~Sigh~
So I'm single again.
Went up to London to see Andrew and I think we were both in denial about why we were there for the first hour or so until we found the courage to bring it up. I never thought it would be this hard...I started to well up the minute I started talking about it - managed to hold the tears back until he left because he didn't want me to cry and be upset but I've been sobbing on and off ever since. I'm so glad I had my Mum with me on the train back home. Don't know what I would have done without her. Crying in public is bad enough, let alone being alone and feeling like everyone is staring at you. And it's even worse when I think about how he has no family at home and probably won't confide in anyone...he sent me a text while I was on the train saying 'I'll miss you' and it all started pouring out of me.
I know it was the right thing to do, and he agreed with me. Neither of us wanted this to end with us hating each other - and I think that would have been inevitable with the long distance and the two of us having very busy lives at the moment. But it feels so far from right, I just feel completely torn up inside about it. I'm fine until I remember what's happened and then I just start crying again. I am aboslutely dreading my driving lesson tomorrow. Last thing my instructor needs is me sobbing over hitting a curb or something equally ridiculous.
Think I've really underestimated the role he's played in my life over the past year. This feels more horrible than I ever imagined.
What's even worse is that the course I was supposed to be starting in September was canceled because they didn't have enough applicants, so I currently do not have a college place (I've applied for three that still have places so fingers crossed) and I might have given up my job, friends, city and boyfriend for absolutely fuck all.
Seriously guys, wish me luck.
Went up to London to see Andrew and I think we were both in denial about why we were there for the first hour or so until we found the courage to bring it up. I never thought it would be this hard...I started to well up the minute I started talking about it - managed to hold the tears back until he left because he didn't want me to cry and be upset but I've been sobbing on and off ever since. I'm so glad I had my Mum with me on the train back home. Don't know what I would have done without her. Crying in public is bad enough, let alone being alone and feeling like everyone is staring at you. And it's even worse when I think about how he has no family at home and probably won't confide in anyone...he sent me a text while I was on the train saying 'I'll miss you' and it all started pouring out of me.
I know it was the right thing to do, and he agreed with me. Neither of us wanted this to end with us hating each other - and I think that would have been inevitable with the long distance and the two of us having very busy lives at the moment. But it feels so far from right, I just feel completely torn up inside about it. I'm fine until I remember what's happened and then I just start crying again. I am aboslutely dreading my driving lesson tomorrow. Last thing my instructor needs is me sobbing over hitting a curb or something equally ridiculous.
Think I've really underestimated the role he's played in my life over the past year. This feels more horrible than I ever imagined.
What's even worse is that the course I was supposed to be starting in September was canceled because they didn't have enough applicants, so I currently do not have a college place (I've applied for three that still have places so fingers crossed) and I might have given up my job, friends, city and boyfriend for absolutely fuck all.
Seriously guys, wish me luck.