Unscripted ; HoSu
roselit @
papersideangst, romance
PG-13 ; 1831w.
Junsu's always been uncertain, unclear about Yunho, so when things start to change, he feels less than prepared.
A/N: For
milena_1980,
lokitic, and
azurehook, because they peer pressured me, lolol. ♥♥ First time writing HoSu.
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Junsu knows Yunho is a man of his words, speaks from his mind when he wants to, when it’s needed. The older man is the leader for a reason; he knows what to do, when and how, and Junsu admits he’s always found himself admiring from afar.
It’s a strange sort of admiration. When they first met, they were far from debuting, far from knowing where they’d end up in a few years. For the first few days, everything is odd smiles and awkward moments in the company cafeteria, and weeks later would find them still in the same limbo of acquaintances-not-quite-friends.
Only when they’re notified of working together and forced to dance in the same room, live in the same apartment, do they progress any further. Junsu didn’t think it was progressing so much as small pushes, nudges that somehow grew bigger with every encounter. It was ironic, the way things were; Junsu would watch as, one by one, the other three members joined, and Yunho just clicked so easily with them all.
Junsu wishes he could explain it, but when he sees the grin and laughter Yunho directs to Changmin, when he sees Yunho envelop a crumbling Yoochun into his arms like second nature, and when he catches Yunho leaning close to whisper into Jaejoong’s ear and the way a smile would light up the eldest’s face-everything reminds him that he’s still admiring from afar.
It isn’t jealousy, no, Junsu thinks; he loves the others like brothers, like comrades, and they only grow closer amongst themselves with each passing day.
But when Junsu’s thoughts wander to Yunho, it’s different, and he wonders if admiration is supposed to last as long as it has. He’s convinced that there has to be an ending, because he’s tired of admiring, tired of noticing the differences.
Junsu doesn’t expect it; more than three years have passed since debut, and even after the flashing lights and microphones are put away, the wall is still there, still intact.
So when it’s nearly three in the morning and the apartment is blanketed in sleep, Junsu has little reason to expect anything, even when he slips out of his room and towards the kitchen for water; except he doesn’t reach his destination and makes a detour instead, joining a solitary leader on the living room couch, tears on a face that had always been so strong and unfazed.
At first, Junsu isn’t sure what to do; he’s never seen Yunho like this, so exposed, vulnerable in front of him. This isn’t like him, this isn’t Yunho, but it is, and Junsu suddenly finds himself at a crossroads with no idea where to turn.
Yunho makes the turn for him, though, and reaches out to pull the younger man into an embrace. Junsu can’t seem to quell the distraught feeling, but he wraps his arms around Yunho all the same, warms into the hug like a newfound remedy for an ailment he didn’t know he had.
They remain that way for a while, silent and discovering comfort in each other’s arms. For the first time, there’s no awkwardness, no uncertainty or hesitation; they’re just there, existing like this, and Junsu isn’t sure whether the warmth in his chest is from this revelation or from something else entirely.
He doesn’t think to question it until Yunho suddenly speaks, muffled words that disappear into Junsu’s hair, but he hears him unmistakably.
“I need this… Junsu, I really need you.”
Junsu feels his heart skip a beat; it’s an elated feeling, a burst of happiness that overflows, and he can’t help the way his lips curve upward.
“I need you, too, hyung.”
He closes his eyes and holds Yunho tighter, smiling despite the worry that edges into his mind, despite the fear that maybe he’s the only one who means the words he’s said.
This isn’t supposed to happen, Junsu thinks.
No, lots of things aren’t supposed to happen, but they do; and when Yunho has him pinned to the bathroom door, bodies flush against one another in heated want, Junsu thinks this is one of those things.
But he can do little to protest, especially when all Junsu tastes is apple mint and a dash of something sweet, something he can’t place, but it’s all distinctly of Yunho. He wants to say it’s everything he’s expected, but even as the older man curls his tongue against his, Junsu admits inwardly that he’s never considered this, never imagined they’d get here, wherever this is.
Yunho presses against Junsu hard, extracting a soft moan and a gasp of breath from the latter, and slides his hands over Junsu’s wrists, where he has the younger man pinned to the door. The leader breaks the kiss and leans down, nips at the crook of Junsu’s neck, fingers abandoning their hold on thin wrists to skim over Junsu’s side before settling on his hips.
Junsu pants for breath and leans back against the door, hands free to roam along Yunho’s arms, moving up to his shoulders and pulling him infinitesimally closer, until-
Junsu’s eyes snap open, and he suddenly pushes at Yunho, puts his strength into the palms of his hands; the leader detaches with reluctance and stumbles backward a few steps, confusion blatant on his face as he stares at the other man.
“Hyung,” Junsu manages in a shaky whisper, eyes bright and unsure and scared all at once, “why?”
Yunho opens his mouth to say something, only to realize he can’t find the words. He looks at Junsu and tries to ignore the feeling of loss, suddenly so obvious; instead, he swallows dryly, manages to say the only thing he’s capable of.
“Yunho,” he states, in a voice that sounds strange to his own ears, “call me Yunho, not ‘hyung.’”
Junsu gives the older man a bewildered look; he doesn’t understand, doesn’t know why his heart’s pounding on high, why he can’t seem to keep his mind off the heated feeling lingering in his lips. Junsu thinks he can’t take it anymore; the desire, the sudden addiction, the jumble of feelings, it’s all too much. He doesn’t say anything and turns, opening the door and slipping out without a second glance back.
Yunho watches the younger man leave, and when the door clicks shut softly, he slumps visibly, slowly, and closes his eyes. The warmth, Junsu’s warmth, he still feels it; no longer a dream, no longer imagination, he’s had a taste of it, all too fleetingly.
When he opens his eyes again, the empty bathroom greets him, and the feeling of loss hits him once more. He turns on the faucet and splashes his face, glancing in the mirror as water droplets glide down nose, his cheeks.
Is this what stupidity looks like?
He wonders if it’s possible to lose something he’s not even sure he’s had before.
For an entire week afterwards, things become awkward again. Junsu makes a point of avoiding Yunho whenever possible, and when the group goes in for a television interview, he doesn’t look at the leader once.
Junsu thinks the other members don’t notice, but before he can properly breathe a sigh of relief, Jaejoong confronts him in the bathroom at the end of the week while Junsu’s brushing his teeth for bed.
“Did something happen between you and Yunho?”
Junsu meets Jaejoong’s questioning look in the mirror, continues brushing for a few seconds longer before spitting into the sink.
“No, nothing at all. Why?”
Jaejoong can see through the lie, but he doesn’t prod further and leaves the bathroom with a shrug and a nonchalant, “I don’t know, it just seems like it.” Junsu watches Jaejoong disappear out the door, and he stays in the bathroom for a moment longer, breathing a sigh as he stares at his reflection.
When he finally steps out of the bathroom, the apartment is quiet and bedroom doors are closed with the lights off. Junsu turns toward his own room, intent on passing out quickly, when he suddenly bumps into something-someone-and he jumps, starts to yelp in surprise, but a hand clamps firmly over his mouth and he finds himself pushed against the wall.
Junsu’s eyes widen when he recognizes none other than Yunho himself, and even in the dim hallway lighting, he can see the weariness in the leader’s face, as if he’s been thinking too much, stressing too much.
“Don’t say anything,” Yunho says, eyes pleading. “I just want to talk.”
Junsu nods, cautious, and when Yunho removes his hand, he realizes he’s slightly breathless and swallows thickly, waiting. The leader is still standing close, just inches from his own body, and Junsu tries desperately to ignore the resurfacing of feelings.
Yunho runs his hand through his hair, almost nervously, his next words coming out in an exasperated breath. “Why have you been avoiding me all week?”
“I…” Junsu doesn’t know how to respond, doesn’t know what he should say.
“Is it so much that you don’t want to talk to me or look at me?”
Yunho’s eyes wander over Junsu’s face, as if searching for answers, for something to hold on to. The air between them is suddenly tense, stuffy, and Junsu finds he can’t take it anymore, averting his gaze as he speaks and hoping it’s enough.
“No, it’s just… I can’t… there’s just been so much on my mind that I haven’t been able to focus on anything.”
Yunho’s expression softens, and he reaches down, takes Junsu’s hand and lifts it, places it against his chest, over his heart. Junsu brings his eyes back up to the leader’s, the same uncertainty from before returning to his face; it’s an intimate gesture, his hand against Yunho’s heart and the leader’s own fingers curling around his, and his cheeks color visibly.
“H-Hyung-”
“If I tell you what’s in here, will you tell me what’s in yours?”
Junsu just looks at him, but before he can formulate a response, Yunho continues, eyes locked on the younger man’s.
“I love you.”
He thinks he’s hearing things, thinks maybe he’s dreaming, even, and he starts to laugh, starts to say Of course you do, we all do, we love each other like-but Yunho suddenly leans in, angles his head, and presses their lips together.
It’s different this time: soft, hesitant, but firm, real, and Junsu closes his eyes, melts into the kiss with his hand over Yunho’s heart.
When the leader pulls back, Junsu remembers to breathe and looks at Yunho. His body feels warm, so inexplicably warm, and Junsu pulls Yunho’s hand towards him, places it against his own chest.
The pounding of his heart is palpable, as clear as the next words that leave Junsu’s lips.
“I… I love you, too. Yunho.”
Yunho smiles and leans in again; it’s more than physical as the barriers between them fade away, and they bloom, take flight, two hearts beating as one.
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A/N: God, I have no idea what that was, lmao. ;; 1,831 words of wtf-ery from yours truly. :'D
PS - I apologize for the lame ending. :||| My brain kind of died after 4am. ;;
Comments are appreciated, as always. ♥