On Life
So I don't think I'm really allergic to cherry trees.
I spent most of my day in Philly at the Sakura Sunday thing (wooooot japanese bonus points!) having tea and teacakes and buying stuff made in fun fabric and taking pictures and listening to taiko drummers and meeting Nakamura-sensei's ADORABLE children and watching cherry petals blow in the wind in a very cliche fashion.
Didn't sneeze once. No itchy eyes. I can breathe. ...So I don't think I'm allergic to cherry trees.
My new vote is dandelions and those little red-and-yellow pollen things that drop from most regular trees.
But I love cherry trees so I'm glad I'm not allergic.
I also met some friends of Buckwalter-sensei who are American but have lived in Tokyo for 20 years. We had a conversation in Japanese. A little slow and broken, but it was a conversation. It was awesome. I feel all proficient now.
AAAAAND I am at the hotel because Dad came up for an honor society induction dinner and YAY FILTERED AIR I'll be able to breathe in the morning! And I'm skipping service because haha, parent visit.
AND THE CARMOBILE IS OFFICIALLY ON CAMPUS TO STAY!
At least until I have to drive home for the summer. But yay dinner out! PIZZA! ICE CREAM! BREAD!
I am totally finally putting my keychain on my keys. Dude yes. I loves my keychain but all it's used for right now are the beach condo keys, which, haha, are only useful in the summer.
The internet is also letting me back on regular AIM and MSN again. I don't know what the problem was before, but it seems to be doing okay now.
---
...So yeah. This is cryptic and vague and actually might pertain...ah, never mind. Anyway, warning for semi-emo rant and incomplete thoughts. Just skip this if you wanna, the rest of my day was good enough to overcome this and now that I've remembered how good today was, it's fine.
...So I wonder if I haven't dropped out of it a bit. I mean, maybe it's the 40-page research paper staring me down, or maybe any of the myriad other finals I have to write/take. ...Nope, definitely that reserach paper. I know it will get done and I will, as always, have enough time to do it, though.
But I'm thinking I'm not as involved as I used to be, and it shows. ...I'm also thinking I'm becoming an annoyance, in a...erm...Tear way. For those of you who know what I mean. If you don't know, it's like...you foist your presence on someone overmuch and can't seem to do anything but prod them about one specific detail of life, and won't talk about anything other than that thing.
So yeah. ...So maybe I'm feeling a little ignored. This has very little to do with talking to people (IM), by the way.
It's the feeling of, and pardon the language, 'Why the hell am I here when I know that as soon as 'X' happens I won't be useful anymore?' The feeling of being the...the little step, or...ah, I lost my term. Like being...like being a 'tide-you-over' until the real solution or the specific event or person can be.
Like being an intrusion. Only necessary because something else is temporarily missing.
How very emo of me. I'll note that I do not, I repeat do not, have this feeling in my college life. There's a different self-worth issue there but I threw that into the fire, damn it, and I refuse to let it come back if I can help it.
But yeah. ...That's how it is. The people who're involved in this? Probably will never, ever see it. ...And even those who say they know how I feel, that they're in this same situation, do little to help when they realize that they are creating my situation.
Oh, life.
--
Right. So. Time for some Lost in Blue and then to start my Creative Writing homework. I was a good girl and read 122 pages of The Corrections last night for class on Tuesday. Annoying and well-written book, that is.
I spent most of my day in Philly at the Sakura Sunday thing (wooooot japanese bonus points!) having tea and teacakes and buying stuff made in fun fabric and taking pictures and listening to taiko drummers and meeting Nakamura-sensei's ADORABLE children and watching cherry petals blow in the wind in a very cliche fashion.
Didn't sneeze once. No itchy eyes. I can breathe. ...So I don't think I'm allergic to cherry trees.
My new vote is dandelions and those little red-and-yellow pollen things that drop from most regular trees.
But I love cherry trees so I'm glad I'm not allergic.
I also met some friends of Buckwalter-sensei who are American but have lived in Tokyo for 20 years. We had a conversation in Japanese. A little slow and broken, but it was a conversation. It was awesome. I feel all proficient now.
AAAAAND I am at the hotel because Dad came up for an honor society induction dinner and YAY FILTERED AIR I'll be able to breathe in the morning! And I'm skipping service because haha, parent visit.
AND THE CARMOBILE IS OFFICIALLY ON CAMPUS TO STAY!
At least until I have to drive home for the summer. But yay dinner out! PIZZA! ICE CREAM! BREAD!
I am totally finally putting my keychain on my keys. Dude yes. I loves my keychain but all it's used for right now are the beach condo keys, which, haha, are only useful in the summer.
The internet is also letting me back on regular AIM and MSN again. I don't know what the problem was before, but it seems to be doing okay now.
---
...So yeah. This is cryptic and vague and actually might pertain...ah, never mind. Anyway, warning for semi-emo rant and incomplete thoughts. Just skip this if you wanna, the rest of my day was good enough to overcome this and now that I've remembered how good today was, it's fine.
...So I wonder if I haven't dropped out of it a bit. I mean, maybe it's the 40-page research paper staring me down, or maybe any of the myriad other finals I have to write/take. ...Nope, definitely that reserach paper. I know it will get done and I will, as always, have enough time to do it, though.
But I'm thinking I'm not as involved as I used to be, and it shows. ...I'm also thinking I'm becoming an annoyance, in a...erm...Tear way. For those of you who know what I mean. If you don't know, it's like...you foist your presence on someone overmuch and can't seem to do anything but prod them about one specific detail of life, and won't talk about anything other than that thing.
So yeah. ...So maybe I'm feeling a little ignored. This has very little to do with talking to people (IM), by the way.
It's the feeling of, and pardon the language, 'Why the hell am I here when I know that as soon as 'X' happens I won't be useful anymore?' The feeling of being the...the little step, or...ah, I lost my term. Like being...like being a 'tide-you-over' until the real solution or the specific event or person can be.
Like being an intrusion. Only necessary because something else is temporarily missing.
How very emo of me. I'll note that I do not, I repeat do not, have this feeling in my college life. There's a different self-worth issue there but I threw that into the fire, damn it, and I refuse to let it come back if I can help it.
But yeah. ...That's how it is. The people who're involved in this? Probably will never, ever see it. ...And even those who say they know how I feel, that they're in this same situation, do little to help when they realize that they are creating my situation.
Oh, life.
--
Right. So. Time for some Lost in Blue and then to start my Creative Writing homework. I was a good girl and read 122 pages of The Corrections last night for class on Tuesday. Annoying and well-written book, that is.