Easy Way
I do have a fondness for the Easy Way, most of the time. I think most of us do. There are definitely times the Easy Way is not the Smart Way or the Advisable Way, however, and one of those is pretty much all of parenting. Or most of it.
I can see why a lot of parents find it easier and preferable to just be their kids' best friend. You don't have to say no or discipline or teach those tough life lessons that make you, the parent, feel like an ogre.
Ethan is ridiculously advanced, language-wise, and sometimes in his logical thinking/abstract thinking. Today, he had a mint he was sucking and it flew out of his mouth (you know how that sometimes just randomly happens, and you're like, "SHIT! MY MINT!" especially if it was your only one?), and he cried, asking for help to find his "treat." I told him I was driving, so sorry, if he couldn't find it, it was gone. More tears.
We got to the sports center for our first multi-sport fun class today and he was doing the potty-dance a couple minutes after the class started, while we were still all in free-play. So we ran off to the bathroom and after assuring him I wouldn't flush the toilet until he had a chance to run far, far away, I pulled down his drawers for him and the second the cold air hit his little penis, pee was everywhere - all over my hand, on the floor, on his shoes, on his pants...everywhere. I didn't have a change of clothes, but it really wasn't that bad, so I cleaned up the best I could, went pee myself and we washed our hands. After class, he apologized for doing that. It was sad, kind of, how he was embarrassed. But good for our potty training, which is not going awesomely.
At the end of class, he got stamps on the back of his hand - a frisbee, a football and a tennis racket. He loved them. He also got them stamped on his coloring sheet he got to take home with him. When he started to do the pee dance again at Trader Joe's, I took him into the bathroom, and the same thing happened again; the second the cold air hit him, he was peeing. I caught it with his diaper. Then I said we had to do another post-pee handwashing...and that ended up washing off his stamps. He started crying again, "I'm losing everything! First my mint, now my stamps..." (can you see how/why I forget he is three? He seriously talks like a five year old). It broke my heart, but I said, "oh no, you're not losing everything. They were going to wash off anyway; we had a fun time getting them..." etc. Not that that's what he wanted to hear. Or maybe it wasn't even the right thing to say. I did say something along the lines of, "those were some really disappointing things that happened today, weren't they?" too, so I wasn't COMPLETELY all, "those stamps are in a better place now".
We got home and didn't eat out today, like we have the last couple weeks I've been with him for class on Monday mornings, and I made him lunch. Then I made my own. He kept taking bites and lying on the carpet in the dining room, watching me make my lunch. I kept telling him to go back to his seat if he was going to eat, or else he could wait until I could join him. He didn't listen, so the next time I saw him lolling on the floor, chewing, I sternly said, "Ethan! Sit in your seat." He started bawling again, saying I screamed at him and scared him and he didn't like it and just wanted to get going to day care now. It made me feel like crap.
I hugged him and told him there are rules here and everywhere, even for me. I asked him if he was ever "scared" at day care and he said yes, he gets "screamed at" there, too (his definition of screaming, not most adults' definition). He told me the reasons he gets "screamed at" and they were all common-sense reasons, to help manage the chaos that taking care of 5-8 kids ages birth to five can cause. I don't blame the day care provider one bit. I explained that rules like that are for everyone's safety, as I hugged and rocked him, and even turned it back on myself, saying that if I don't follow the rules at work, even *I* can get "screamed at." He kind of took it in. But then he told me we really didn't have fun together today. Heart break again.
UGH. If I always let him do everything he wanted, he would always like me and be happy with me, no? Maybe. Maybe not. I know kids like routine and structure and that DOES seem to work well with my two. I try to gently discipline and have never yet once spanked or hit as a punishment. It just sucks when your kid tells you they don't like you or you are crap. I know this is the first time of a lifetime of it...or at least until they have their own kids and appreciate in some way what I did for them...but it sucks.
My mom always tells me that she and other moms in her generation compete about who was really the "worst mom in the world," because she's pretty sure she wins the title, based on how many times she was told she was. ;P
I can see why a lot of parents find it easier and preferable to just be their kids' best friend. You don't have to say no or discipline or teach those tough life lessons that make you, the parent, feel like an ogre.
Ethan is ridiculously advanced, language-wise, and sometimes in his logical thinking/abstract thinking. Today, he had a mint he was sucking and it flew out of his mouth (you know how that sometimes just randomly happens, and you're like, "SHIT! MY MINT!" especially if it was your only one?), and he cried, asking for help to find his "treat." I told him I was driving, so sorry, if he couldn't find it, it was gone. More tears.
We got to the sports center for our first multi-sport fun class today and he was doing the potty-dance a couple minutes after the class started, while we were still all in free-play. So we ran off to the bathroom and after assuring him I wouldn't flush the toilet until he had a chance to run far, far away, I pulled down his drawers for him and the second the cold air hit his little penis, pee was everywhere - all over my hand, on the floor, on his shoes, on his pants...everywhere. I didn't have a change of clothes, but it really wasn't that bad, so I cleaned up the best I could, went pee myself and we washed our hands. After class, he apologized for doing that. It was sad, kind of, how he was embarrassed. But good for our potty training, which is not going awesomely.
At the end of class, he got stamps on the back of his hand - a frisbee, a football and a tennis racket. He loved them. He also got them stamped on his coloring sheet he got to take home with him. When he started to do the pee dance again at Trader Joe's, I took him into the bathroom, and the same thing happened again; the second the cold air hit him, he was peeing. I caught it with his diaper. Then I said we had to do another post-pee handwashing...and that ended up washing off his stamps. He started crying again, "I'm losing everything! First my mint, now my stamps..." (can you see how/why I forget he is three? He seriously talks like a five year old). It broke my heart, but I said, "oh no, you're not losing everything. They were going to wash off anyway; we had a fun time getting them..." etc. Not that that's what he wanted to hear. Or maybe it wasn't even the right thing to say. I did say something along the lines of, "those were some really disappointing things that happened today, weren't they?" too, so I wasn't COMPLETELY all, "those stamps are in a better place now".
We got home and didn't eat out today, like we have the last couple weeks I've been with him for class on Monday mornings, and I made him lunch. Then I made my own. He kept taking bites and lying on the carpet in the dining room, watching me make my lunch. I kept telling him to go back to his seat if he was going to eat, or else he could wait until I could join him. He didn't listen, so the next time I saw him lolling on the floor, chewing, I sternly said, "Ethan! Sit in your seat." He started bawling again, saying I screamed at him and scared him and he didn't like it and just wanted to get going to day care now. It made me feel like crap.
I hugged him and told him there are rules here and everywhere, even for me. I asked him if he was ever "scared" at day care and he said yes, he gets "screamed at" there, too (his definition of screaming, not most adults' definition). He told me the reasons he gets "screamed at" and they were all common-sense reasons, to help manage the chaos that taking care of 5-8 kids ages birth to five can cause. I don't blame the day care provider one bit. I explained that rules like that are for everyone's safety, as I hugged and rocked him, and even turned it back on myself, saying that if I don't follow the rules at work, even *I* can get "screamed at." He kind of took it in. But then he told me we really didn't have fun together today. Heart break again.
UGH. If I always let him do everything he wanted, he would always like me and be happy with me, no? Maybe. Maybe not. I know kids like routine and structure and that DOES seem to work well with my two. I try to gently discipline and have never yet once spanked or hit as a punishment. It just sucks when your kid tells you they don't like you or you are crap. I know this is the first time of a lifetime of it...or at least until they have their own kids and appreciate in some way what I did for them...but it sucks.
My mom always tells me that she and other moms in her generation compete about who was really the "worst mom in the world," because she's pretty sure she wins the title, based on how many times she was told she was. ;P