(no subject)
I used to have 4 big boxes full of "sentimental crap", as I labeled it. When I moved in with Steph, those 4 boxes became 3. When I moved in with Mike, those 3 boxes became 2. I did a lot of purging in between, but there were some things I just couldn't see myself losing. I used to hold onto a lot more - I had every movie ticket from every movie I ever went to. I was able to get rid of most but I couldn't throw away the one where I had my first kiss, the first movie I ever saw with so-and-so. Most of the things I had a hard time getting rid of were things directly correlated with my five years with Brendan. I had drawings that Issy and Willy made me when they were three/four years old. I had an unbelievably sweet birthday card his younger brother, Devlin, wrote me for my 21st birthday. I had every Christmas/birthday card his dad and step-mom ever wrote me. I even had some things Brendan had written me. Most of those I threw away in a fit of fury when I was living with Steph.. mainly from our first couple years together. But I was still holding onto a letter he typed up on his typewriter a couple days after we decided to end our relationship. I also had the last birthday note he ever made me. I think I held onto that one because I only received one birthday note in the five I celebrated with him.
These were all pretty much locked up in a beat up Opici Wine box in my basement, never to really see the light of day. Unfortunately, having a box like that and when I do open it (every five/six months), I tend to tear it apart, looking at everything, feeling everything, analyzing everything.. and I wanted to put all of that to rest, finally. I don't want it in my life ever again. It was an experience and it's over.
So I took every thing, every little thing, that in any way shape or form reminded me of those years with him and I threw them on the fire and I watched them burn and holy shit.. to say I felt free is an understatement. I sat there giggling to myself while all these bits and pieces curled and cracked and turned to embers then ash. I looked borderline pyro-psycho, I'm sure. But wow... what a relief. I feel brand new.
These were all pretty much locked up in a beat up Opici Wine box in my basement, never to really see the light of day. Unfortunately, having a box like that and when I do open it (every five/six months), I tend to tear it apart, looking at everything, feeling everything, analyzing everything.. and I wanted to put all of that to rest, finally. I don't want it in my life ever again. It was an experience and it's over.
So I took every thing, every little thing, that in any way shape or form reminded me of those years with him and I threw them on the fire and I watched them burn and holy shit.. to say I felt free is an understatement. I sat there giggling to myself while all these bits and pieces curled and cracked and turned to embers then ash. I looked borderline pyro-psycho, I'm sure. But wow... what a relief. I feel brand new.