to fanfiction.net: a lament

[vikki]

Oh, Fanfiction dot net,
the home of many a fic I have wot read and written:

I hate you.

For ten years I have haunted your archives;
Not fondly do I recall your NC-17 ban.
Do you remember in 2002, when
You disappeared for three months?
I do.
And still I came back.

With every new fandom I knock on your doors,
Seeking easy access to new stories.
Secreted away between the
'I cant rite summuries plz r&r'
and
'Legolas meets [my self-insert character]!'
and
'FIRST FIC NO FLAMES'
I have discovered treasure.

But you are a cruel mistress.
For ten years I have endured your ever-changing rules,
Your hilarious misappropriation of .doc files,
your interesting interpretation of .txt,
Your bizarre recreation of strikethrough in .htm ...
Your 'document manager', and
Your ratings system.

But now, you take from me.

You have taken my line breaks,
You have taken my percentage signs,
You have taken my brackets,
You have taken my dashes, and
Most heinous of all!
You have taken my double punctuation.

My love has waxed and waned, but now:
Fanfiction dot net,
Not so fondly known as 'Pit of Voles':
I'm not sure I can forgive you.

I am sorry,
Your faithful follower,
Vikki