Halrloprillalar's fanfiction Drabble-Matic
This tool can generate the fanfic for you, only need to substitute in your own data and characters and you've got an instantly hilarious tale!
Go here if you want to try it out yourself!
I had a lot of fun trying it out with the same keywords, read the StarWars masterpieces for yourself!
***
Regretfully Tripping
Maul tripped along hatefully. He was on his way to meet his lover, Qui-Gon, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a bantha hopping along, carrying a glove in its mouth.
Maul was almost in trouble when he came across a raging cake, lying alone on a poisonous plate. "That must be a treat from my lovable bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked deadly, so he ate it.
It gave him the most exciting tingling sensation in his midsection. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Qui-Gon.
When Qui-Gon came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Maul cried haltingly.
"Your horn! And your throat!" Qui-Gon said. "They're sharp! Can't you feel it?"
Maul felt his horn and his throat. They were indeed quite sharp. "Oh, no!" Maul said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that raging cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Qui-Gon said. "I got you a lightsaber. It must have been that dark man who lives nearby. He acts a little warningly, ever since he thrusted a robe."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Maul sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Qui-Gon said ominously, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your horn is really glowing like that."
"Really?" Maul dried her tears. Maul kissed Qui-Gon and it was an entirely thorny sensation, like a dark cloud that hangs over the heads of those who dare to defy the Sith.
They spent the night having entirely thorny sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
***
Maul and Qui-Gon
by William Shakespeare
Enter Maul
Qui-Gon appears above at a window
Maul:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the glove, and Qui-Gon is the womprat.
Arise, spiteful womprat, and trust the passionate lightsaber.
See, how he leans his throat upon his horn!
O, that I were a glove upon that horn,
That I might touch that throat!
Qui-Gon:
O Maul, Maul! wherefore art thou Maul?
What's in a name? That which we call a midsection
By any other name would smell as exciting
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say
"like a dark cloud that hangs over the heads of those who dare to defy the Sith"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove remarkable.
Maul:
Swain, by yonder passionate lightsaber I swear
That tips at the end of his patience the dark robe--
Qui-Gon:
O, swear not by the lightsaber, the lovable lightsaber,
That unexpectedly changes in its sharp orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise sharp.
Sweet, poisonous night! A thousand times poisonous night!
Parting is such deadly sorrow,
That I shall say poisonous night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Maul:
Sleep dwell upon thy throat, peace in thy horn!
Would I were sleep and peace, so ominously to rest!
hatefully will I to my spiteful midsection's cell,
Its help to trust, and my exciting midsection to tell.
***
The Deadly Stranger
The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Maul strode along the path, making for Spiteful Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Dark Lightsaber, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Horn.
A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his exciting glove just in time to face the passionate man who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.
The man struck unexpectedly, and Maul barely raised his glove to meet the attack. They fought long and ominously until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.
At last, Maul found himself forced to one knee, the man's glove pressed to his poisonous midsection. "I am Qui-Gon of Spiteful Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Dark Lightsaber. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you at the end of his patience."
But Maul had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his glove with a twist, overpowered Qui-Gon and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Maul said, looking down upon him.
Qui-Gon's throat shimmered like a dark cloud that hangs over the heads of those who dare to defy the Sith. "I have underestimated you, Maul. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."
Maul's desire was enflamed. His midsection throbbed and all his thoughts were to trust Qui-Gon like a womprat. Maul caressed Qui-Gon's lovable throat and he responded. They came together hatefully, and their joining was as remarkable as their battle, and also much louder.
"Ah, my sweet robe!" Maul groaned and trusted Qui-Gon as warningly as he could.
"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"
"Oh," Maul said. "That's where I put the Dark Lightsaber for safekeeping. Sorry."
When they had finished their romp, they drowsed haltingly on the grass, forgetful of all but their sharp love. "We will stay together forever," Qui-Gon said, and they began all over again.
And so it was that the Wizard Horn never got the Dark Lightsaber and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.
***
Sharp Lang Syne
Maul sipped haltingly at his drink and stood sharp behind a lightsaber. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel passionate and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how lovable his horn got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Maul knew very well why he was at the party: to see Qui-Gon.
Ah, Qui-Gon. Just the thought of him, the chance of a glimpse of his remarkable throat made Maul's heart beat like a dark cloud that hangs over the heads of those who dare to defy the Sith.
But tonight everyone was masked. Maul peered ominously through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Qui-Gon. There, he thought, the man over by the glove, the exciting one with the womprat mask. It had to be Qui-Gon. No one else could look so poisonous, even in a womprat mask.
He began to walk Maul's way and Maul started to panic. What if he actually talked to Maul?
Qui-Gon came right up to Maul and Maul thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Qui-Gon said warningly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the robe," Maul said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so dark.
Just then, a spiteful voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Maul's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Qui-Gon might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Qui-Gon swept Maul into his arms, bent him at the end of his patience, and kissed Maul hatefully, slipping him the tongue and groping his midsection.
Maul could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out unexpectedly and pulled Qui-Gon's mask off his face. It was Qui-Gon! "I knew it was you," Maul said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Qui-Gon said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Maul watched him go. He would be right back, Maul was sure. Just as soon as he had his punch.
And then they would fall in love.
***
I Saw Qui-Gon Kissing Santa Claus
Maul woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one deadly box that looked like a lightsaber.
Then Maul noticed that Qui-Gon was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.
Maul thought that he would surprise Qui-Gon. Maybe even sneak up behind him and thrust him on his poisonous horn. That always made Qui-Gon sharp.
Maul crept hatefully down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its remarkable lights, and the presents, heaped up warningly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Qui-Gon. Kissing someone.
Maul was so angry, he picked up a robe from a table and threw it unexpectedly at the end of his patience.
They both looked around.
"Qui-Gon, you spiteful womprat!" Maul yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Maul looked and then rubbed his midsection and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Qui-Gon said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a passionate kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Maul said ominously. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be dark."
That seemed reasonable. Maul went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like a dark cloud that hangs over the heads of those who dare to defy the Sith. He made Maul's throat feel all lovable.
"You see?" Qui-Gon said haltingly and Maul saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.
Go here if you want to try it out yourself!
I had a lot of fun trying it out with the same keywords, read the StarWars masterpieces for yourself!
***
Regretfully Tripping
Maul tripped along hatefully. He was on his way to meet his lover, Qui-Gon, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a bantha hopping along, carrying a glove in its mouth.
Maul was almost in trouble when he came across a raging cake, lying alone on a poisonous plate. "That must be a treat from my lovable bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked deadly, so he ate it.
It gave him the most exciting tingling sensation in his midsection. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Qui-Gon.
When Qui-Gon came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Maul cried haltingly.
"Your horn! And your throat!" Qui-Gon said. "They're sharp! Can't you feel it?"
Maul felt his horn and his throat. They were indeed quite sharp. "Oh, no!" Maul said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that raging cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Qui-Gon said. "I got you a lightsaber. It must have been that dark man who lives nearby. He acts a little warningly, ever since he thrusted a robe."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Maul sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Qui-Gon said ominously, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your horn is really glowing like that."
"Really?" Maul dried her tears. Maul kissed Qui-Gon and it was an entirely thorny sensation, like a dark cloud that hangs over the heads of those who dare to defy the Sith.
They spent the night having entirely thorny sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
***
Maul and Qui-Gon
by William Shakespeare
Enter Maul
Qui-Gon appears above at a window
Maul:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the glove, and Qui-Gon is the womprat.
Arise, spiteful womprat, and trust the passionate lightsaber.
See, how he leans his throat upon his horn!
O, that I were a glove upon that horn,
That I might touch that throat!
Qui-Gon:
O Maul, Maul! wherefore art thou Maul?
What's in a name? That which we call a midsection
By any other name would smell as exciting
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say
"like a dark cloud that hangs over the heads of those who dare to defy the Sith"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove remarkable.
Maul:
Swain, by yonder passionate lightsaber I swear
That tips at the end of his patience the dark robe--
Qui-Gon:
O, swear not by the lightsaber, the lovable lightsaber,
That unexpectedly changes in its sharp orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise sharp.
Sweet, poisonous night! A thousand times poisonous night!
Parting is such deadly sorrow,
That I shall say poisonous night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Maul:
Sleep dwell upon thy throat, peace in thy horn!
Would I were sleep and peace, so ominously to rest!
hatefully will I to my spiteful midsection's cell,
Its help to trust, and my exciting midsection to tell.
***
The Deadly Stranger
The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Maul strode along the path, making for Spiteful Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Dark Lightsaber, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Horn.
A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his exciting glove just in time to face the passionate man who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.
The man struck unexpectedly, and Maul barely raised his glove to meet the attack. They fought long and ominously until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.
At last, Maul found himself forced to one knee, the man's glove pressed to his poisonous midsection. "I am Qui-Gon of Spiteful Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Dark Lightsaber. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you at the end of his patience."
But Maul had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his glove with a twist, overpowered Qui-Gon and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Maul said, looking down upon him.
Qui-Gon's throat shimmered like a dark cloud that hangs over the heads of those who dare to defy the Sith. "I have underestimated you, Maul. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."
Maul's desire was enflamed. His midsection throbbed and all his thoughts were to trust Qui-Gon like a womprat. Maul caressed Qui-Gon's lovable throat and he responded. They came together hatefully, and their joining was as remarkable as their battle, and also much louder.
"Ah, my sweet robe!" Maul groaned and trusted Qui-Gon as warningly as he could.
"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"
"Oh," Maul said. "That's where I put the Dark Lightsaber for safekeeping. Sorry."
When they had finished their romp, they drowsed haltingly on the grass, forgetful of all but their sharp love. "We will stay together forever," Qui-Gon said, and they began all over again.
And so it was that the Wizard Horn never got the Dark Lightsaber and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.
***
Sharp Lang Syne
Maul sipped haltingly at his drink and stood sharp behind a lightsaber. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel passionate and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how lovable his horn got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Maul knew very well why he was at the party: to see Qui-Gon.
Ah, Qui-Gon. Just the thought of him, the chance of a glimpse of his remarkable throat made Maul's heart beat like a dark cloud that hangs over the heads of those who dare to defy the Sith.
But tonight everyone was masked. Maul peered ominously through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Qui-Gon. There, he thought, the man over by the glove, the exciting one with the womprat mask. It had to be Qui-Gon. No one else could look so poisonous, even in a womprat mask.
He began to walk Maul's way and Maul started to panic. What if he actually talked to Maul?
Qui-Gon came right up to Maul and Maul thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Qui-Gon said warningly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the robe," Maul said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so dark.
Just then, a spiteful voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Maul's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Qui-Gon might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Qui-Gon swept Maul into his arms, bent him at the end of his patience, and kissed Maul hatefully, slipping him the tongue and groping his midsection.
Maul could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out unexpectedly and pulled Qui-Gon's mask off his face. It was Qui-Gon! "I knew it was you," Maul said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Qui-Gon said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Maul watched him go. He would be right back, Maul was sure. Just as soon as he had his punch.
And then they would fall in love.
***
I Saw Qui-Gon Kissing Santa Claus
Maul woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one deadly box that looked like a lightsaber.
Then Maul noticed that Qui-Gon was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.
Maul thought that he would surprise Qui-Gon. Maybe even sneak up behind him and thrust him on his poisonous horn. That always made Qui-Gon sharp.
Maul crept hatefully down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its remarkable lights, and the presents, heaped up warningly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Qui-Gon. Kissing someone.
Maul was so angry, he picked up a robe from a table and threw it unexpectedly at the end of his patience.
They both looked around.
"Qui-Gon, you spiteful womprat!" Maul yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Maul looked and then rubbed his midsection and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Qui-Gon said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a passionate kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Maul said ominously. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be dark."
That seemed reasonable. Maul went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like a dark cloud that hangs over the heads of those who dare to defy the Sith. He made Maul's throat feel all lovable.
"You see?" Qui-Gon said haltingly and Maul saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.