I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive...14/?
In that moment, I almost forgot that the past five weeks had happened.
It sounds so clichéd but it’s true.
I almost forgot where I was even.
And what made it even better was the fact that Brendon was kissing me back this time. I didn’t want it to end.
My head began to spin either from the lack of air, or kissing Brendon, or a combination of both. Most likely the latter.
I wound my arm around his neck, pressing myself against him as I tugged on his hair, pulling his head up.
Brendon groaned into my mouth, his hands moving up my sides. I winced as his hands brushed over my waist, against my -
“Hell!”
My eyes fluttered open as I sat back, breathless.
Seeing the faint blush that had crept into Brendon’s cheeks as he opened his eyes, I knew that he’d heard it too.
I leapt off the bed and wrenched the door open, jumping back in horror as both Spencer and Jon fell into the room.
I hadn’t honestly given them a thought for quite a while; I’d completely forgotten that Spencer was actually home.
And it seemed that Jon was with him.
Crap.
I glared down at them as ominously as I could, backing into the room as they scrambled up, brushing themselves off hastily.
I glanced at Brendon who was sitting casually on the bed, his hands behind his head as he looked at them disapprovingly.
Damn, he’s good at that.
Then I noticed that his hair was all sticking up on end, more than usual at least, courtesy of me, and that his face was slightly flushed still.
Maybe not...
I sat down on the bed, still glaring, as Spencer shut the door and turned to us with a raised eyebrow.
I turned to Brendon who was staring hard at Spencer, his brow furrowed in anger, before he caught my eye and smiled brightly.
I was pissed off too.
It was obvious what they’d been doing.
“You weren’t spying through the keyhole, now, were you?” Brendon asked, folding his arms. The look on his face was so stern it made me want to laugh.
Brendon, stern?
“No,” said Spencer, and Jon flushed, rubbing the back of his neck embarrassedly.
Spencer had always been a good liar; I wondered if he’d felt even a twinge of guilt when he’d done all those things to me, and if it weren’t for Jon I might’ve even believed him. Might.
“Pffft.” Brendon scrunched up his nose at them. “Naughty, naughty.”
Spencer gave him a look. “Do you want to stay tonight or not?”
I grinned against my will, and Spencer leapt upon that single movement.
“See, Ryan wants you to stay!”
My grin slipped from my face instantly and I glared at Spencer, remembering that it was he who had gotten my head so screwed up in the first place, in the nicest terms I could think of.
“We...could play truth or dare again,” he continued slyly.
I looked at Brendon; he moved over and wrapped his arms around my midriff, resting his chin on my shoulder. “That’d be lame Spencer,” he whined.
It was Jon who had my attention; he smiled slightly, his eyes on us, and catching my gaze, grinned openly.
He looked pointedly at me, then at Brendon, and I shrugged ever so slightly, mouthing, “I hope so.”
Really, really hope so...
I just tuned out from what Spencer was saying; I instead thought back to when I’d been kissing Brendon, the softness of his lips, his hair, the way he’d groaned...
I came back to reality just in time to hear, “Spencer? Can I come in?”
The door opened anyway; Spencer’s mom stuck her head around the edge and said quickly said, “Spencer, honey, I’m going out with some friends tonight, I won’t be back till later, so if you want to order pizza or something that’s fine, I’ll leave some money on the mantelpiece.”
“Sweet,” said Spencer, “thanks mom.”
She left then, but as she did, I swear she grinned and flicked me the barest shadow of a wink.
My eyes widened. Is this what it’s going to be like? Jesus.
“Spencer,” I said coolly, unable to cope any more. “Piss off, please.”
Spencer put his hands on his hips and looked at me. “You can’t kick me out of my own room, Ry.”
“That looks very arch, Spence,” said Brendon suddenly. “Is there something you’re not telling us?”
I snapped my head around, and he grinned as I turned back to Spencer, who had turned the colour of a tomato.
“C’mon Jon,” he muttered, opening the door and leaving without another glance at me. Jon beamed at us and followed him, and I saw his hand slip around Spencer’s hip as he left, shutting the door behind him.
“By the way, Spence, yes, I am staying,” yelled Brendon cheerfully as the door snapped shut, but there was no answer.
So he really isn’t telling us something then...
~Brendon~
I burst out laughing as Ryan looked at me and pulled a face, turning back to stare at the door.
It would be hard to describe all the emotions I’d felt when he was pressed against me, his lips on mine.
Watching the colour steadily deepen in his cheeks, I realised I was staring at Ryan kind of dreamily and the blood rushed into my face as I looked away and sighed.
It wouldn’t be true if I said I wasn’t freaking out. I’d just kissed a guy. And not just any guy either...
Ryan Ross...the one that everyone wants to be with...
Spencer had also told me, in addition to what he’d done, how every new person that showed up in one of Ryan’s classes had tried to get with him, well, all the girls at least and a many of the guys. He’d explained that Ryan had pushed every single one of them away, and although he’d told Ryan it was because he was attractive, especially in the physical sense, Ryan wouldn’t listen and became all the more adamant about being alone but for Spencer.
He didn’t even know why Ryan had taken a liking to him.
At least I could understand why he’d been so uncomfortable when I first met him.
Blah. Spencer.
I was very, very annoyed, to put it lightly.
He tells me ‘make it better,’ and then spies on us? Christ, does he have some goddamn ulterior motive or whatever? Hang on, I don’t even know what that means...it’s not like I’d do the same to him - well, I would, but that’s not the point!
I made a frustrated noise in the back of my and Ryan whipped his head around, laughing nervously at me.
I think I looked...irritated, to say the least.
I still wasn’t all that at ease around him, despite or maybe even because of what had happened, and I sensed that he wasn’t either.
Even so, what I felt for him was unlike anything I’d felt before, and it wasn’t something I could just ignore and push to the back of my mind.
Sighing, I brushed my fingers gently against his cheek, murmuring, “We should probably go down now...”
Ryan snorted. “What do they think we’re doing, having sex?”
I blushed furiously, and so did he. I don’t think he meant for that to slip out...
“Um, yeah, we probably should though,” I muttered.
God, they were frickin’ watching us...I wonder how much they actually saw...?
“Alright,” he sighed, entwining his fingers with mine and dragging me up and out of the room. I just wanted to kiss him once more but refrained from doing so. It was hard, I admit.
When we reached the living room, where Spencer and Jon would undoubtedly be, he squeezed my hand quickly before dropping it, walking through and jumping on Spencer who was sitting on the couch.
Him too then...
I understood. If he was anything like me, he wasn’t ready to be seen like this.
If I was...gay (and I was after all still confused as hell about what had occurred during the last month and in Spencer’s bedroom), I didn’t want the world to know just yet.
Since moving here, my life had taken a drastic turn.
All the events that revolved around me were so different and just...confusing.
I couldn’t think of a better word for it, but that’s what my life had become.
There was me, who hadn’t even had to think about my sexuality before, I was just the kid who had been cared for and loved, but not in that way, and was now having to rethink their...preference, and then there was Ryan, the boy who’d had only one friend, the one who rejected everyone who approached him.
Everyone except me.
Jeez, I am messed up. Okay, I am not going to think about this any more...
I moved into the room and sat on the floor in front of the three on the couch, narrowing my eyes at them. Jon narrowed his eyes back and I grinned.
“RED BULL!” I screamed, just for something to say. I felt my old hyper-stupidness returning steadily, and it felt good. Ryan and Jon both jumped.
“Don’t have any,” replied Spencer absent-mindedly, examining the inside of his wrist.
I scanned the room, searching for something to hit him with.
Spencer yelled as I brought the coffee table book down on his head and he chased me up the stairs into his room; the others were close behind, breathless with laughter.
I lay on my back on the floor and smirked at him.
Not the wisest thing to say when Brendon Urie is in your house, Spencer...
haha lamo chapter sorry if it's a bit of a let down, and btw I'll be back at school soon, so posting will be less frequent >_<