Je ne t'attendais pas (11/?)
“What are you doing?” Sebastian asked alarmingly, pulling out of Kurt’s embrace.
“I thought that was quite obvious,” Kurt answered with a smirk, already moving forward again.
“No, no, no, Kurt you can’t do that!” Sebastian exclaimed.
“I didn’t know kissing was such a problem to you. Last time I checked you were kind of into it,” Kurt snapped. “Next time you’re going to reject someone, do it with a little more elegance.” He sounded so hurt it made Sebastian freak out even more than he already did.
“I’m not rejecting you!” he almost yelled. “Why are you kissing me anyway?!”
“Because that’s what people do when they feel good with a person they’re attracted to and they know the feeling is reciprocated!” Kurt breathed deeply to try and calm down. “Listen, I spent a lovely evening with you, and I had the feeling you did, too, and I just wanted to kiss you, so I did. I really don’t see what the big deal is.”
“But I don’t do relationships! You know that, I warned you, and I don’t see why you would kiss me if it weren’t because you want a relationship and I can’t do that,” Sebastian rambled, without ever looking at Kurt.
“Chill the fuck out, Sebastian! It was just a kiss it’s not like I made you a fucking declaration of love!” Kurt yelled.
“Who said that?! I never said that!”
“Then what is your point, Sebastian?”
“My point is that I don’t do relationships and that’s all.” Sebastian was pacing up and down.
“I just don’t get it!” Kurt shouted. “First you spend half an hour explaining to me how you don’t care and relationship or not it’s all the same to you and now you’re afraid of a fucking kiss? I will be gone in not even two months, it’s not like I’m going to stalk you and want to marry you!”
“Oh wow, you really don’t get it. I’m not afraid of relationships because I’m afraid of commitment. Well it’s not the main reason anyway.”
“Then what is?”
“I just… I just don’t see the point, ok? In a few days, a few weeks if we’re lucky, you’ll start noticing things you don’t like about me. Then you will start to hate them. But you’ll still like me so you won’t say anything until you just can’t stand it, can’t stand me anymore, and everything will just be a big hurtful mess. Or even worse, it will be the opposite. Me starting to silently hate you and you hurting over the fact that I break things off with you because everything you did just got to me. Every relationship has an end. And it’s always hurtful. So why even bother? Like you just said, you’ll be gone in two months. If we start liking each other as more than friends, you leaving will be terrible to handle. I just don’t want that.”
Sebastian was now sitting on his couch, his head between his hands. When he stopped speaking, Kurt felt both surprised and tired. He could never have imagined Sebastian was the type to over think. His theory felt both very logical and completely insane. Of course relationships ended and more often badly than not but it was also what brings the most happiness in one’s life. Saying that it wasn’t worth it was cynical and totally depressing. And Kurt had come to Paris to live from day to day, and forget everything that was depressing in his everyday life. He just didn’t felt like dealing with this now.
“Listen, I just did what I really wanted to do. They always say you only regret what you don’t do. All I’m saying is that, I’m here for two months. Why not make the best of it? We all have to loosen up sometimes and forget about our fears. If you don’t want that, it’s fine and I will respect it. But in that case I don’t think I want to see you and think everyday about what could have been.”
Sebastian sensed this was the end of the discussion. “We can still be friends! We’ve had a good time together, haven’t we?” he asked Kurt.
“Yes, we have. And we could have a better time even, but apparently you don’t want that. I’m not here to settle, I can do that in New York. I’m here to live like I wish I could so if you don’t want a relationship with me, I don’t think we can see each other again,” Kurt stated. He gathered his belongings and started to leave Sebastian’s apartment.
“Even in Paris you have to compromise if you want a relationship, you know!” Sebastian called after him.
Fuck. How could he let that happen? It was truly the prefect evening, everything had gone well, his friends hadn’t make fools of themselves in front of Kurt, the weather had been pleasant, they had just been drunk enough to find everything nice and funny but not enough that one of them felt sick. Nothing was supposed to go wrong. Nothing but him, apparently. Of course he was the one to fuck everything up. His stupid fears had been stronger than him, once again.
He realized the music was still playing in the room and the words of the current song, the discussion between these two men sounded awfully familiar.
ERWAN :
Ne vois tu pas
Que du sol au ciel de ton état
Tout n’est que gel
Réchauffe toi
Don’t you see
That from the ground to the sky of your state
Everything’s freezing
Warm yourself up
Il faudra bien que tu t’avances
Si on veut combler la distance
Entre nous
You’ll have to move forward
If we want the distance between us
To disappear
ISMAEL :
Il faudrait t’accrocher plus fort
Si tu veux t’accrocher encore
A mon cou
You’ll have to catch on stronger
If you still want to catch hold
Of my neck
ERWAN :
Le mystère de tes yeux las
Ce petit mystère il tient à quoi ?
Ce pauvre mystère en sale état
The mystery of your weary eyes
This little mystery, where does it come from?
This poor mystery
ISMAEL :
N’a rien à faire entre tes bras
Has nothing to do in your arms
While he reached to turn the damn thing off, Erwan’s next line automatically came to Sebastian’s mind. “Connard!” (“Jerk!”)
A/N: I hope you don't want to kill me now.
Just so you know, I will be on vacations for two weeks and have no idea of when I'll be able to update the next chapter. I hope I'll have time to write in the meantime but I certainly cannot promise anything, so thanks for your patience. And reviews make me happy :)