Wow I can't believe it's been so long. I try to regularly check in on
my friends but for some reason I haven't been tempted to update myself. I
keep thinking about it, but when I get the time to sit down I've either
forgotten what I wanted to say or have no desire to write it all out. I
need some speech to text software so I can just talk to my computer.
The thing is, nothing in my life ever changes. I lose track of my days
because they all blur together in a haze of boredom. The highlight of my
day is going to the gym with Stacy, because I get to get out of the
house for a couple hours, have a little girl talk, etc. A couple of
times a week I work. That's about it.
I used to complain a lot. I think that's why I'm not writing so much.
Other than minor irritants, Josh and I are great! I really have no major
complaints. I don't even remember the last time we fought. It seems
that whole debacle with that WHORE last year really fixed things. It
seems all we needed was a huge blowout to nearly tear us apart and make
us talk things out. That was in what? September? Whenever it was, we've
been awesome since. Obviously no relationship is perfect, and he still
occasionally pulls dick moves that piss me off, but overall I'm really
happy.
We started talking about our future the other day. When we got together,
we knew we had an expiration date. Nowhere in Michigan offers Marine
Biology as an undergraduate degree and he won't leave Steph. He once
made a comment to me about how he didn't see how we could stay together
unless I was willing to put off school until she was 18. Well, this is
where I made ky mistake. I took it as I would have taken it if Mark had
said that to me. In fact, Mark said something similar. With him it came
down to giving up my dreams to settle with him, or break up. No
compromises, nothing. Well, instead of talking to Josh, I let it go.
Of course, it's easier to accept that your relationship will eventually
end when you've only been together for a short time. But we're pushing 4
years together. My heart breaks at the thought of not having him and
Stephanie in my life. So the other day we're talking and he made another
"wait until Stephanie turns 18" comment and I finally spoke up. I told
him I didn't see why I had to make sacrifices when he wasn't willing to
even compromise a little. He said, " you never asked for compromise."
Well fuck me, don't I feel like an ass? So we talked and I think we've
found a good answer that keeps everyone happy. I'm going to go to MSU
and get a zoology degree, rather than marine biology. MSU doesn't have a
marine biology degree, but it DOES have a zoology degree with a marine
biology specialization. It's too far from here, but we decided we could
find a place that would be a good halfway point between here and
Lansing. He'll be close to Steph, I'll he close to my family in Lansing,
and I'll be able to get my degree. It will be awhile before I can think
about school because I'm STILL trying to pay off that damn loan so I
can get financial aid. I get a master's and doctorate here if I want,
the biggest hurdle was the undergrad. By the time I'm done with school
Steph will be pretty close to 18.
I'm excited. It frustrates me that it changes nothing in the SHORT term.
I'm the type of person that wants to get going RIGHT THE FUCK NOW when I
come up with a plan. But it is a huge weight off of my shoulders to
know I don't have to choose between school and Josh.
Cookies and punch in the hall for anyone who made it all the way through!