~Update~
- I am now 21, aka oooooold
- I think my ex boyfriend is looking for a get together. Messaged me asking if I'd like to go out for a coffee sometime (innocent enough) but panicked and thought I was ignoring him after I didn't reply after a day. Hmm. I wouldn't exactly mind it to be honest, but I know it wouldn't be good for either of us in the long run - the reality still would be that he's in London and I'm back here.
- College is good but stressful. I don't think I've worked this hard in my entire life. I've gone from being the laziest person in the class to the biggest art geek ever. Which is a good thing but odd - I always assumed I was genetically lazy but it turns out I just wasn't doing anything that inspired me enough to get off my arse and do some work.
- I am wondering what I would have been like if I'd gone to a state school. Some people at college (probably) insult me (I normally have my headphones in so I can't hear them) and give me filthy looks all the time, which I couldn't give a shit about really, but I have found myself thinking a little bit more about what I wear and how 'HELLO, PLEASE INSULT ME' it looks. One of my classmates said she loved what I wore and wished she had the courage and I kind of thought 'Huh?' but I can see how you could be scared into looking more mundane to be honest...especially when you're not old enough to have developed a thicker skin.
I've also been thinking about such things cause my Aunt and Uncle were being a tad snobby about what school they're going to send my cousin to - which basically means, in their words, 'somewhere with no chavs please'. Not sure how I feel about that. On one hand I know I went to a private school, but I feel like if my brother and I hadn't needed schools that taught English at a fluent standard in South America and a solid secondary schooling back in the UK while my Mum continued to work abroad, we might have been sent somewhere more normal. Private school isn't exactly idiot free after all...in fact, I think the habits you could pick up there (like thinking you're somehow better than everyone else cause of how much money you have, or that, actually the rest of the world can go fuck itself as long as Mummy and Daddy buy me that car I really want) could be a lot worse than those learnt in a more socially diverse place. After all, isn't that the real world? And isn't it better to let a child see reality rather than be wrapped up in cotton wool? I don't know really. I might have ended up being a completely different person if I hadn't gone to Frensham...I think I was weird well before I walked into that school, but on the other hand I am pretty sensitive and insecure once you strip me of all the protective layers so who knows...
- Am (also) annoyed that said Uncle and Aunt are putting so much importance on said cousin learning Spanish. I know they're probably just trying to 'connect' with me and my brother, but I sort of feel like my British family have mostly disliked my South American traits or those traits I get from my father. Like my argumentative nature, going to sleep ridiculously late etc, etc. and it feels a bit cheap to be all 'Hey Ellen being latin is really cool' when they don't really seem to appreciate what's behind it. And maybe I'm a bit selfish, like it's my background and my culture and I'm not sure I really want other people to think they can have Spanish GCSE and be a part of it? But that's mostly because I feel ike a Rey de Castro in a Board world sometimes, though I appreciate I might not feel that way if my fiesty Irish Grandma was still alive. I love my family, I really do, but I have this whole other side of me that I'm not sure they can ever really understand.
- To end on a cheery note: I am getting my hair done on Saturday a la 40s/50s as my last birthday present :D Can't wait...though my eyebrows seriously need some de-Frida Kahlo-ing if my fringe is getting shorter :S
- I think my ex boyfriend is looking for a get together. Messaged me asking if I'd like to go out for a coffee sometime (innocent enough) but panicked and thought I was ignoring him after I didn't reply after a day. Hmm. I wouldn't exactly mind it to be honest, but I know it wouldn't be good for either of us in the long run - the reality still would be that he's in London and I'm back here.
- College is good but stressful. I don't think I've worked this hard in my entire life. I've gone from being the laziest person in the class to the biggest art geek ever. Which is a good thing but odd - I always assumed I was genetically lazy but it turns out I just wasn't doing anything that inspired me enough to get off my arse and do some work.
- I am wondering what I would have been like if I'd gone to a state school. Some people at college (probably) insult me (I normally have my headphones in so I can't hear them) and give me filthy looks all the time, which I couldn't give a shit about really, but I have found myself thinking a little bit more about what I wear and how 'HELLO, PLEASE INSULT ME' it looks. One of my classmates said she loved what I wore and wished she had the courage and I kind of thought 'Huh?' but I can see how you could be scared into looking more mundane to be honest...especially when you're not old enough to have developed a thicker skin.
I've also been thinking about such things cause my Aunt and Uncle were being a tad snobby about what school they're going to send my cousin to - which basically means, in their words, 'somewhere with no chavs please'. Not sure how I feel about that. On one hand I know I went to a private school, but I feel like if my brother and I hadn't needed schools that taught English at a fluent standard in South America and a solid secondary schooling back in the UK while my Mum continued to work abroad, we might have been sent somewhere more normal. Private school isn't exactly idiot free after all...in fact, I think the habits you could pick up there (like thinking you're somehow better than everyone else cause of how much money you have, or that, actually the rest of the world can go fuck itself as long as Mummy and Daddy buy me that car I really want) could be a lot worse than those learnt in a more socially diverse place. After all, isn't that the real world? And isn't it better to let a child see reality rather than be wrapped up in cotton wool? I don't know really. I might have ended up being a completely different person if I hadn't gone to Frensham...I think I was weird well before I walked into that school, but on the other hand I am pretty sensitive and insecure once you strip me of all the protective layers so who knows...
- Am (also) annoyed that said Uncle and Aunt are putting so much importance on said cousin learning Spanish. I know they're probably just trying to 'connect' with me and my brother, but I sort of feel like my British family have mostly disliked my South American traits or those traits I get from my father. Like my argumentative nature, going to sleep ridiculously late etc, etc. and it feels a bit cheap to be all 'Hey Ellen being latin is really cool' when they don't really seem to appreciate what's behind it. And maybe I'm a bit selfish, like it's my background and my culture and I'm not sure I really want other people to think they can have Spanish GCSE and be a part of it? But that's mostly because I feel ike a Rey de Castro in a Board world sometimes, though I appreciate I might not feel that way if my fiesty Irish Grandma was still alive. I love my family, I really do, but I have this whole other side of me that I'm not sure they can ever really understand.
- To end on a cheery note: I am getting my hair done on Saturday a la 40s/50s as my last birthday present :D Can't wait...though my eyebrows seriously need some de-Frida Kahlo-ing if my fringe is getting shorter :S