Forays into Ozzy Fanfic

[vilajunkie]

I don't think any of you, my LJ friends, know that I write some of my own stories, including stories about Oz. Well, I may have hinted so here and there, but I've never made it explicit. Anyway, I realized that I need some beta-readers for my work, and who better than fellow Oz fans and rp/fanfic writers? Comments and suggestions are highly

Comments

[vovat]

It's a good start. I think the writing is a little choppy at first, and the description of Ozma sounds too similar to some of Baum's own, but it hits its stride once the knight comes onto the scene. His refusal to remove his helmet does sound like you're setting up a mystery, but I don't know that it would work too well to make him an established character. Maybe he's under some kind of curse. And I think the constant repetition of "a small but noble province" after the name of the knight's home is a good comedic bit, and I liked Bungle's making fun of it. One thing I have to wonder is why no one has really tried to directly address Sol, since it's typical for animals to talk in Oz, but maybe that can be saved for a later chapter.

If I may pick a nit, Bungle is presented as female in the Oz books, and there's no S at the end of her name.

[vilajunkie]

Thanks for your commentary Nathan! I agree that there needs to be more of a build-up, I think, before the Knight gets onto the scene. I let Sol talk at length in the next chapter, and you'll see his true feelings of the Knight show. For the record, Sol is not what he seems either. The Knight may not be an established character, but I certainly use an established country as to his real identity.

I'll change Bungles to Bungle, but I was unsure about his/her gender. I thought it switched at some point. or am I wrong?

By the way, what did you think of my deviation of Jellia Jamb from some of the more standard, Caucasian-centric views?

[vovat]

The Knight may not be an established character, but I certainly use an established country as to his real identity.

"Established country" as in the Munchkin, or a smaller country than that?

I'm pretty sure Bungle has been referred to as both "she" and "it," but never as "he."

By the way, what did you think of my deviation of Jellia Jamb from some of the more standard, Caucasian-centric views?

I think caramel-colored skin fits for Jellia. Then again, caramels come in different colors, don't they?

[vilajunkie]

"Established" country as smaller than the Munchkin Country. I was meaning to ask you, what non-Baum FF are in the public domain? That may help me decide on who and what to add in future stories.

Hmm, I suppose you're right about that! What makes you think caramel (light to medium tan I suppose) fits Jellia?

[vovat]

I believe all of the non-Baum FF books in the public domain are Royal Book, Kabumpo, Wishing Horse, Captain Salt, Handy Mandy, Silver Princess, Ozoplaning, Magical Mimics, and Shaggy Man.

What makes you think caramel (light to medium tan I suppose) fits Jellia?

Mostly just the candy association, I suppose.