Very funny!!
> What your nurse is really thinking:
>
> 1. Don't tell me you have abdominal pain as you eat doritos in my
>triage booth.
>
> 2. If you come to the ER by ambulance, the first thing I will ask
>you is how you are getting home. No, we don't have people on staff to drive
>you
> home, and don't tell me you don't want to "bother" one of your
>family members at this hour. You had no problem bothering 911 for the back
>pain
> you've had for 3 months.
>
> 3. You don't get to pick your own IV site. This will irritate me
>and I will probably miss your IV on
> purpose and start your site in the place I wanted to initially to
>prove a point
>
> 4. "Butterfly" is not an IV size, this word signals me to put in a
>larger bore needle.
>
> 5. Nausea is not a reason to come to the ER. If you are not in
>severe pain, are not vomiting or pooping
> your pants in front of me, your butt goes back to the waiting
>room.
>
> 6. How can you have the worst migraine of your life, but be able
>to yell at me about the wait after you just put down a magazine you were
>reading?
>
> 7. Don't ever say things like, "I usually get 4 mg of Dilaudid".
>Requesting your med and dosage will prompt me to squirt out half of the med
>before I inject, then I lie about the dose.
>
> 8. If you are allergic to Tylenol, Toradol, and Motrin, I have
>already assumed you are a drug seeker.
>
> 9. If you came to the ER having a family doctor appointment that
>same day, I will make sure you are still in the department well past the
>time of
> your original appointment.
>
> 10. I don't care if you are neighbors with the GI specialist.
>Unless he drove you to the ER himself, you can't be that friendly.
>
> 11. Just because, "my doctor sent me here", does not mean you get
>right back to a treatment room. This tells me you are a pain in the ass,
>and
> he's pawning you off.
>
> 12. The louder you moan/whine, the bigger size IV needle you get.
>
> 13. Foley catheters cure pseudo-seizures. They also cure
>intoxicated persons.
>
> 14. If you are on more than 2 medicines at home, bring a list.
>Don't say, "you know, the little white pill". I am not a pharmacist.
>
> 15. RN is not synonymous with waiter/waitress.
>
> 16. Don't bitch about missing breakfast when I'm on the ninth hour
>of my shift and haven't peed yet.
>
> 17. What gives you the right to complain about your sore throat
>for a week while I have diarrhea from the antibiotics I've been taking for
>pneumonia?
>
> 18. Broken toes are not an emergency. We'll make you feel stupid
>by putting a little piece of tape down there and kicking you out.
>
> 19. I am currently inventing a trapdoor system in triage to be
>triggered when you say the word "toothache".
>
> 20. Cover you mouth when you cough/belch. This is just common
>courtesy. When you neglect to do this, I am tempted to bust butt in your
>room, then
> close the door.
>
> 21. If you tell me you have fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue
>syndrome, know that I'm rolling my eyes and thinking you're a loser.
>
> 22. If you list Haldol, geodon, Xanax, and trazadone as allergies,
>don't tell me you have no psych history.
>
> 23. Never sign in with chest pain because you were too embarrassed
>to write "penile sores" or "foul smelling discharge". This will piss me off
> that I bumped you ahead of other people and I'll make your visit
>horrific.
>
> 24. Although you've been in the ER four times this week, you
>cannot list the ER doc as your family physician.
>
> 25. Do not talk to me while I'm trying to listen to your lungs.
>
> 26. Don't tell me you have no money for medicine while you have a
>carton of cigarettes in your purse (next to your cell phone), and each of
>your
> seven children are playing their own PSP's.
>
> 27. Gravida 7 at age 22 means you are a slut.