later post. I'm spent.
Hugs and headlocks,
VD