Of late
Of late I have...
slept 8-11 hrs daily
not exercised (i.e. run, swim or bike) at all
been eating without any diet restrictions (e.g. cake, biscuits)
A really great friend of mine came to visit on Saturday. I cooked her lunch, hung out with her and then we decided to watch Princess Mononoke (one of Studio Ghibli's films). I was so tired that I actually fell asleep halfway (which in my entire movie watching history is as rare as a blue moon!). Tired from what? From sleeping and eating too much?? Is that even possible?? There is this huge wave of lethargy that has swallowed me this September and I hope it will go away once October begins. I posited that perhaps those previous 11 months of frenetic lifestyle has taken a lot out of me, so much so that without the presence of all those stress & commitments, I am literally suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Almost like a drug addict without his cocaine, or a tight rope suddenly gone slack. If not then I can't find any other description to explain what I am feeling right now. Where is the relief of those stress-free days?
On Sunday the weather was shockingly good - 22 degrees sunny all day, I decided to have a power nap and wake up at 3pm to go for a bike ride and imagined myself basking in the glorious sunshine - yet, YET, I couldn't will myself to get changed into my bike kit. I just couldn't. The sportive is 2 weeks away and I can't give a shit even if that would be my first bike ride in a month since Bala. The lethargy slowly taking over my mind and body like cancer spreading.
Not forgetting the fact that I am meant to be looking for a job is etched at the back of my mind, every second, every minute, every hour of everyday. I am gutted the prospect of having a job of what I really want is so so so far away, of hearing how previous graduates have spent a long time before finding something suitable, not to mention those that never made it. It made me feel worse. Then I chanced upon a video on facebook http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wait-but-why/generation-y-unhappy_b_3930620.html
Briefly, it describes how we are unhappy when reality fails to meet our expectations. I'm glad I saw that video because it all made sense. And now I'm sorted. Life is not always going to be a bed of roses (cliché but true), you are going to keep stumbling on obstacles and that is what's going to make you tougher. Like a knife being sharpened with a blunt rock. Yes I have worked exceedingly hard, and yes I probably deserve a great job to drop right out from the sky. But judging the current situation that is obviously not going to happen. Plans B, C, D need to start coming into play, whether I like it or not. Our current generation has been getting increasingly dissatisfied.. I am lucky to be even studying what I like, what more, a chance to go abroad for education. Back then people didn't even have a choice! And hopefully someday I'll look back and be able to connect the dots.
Then today in the office, I chatted with two of the PhD students who asked me how I was. I was feeling bugged by job hunting then and very much wished I was still buried in my MSc degree and juggling dissertation, training and work. But after chatting with them, I realised instead of being really moody about my current situation, I ought to appreciate the fact that I finally have some solid free time to pursue whatever I want - which I have severely neglected because of living in the Loughborough bubble. I should make use of this free time to indulge in my interests, such as cooking/baking/design & craftwork (just rekindled my passion for adobe illustrator and figuring out how to knit), reading interesting articles or the most pointless things off the internet, catching up with friends whom i've barely had time to talk to...or simply doing nothing. Because I deserve a break. And so I should enjoy the luxury of time while I can.