Je ne t'attendais pas (8/?)
The morning after, Kurt went to the Louvre just like he intended to. He spent three hours there to see the most important works; the Mona Lisa sorely disappointed him. It was behind a huge window and 50 tourists surrounded it so you could barely see it. Then there were other famous works that he was happy to finally see, like La Liberté Guidant Le Peuple from Delacroix. But what he was the most impressed with were the various sculptures in the Great Hall. Some were absolutely wonderful and he regretted not having more knowledge about classic art, because it had to be ten times more interesting to see all this knowing what it is all about or how and by whom it had been made.
After that, he bought a sandwich at the Starbucks that was in the Carrousel and ate it in the Jardin des Tuileries, which was absolutely beautiful. The grass was deep green, and gorgeous monuments such as the museum of decorative Arts (that he wanted to visit sooner or later, too) surrounded it. The Louvre and the pyramid were an anachronism but it was somehow beautiful to see that old castles and modern architecture could cohabit, each one accentuating the beauty of the other.
After his frugal meal, Kurt began reading the book he had taken with him as he tanned. He really was living day to day and the decision to come to Paris for this long was one of the best decisions he had ever made. He then headed to a nice café not too far away.
When he started sipping his café crème, he heard a French song and listened to the lyrics.
Attendras-tu de moi
Qu’attendras-tu de moi
Si on se revoit quand même
Puis-je t’attendrir encore
Si on fait un effort
Pour se revoir quand même
Will you expect from me
What will you expect from me
If we see each other again
Can I tender you
If we make an effort
To see each other again
Of course it reminded him of Sebastian and how he had promised he would call a less drunken version of him today to make fun of him. So he just did so.
Incoming call from Kurt
“Hi?” Sebastian asked tentatively after seeing the number the caller ID flashed.
“What? I only get a “hi”? After what I learned yesterday I was expecting something a tad more expressive!”Kurt said, his sad tone mocking.
“Oh fuck off. Like you never say stupid things when you’re drunk,“Sebastian answered grumpily. “I’m lucky I even remember it.”
“Well I don’t know who the lucky one here is. I got to hear youbegme to come over.”Kurt answered playfully.
“Well I’ve got no problem with people coming; I thought you already knew that.”
“You’re really out of your game today, Skater boy. With beg and come in the same sentence you could have done better. I’m utterly disappointed,” Kurt shot back with a fake sigh.
“You know I’m hungover. You’re really a bitch,” Sebastian answered, shaking his head even though Kurt couldn’t see him.
“At your service, good sir. And no I don’t mean in it in a literal way,”Kurt quickly added before Sebastian had the time to answer. “Anyway, want to get rid of that headache by taking me somewhere of your choice?”
“See? You’re the one missing me!” Sebastian answered with a smile.
“Oh I only miss your knowledge. I wanted to go the île de la Cité today but I don’t know a single thing about it except what’s written in my guide, which is not much.”
“ Yeah, sure,” he teased. “But um, why not? Let’s meet in front of Notre Dame in about an hour, okay?”
“Works with me!”Kurt answered happily. “See you later, then!”
“See you!”
Kurt damn well knew he wouldn’t have asked Sebastian to meet with him if he had been in the States; he would have been self conscious or shy. But here, in Paris, he was truly himself and he did just what he wanted when he wanted to, and what did he have to lose? Even if Sebastian had told him to fuck off, it’s not like he was going to see him ever again since he was living here. And he really did need a tour around the île de la Cité.
Anhour later, Sebastian was slowly realizing that telling someone to meet him in front of Notre Dame was maybe not the cleverest idea he ever had. There were hundreds of people on the parvis, either waiting to enter the cathedral or just taking pictures. After what felt like hours of searching through the crowd, Sebastian finally found Kurt, who was waving at him.
They stood awkwardly in front of each other, not really knowing what to say or do. Shaking hands was too formal, and a hug or a kiss on the cheek, as the French did were not valuable options.
“Hi, how are you doing?” Kurt asked, settling for nothing.
“Well, you know how it is. I feel like some stubborn kid is playing with Thor’s hammer inside my head. Nothing special.”
“You only have yourself to blame!” Kurt answered, knowing that was probably the most annoying thing to hear when you’re hung-over. Annoying Sebastian was something he enjoyed a lot.
“I hate you,” Sebastian answered with a sigh. “Well I hope you don’t want to visit Notre Dame because there are way too many people for my liking, the inside isn’t as beautiful as the outside and it’s just a huge church anyway,” Sebastian said childishly.
“No need to be all grumpy, I just visited it. You won’t have to suffer the horrorof entering an architectural wonder.”
“Awesome!” Sebastian answered without noticing the irony in Kurt’s tone. “Let’s go.”
Sebastian showed him the Palais de Justice, and they wandered a bit, before heading to the île Saint Louis. He explained that both of these “islands” were what Paris was in the middle age. They crossed a couple of bridges, including one where some people were singing, dancing, or even making huge soap bubbles.
Suddenly Sebastian stopped Kurt in the middle of a sentence.
“I know what we should do! I’ll take you to Berthillon.”
“You’ll take me to what?”
“It’s the best ice cream maker in Paris. And it’s only a couple of streets away and they are so amazing, and when you eat them on the quais de Seine it’s actually perfect,” Sebastian gushed.
“Didn’t think you were an ice-cream kind of guy,” Kurt said matter-of-factly.
“Why not? What ‘kind of guy’ am I according to you?” Sebastian answered, sounding almost offended.
“I don’t know. I guess you seem like a guy who would like meat and cheese and red wine. I thought you disliked everything sweet. In your life and in everything you eat.”
“Woah, you jump to conclusions! And you couldn’t be more wrong. I’ll have you know, I like cheese, even if I hate everything cheesy and I like to eat all things sweet. I actually like to eat almost everything. But ice creams, chocolate, sweets? They’re my weakness. Besides, I’m sure you’re the kind of guy who pretends to eat all ‘healthy’ but secretly loves everything made with a lot of sugar and fat.”
“I… I don’t pretend anything!” Kurt answered, annoyed that someone who knew him so little could decipher something about him, or more precisely his eating habits.
“Yeah, sure. Anyway, here we are!”
The waiting line was huge, but it was worth it, as far as Sebastian was concerned. They went on teasing each other lightly while waiting and finally ordered. Sebastian then took Kurt to the quais de Seine. They ate their ice creams while looking at the passing ships and Sebastian couldn’t help but notice the absolutely obscene way Kurt ate his ice cream. Who swallows the ice, really? And the way Kurt licked at it while looking at him couldn’t be just a mark of his attention at Sebastian’s words. Luckily, Kurt asked him a question that would draw his attention to something else.
“Why did you come to Paris to study anyway? They are plenty of good schools in the States.”
“Don’t you like Paris?” Sebastian asked.
“Duh! Of course I do!” Kurt answered with an incredulous look. Who could not like this town, really?
“Well, so do I. End of the story,” Sebastian shot back.
“Is that your only answer? Seems a little light for me,” Kurt remarked matter-of-factly.
“I could ask you exactly the same question. Why’d you come to Paris for so long?”
“Unlike you, I have a real answer. And I’m not afraid to tell you,” Kurt said with a piercing look. “I just finished my four years at NYADA and it was amazing. But I was feeling a little out of my league.”
“Why? I thought it was a perfect place and everything you’ve always wanted or some crap you said at the end of our senior year.”
“Well yeah, it was. But it was also very difficult. And there are a lot of people like me. Everyone I loved used to make me feel like I was one of a kind but at NYADA I was just like everyone else. I never was one of those who shined brighter than the others. Or at least nobody ever told me so,” Kurt answered with a shrug. “And now I don’t know if I want to do this all my life. Do I really want to be a mildly talented performer who is only ever gonna be an understudy? I don’t think so. But I don’t know what to do with my life if I don’t do this. I’ve only ever performed since high school. And I was never made to do some “normal” job,” he said, emphasizing the quotation marks with his fingers. “I don’t want to end up a waiter because I’m not talented enough to do something else,” he finally ended up saying. He wondered why he was telling Sebastian all of this. He was probably going to tell him to shut up.
“So basically you’re scared, insecure and a drama queen,” Sebastian summed up.
“Geez, thanks Sebastian. That’s certainly going to boost my self-esteem,” Kurt answered sharply. Why did he think speaking to Sebastian would be a good idea again?
“No, that’s not an insult, I’m serious. You’re obviously insecure about your talent. I don’t know if you are talented or not because I haven’t seen you perform since high school and even back then I wasn’t really looking at you so I can’t tell. But Blaine never stopped gushing about you. And even though he was head over heels for you, you can’t deny he knew what a good performer was. I know I can trust his judgment on that. And you’ve probably become better while studying at NYADA. So maybe you weren’t the best in that school, but it doesn’t make you worthless. Don’t you think it is the same for me? I’m not the best that’s for sure but since I study something I love, I know I’m still going to end up with a job that I’ll like. Even if it’s not what I’ve always dreamt of,” Sebastian confessed. “So stop being melodramatic. And you’re obviously scared of not finding a job, which I suppose is why you came here for two months to not begin searching for one just now. Am I right?”
“You know you are,” Kurt answered, annoyed. “Since when do you know how to read people so well, seriously?”
“I know people to whom it happened, too. We may study different things but it’s still the same. You used to be the best before college, so you went to a very good one and now you’re scared because you’re not the best anymore. Doesn’t mean you’re bad at what you do. You’ve just lost sense of reality,” Sebastian explained.
“Yeah, you may be right,” Kurt sighed. “I’m not sure it makes me feel better, though.”
“You’ll see, after two months in Paris you’ll be a whole new person. Nothing will scare you anymore.” Kurt hoped he was right. “That’s what happened to me the first time I came here,” Sebastian added.
“Speaking of which, you still owe me an explanation. Why did you decide to come here to study?” Kurt asked.
“You won’t give up about that, will you?” Sebastian sighed. He was a little annoyed but happy at the same time. Not a lot of people wanted to know so much about his life that they would ask even if it made him grumpy. Because grumpy Sebastian was not someone you want to meet.
“Of course I won’t. I’m as stubborn as my dad. Which is saying something, believe me,” Kurt said with a fond smile.
“I’ll take your word for it!” Sebastian answered, fighting back his own smile.
After five seconds of silence, Kurt began to lose his patience. “So? What is the story behind your departure?”
“Well, if you reallywant to know…” Kurt gave him his best bitch-please-look. “Well the truth is I’ve always been very ambitious and I did not only want to go to a good school. I wanted to go to the bestschool. So at first I tried searching everything about every Ivy League college. I had almost decided to go to Harvard during my junior year - I like to know what my future is made of and I like to have multiple options. But, uh…” Sebastian was obviously trying to gain some time. He looked a little nervous. “I mean, it’s not a big deal and it’s not only what made me change my life or something,” he added quickly. “I just - let’s say I had complicated relationships with my stepmother. She married my father a couple of years ago and she’s overall pretty nice but she’s very jealous. Her own son isn’t good at anything and she’s very jealous that I’m successful. So she kind of spent her time telling me that it was okay to go to a normal college, like Ohio State University and she told my father he didn’t have to spend so much money on me and so on and so forth. And she even told me that if they didn’t want me at Harvard it was not a real problem, I could do something great at another college! I don’t think she realized that under my cocky attitude, I actually was talented. Every time I brought up my future she ended up telling my father and I that ‘you could have a good life without even graduating high school, just like her own son’. Which can be true, but has nothing to do with me wanting to go the best university.” Sebastian took a pause, there, looking at everything but Kurt.
“The thing is, his son didn’t graduate high school, and now he doesn’t even search for a job. He just isn’t motivated enough to do that. He’s totally lazy, he has no ambition and spends his time watching TV and waiting for his mum to give him money. Which is not okay. And just because he isn’t able to do something with his life means I shouldn’t be able to do what I want? That’s bullshit!” Sebastian was now speaking angrily.
“Yeah, that does suck,” Kurt nodded. “But didn’t your father say anything about it?”
“No, not really. Well, never in front of her. He always told me that I should do what I want but never told her how wrong she was or even that it was kind of hurting me that she wouldn’t believe in me, or trust my capabilities and my judgment. So I decided to leave for real. I had a serious conversation with my father about it, explaining why I wanted to leave, and that he didn’t have to worry because it was a great school and all that crap. And I only told my stepmother that I was going to France for university, which she probably thought was good because she wouldn’t have to compare her son’s fuckingfailure and my fucking success every damn day!” Sebastian almost shouted. He breathed deeply while Kurt was staring at him intently. His hands were joined and his forearms rested on his thighs. A little blush was spreading across his neck and collarbone, probably from anger. He was looking at her feet but he turned to face Kurt.
“You see, nothing really interesting.”
“No, I actually find that fascinating. It’s the first time you’ve shared something really personal with me, you know, “Kurt said with a small smile.
“Well, you forced me,” Sebastian pointed out.
Kurt didn’t comment on that because he was sure Sebastian would never admit how liberating and nice sharing personal thoughts sometimes was.
“Anyway, my point being that I now enjoy what I do and I think I would have considered coming to Paris either way. Just because she was a bitch to me does not mean I had a terrible childhood and I came here to escape her or some crappy psychological stuff you probably want to say right now. I just wanted to get away from all these people who are scared to want things, you know? French people are not afraid of ambition - they embrace it. Well, most of them anyway,” he added.
“Are people really that different here?” Kurt asked.
“Oh yeah! I could go on for hours. But it’s much more fun discovering it by yourself,” Sebastian said with a wink. “I think I prefer French people. They’re more like me. They say what they think, even if it hurts. Especially if it hurts, in some cases. That makes them way funnier! I made a lot of good friends. Way more than in America.”
“Speaking of which, your friend Guillaume wanted to see me, didn’t he?” Kurt asked.
“Oh god no. You don’t want to see Guillaume, trust me.” He would make everything embarrassing for the two of us, he added in his head.
“Why not? I’d love to meet French people!” Kurt exclaimed.
“He won’t have time anyway,” Sebastian said when his phone began to ring.
“Speaking of the devil… Salut Guigui!” he greeted his best friend. “What? No, I don’t think so. No really. I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Sebastian answered to whatever Guillaume was telling him, frowning. “Uh, yeah he’s with me right now,” he said, looking at Kurt. Right after that Kurt heard a yelling coming from the cell phone. “KUUUUUUUUURT! TAKE THE PHOOOOOONE!”
He did exactly as he was told and began to speak to Guillaume who spoke perfect English.
“Seb says you don’t want to come drink with us tomorrow!”
“I’ve never said that! I definitely want to meet you!” Kurt answered excitedly.
“Then I guess it’s all set! Tell Sebby he has no choice!” Guillaume said with a laugh.
“I will! See you soon, then!”
When Kurt hung up Sebastian was pouting. “I know this is a bad idea. I’ll understand if you don’t want to come and everything,” he told Kurt with the tiny hope that he would effectively cancel.
“Don’t count on that! I will be here tomorrow to meet your friends.”