~Colombia~
It's been a funny combination of joyous and sad being back here.
Dad keeps asking me if I can stay and makes it sound like a joke. I tell him I can't anyway - that I have three years of Uni ahead of me etc. Tonight he whispered 'what if something happens to me...' five months after his heart attack. It scares me as well.
My Mum says I can't live my life for other people, that I have to live my life first. But I never get used to being torn in two by my two very seperate homes. And it frustrates me that there will never be a solution...or that maybe if I manage to have enough money to create one in the future, it will be too late.
I'm writing this down because my counsellor (I think she might actually be helping now - at least I feel like she understands me a bit better) says I lock stuff away too much, and even though I'm not actually talking to anyone I thought it might help to just get the thoughts out of my system for a bit.
Just today I was thinking I should update with something more cheerful next time since my last two posts depress me with how depressing they are. I will have to try again later in the week. It annoys me taht when I am happy I rarely think about posting...
Dad keeps asking me if I can stay and makes it sound like a joke. I tell him I can't anyway - that I have three years of Uni ahead of me etc. Tonight he whispered 'what if something happens to me...' five months after his heart attack. It scares me as well.
My Mum says I can't live my life for other people, that I have to live my life first. But I never get used to being torn in two by my two very seperate homes. And it frustrates me that there will never be a solution...or that maybe if I manage to have enough money to create one in the future, it will be too late.
I'm writing this down because my counsellor (I think she might actually be helping now - at least I feel like she understands me a bit better) says I lock stuff away too much, and even though I'm not actually talking to anyone I thought it might help to just get the thoughts out of my system for a bit.
Just today I was thinking I should update with something more cheerful next time since my last two posts depress me with how depressing they are. I will have to try again later in the week. It annoys me taht when I am happy I rarely think about posting...