Equal Opportunity Holiday My Patootie!
I have proof, PROOF, that Valentine's Day is meant for the MENS of the world to be slathering their sweeties with cards, candy and such and for the WOMENS of the world to sit back and accept the cavalcade of giftery that they see as their right.
PROOF!
I, being the lazy-worthless-thoughtless-dipshit that I am, waited until today, the Day of Valentines itself to get my wife, my beloved cutie, her rightful love-tokens.
And what did I find?
A card display shorn near bald of all 'To My Beloved Holder of the Vagina' cards. Romantic cards? A paltry few. Religious cards? A couple, but being the soulless-churchless scoundrel that I am I could hardly get those. Funny cards? My preffered genre of Holiday Card Communications? GONE! Nary a one!
But, those cards meant for the 'Tolerated Possessor of the Wang'? There were scores! A grundle! As far as the eye could see there were still unpurchased recycled-paper conveyors of romantic wishings!
Bah! Bah and Fie upon the concept that Valentines Day is a day of equal opportunity romance making!
I sit disillusioned. And in the possession of a card that hardly illustrates the hights to which my love for my Darling soars. It does not properly depict the vastness of my adoration.
Basically, I waited too long. God I'm a dumbass.
PROOF!
I, being the lazy-worthless-thoughtless-dipshit that I am, waited until today, the Day of Valentines itself to get my wife, my beloved cutie, her rightful love-tokens.
And what did I find?
A card display shorn near bald of all 'To My Beloved Holder of the Vagina' cards. Romantic cards? A paltry few. Religious cards? A couple, but being the soulless-churchless scoundrel that I am I could hardly get those. Funny cards? My preffered genre of Holiday Card Communications? GONE! Nary a one!
But, those cards meant for the 'Tolerated Possessor of the Wang'? There were scores! A grundle! As far as the eye could see there were still unpurchased recycled-paper conveyors of romantic wishings!
Bah! Bah and Fie upon the concept that Valentines Day is a day of equal opportunity romance making!
I sit disillusioned. And in the possession of a card that hardly illustrates the hights to which my love for my Darling soars. It does not properly depict the vastness of my adoration.
Basically, I waited too long. God I'm a dumbass.