what the fuckity fuck fuck? or, how i am slowly losing my grip
Sweet Jesus, what a week.
Haven't talked about the shit doctor's appointment I had before getting the 'no' on the job. Let's just say I need to find another place to go, because, well, I just do.
Tuesday and Wednesday was all opening and training (which I'm technically not supposed to do anymore, but they were in a jam so I said 'sure,' because I'm am that much of a sucker, apparently).
Thursday was a later start, but your standard 8 hours. And then I agreed to head up to the new store (opened Wednesday and apparently had their asses handed to them) with 4 other people. They asked, and we agreed, to 4.30 to 9, so we left our store at 3.30 and got there at 4.45. The store was lousy with associates, everywhere you turned was someone doing something else (or, more likely, standing still), the corporate types were miffed we all came together (we're an hour away, how could we all afford to pay for gas up there and back for 4.5 hours of work?), peeved we weren't closing (disregarding that we were that day and the next day's early crew and if they wanted our night folks they could've had that useless bunch of slackers) and whispered 'thanks' to the backs of our heads as we escaped at 9.33, precisely. The funny thing is, when we talked to our managers today about it, they were all offended on our behalves, which was kind of cool.
Today. Today was my shit 11.30 start. But I was feeling pretty optimistic. I got a solid 7 hours uninterrupted without benadryl or any other 'cheat' and feeling fairly awake. A few hours getting started, read a little, even got to talk to mom. I had a bit of a headache and felt a little shaky (which got worse as I started to have to count money and make drinks and such), but nothing worse than any other day. So tell me why I was having a completely emotionless conversation with someone and just started crying? It happened two or three more times and then I took a fairly normal, no worries, spill and the waterworks wouldn't stop. WTF? By this time I actually was emotional. Why couldn't I stop crying? It was a purely physical reaction, a bit like when slicing onions, but I still look like I'm having a shit day, tears running down my face and my skin all blotchy and red. So it was a Panera First. I went home at 3.30 instead of my scheduled 5. Not because we weren't busy (I mean, we weren't, because it's a school day and we never are at that time, but there were only 2 cashiers, so they had to get someone to come in early to cover), but because I wasn't going to make it. Which is another thing for me to be emotional about.
So, either I'm more sleep-deprived than I thought, or my meds are more off than I thought, or there's actually something wrong. And at the moment, I'm really just too effing tired to care which of the three it is.
Haven't talked about the shit doctor's appointment I had before getting the 'no' on the job. Let's just say I need to find another place to go, because, well, I just do.
Tuesday and Wednesday was all opening and training (which I'm technically not supposed to do anymore, but they were in a jam so I said 'sure,' because I'm am that much of a sucker, apparently).
Thursday was a later start, but your standard 8 hours. And then I agreed to head up to the new store (opened Wednesday and apparently had their asses handed to them) with 4 other people. They asked, and we agreed, to 4.30 to 9, so we left our store at 3.30 and got there at 4.45. The store was lousy with associates, everywhere you turned was someone doing something else (or, more likely, standing still), the corporate types were miffed we all came together (we're an hour away, how could we all afford to pay for gas up there and back for 4.5 hours of work?), peeved we weren't closing (disregarding that we were that day and the next day's early crew and if they wanted our night folks they could've had that useless bunch of slackers) and whispered 'thanks' to the backs of our heads as we escaped at 9.33, precisely. The funny thing is, when we talked to our managers today about it, they were all offended on our behalves, which was kind of cool.
Today. Today was my shit 11.30 start. But I was feeling pretty optimistic. I got a solid 7 hours uninterrupted without benadryl or any other 'cheat' and feeling fairly awake. A few hours getting started, read a little, even got to talk to mom. I had a bit of a headache and felt a little shaky (which got worse as I started to have to count money and make drinks and such), but nothing worse than any other day. So tell me why I was having a completely emotionless conversation with someone and just started crying? It happened two or three more times and then I took a fairly normal, no worries, spill and the waterworks wouldn't stop. WTF? By this time I actually was emotional. Why couldn't I stop crying? It was a purely physical reaction, a bit like when slicing onions, but I still look like I'm having a shit day, tears running down my face and my skin all blotchy and red. So it was a Panera First. I went home at 3.30 instead of my scheduled 5. Not because we weren't busy (I mean, we weren't, because it's a school day and we never are at that time, but there were only 2 cashiers, so they had to get someone to come in early to cover), but because I wasn't going to make it. Which is another thing for me to be emotional about.
So, either I'm more sleep-deprived than I thought, or my meds are more off than I thought, or there's actually something wrong. And at the moment, I'm really just too effing tired to care which of the three it is.