Who is to say
Who gets to choose the path set forth for a child? What happens when you know the right thing, the best thing for a child, is for you to surrender to its needs? I have a cousin, she was born to the dumbest parents possible. Her dad is a moron, does drugs, drinks, and is irresponsible. Her mother is a broken screwed up unloved woman, with two or three other children born in a succession of bad decisions. Last night her mom was threating suicide, she was ranting, and raving, and someone called child services. Of her children, only the youngest is a blood relation to me. My cousin lives in squalor, her parents get high together, and if she stays in that invironment she will grow up broken, unloved, and probably an unwed. teenmother. Her future looks like shit. I feel bad for her, to be born into a life set forth for her by parents who don't know how to love her. I don't think her parents intend to damage her, but they are so damaged themselves that her prospects are dismal. The course of her life now rides on a blood test. Child services is going to drug test her father and based on that custody will be granted or denied him. My parents offered to take her. If he fails this test we probably will be awarded custody. If we gain custody my parents will make her life so much better, her future will be so much brighter. There are a couple of real issues though, the first of which is that we I have only seen her once, and my parents not more than maybe three times. Her father, my uncle, doesn't like us. Her mother, still can't figure out why he would not like us, but she doesn't get a lot of things. The second problem is that she isn't even a year and a half old yet. Can you imagine that? To be in such a bad living condition at a year and a half that people can see your future and mourn it already? My parents haven't had a baby since me, that is coming up on 20 years. They are good parents, they will give her opportunities and love she wouldn't have access to as things stand. Our lives will be turned upside down, in a heart beat. Life here at home will be completely different. For once in my life, I wont be the baby of the family, I wont be the center of the universe, and that doesn't sound all that appealing. I don't know how much of my time I would need to commit to taking care of her, I don't know what sacrifices I will need to make. I do know my life wont feel as easy, my life wont feel as charmed, but here is the thing: If i had to choose whether my 20 year old self has to take on a little more responsibility, or my baby cousin can have a shot at sucess, I choose her. I prefer she live with us. I prefer my uncle fail his blood test, because he may be clean that day, but how long will he stay that way? My grandmother might end up raising my baby cousin and that is bad news because things obviously didn't go so well when she raised my uncle. Its mean, and its disfunctional, but I hope he fails and we get her. I don't want to live with a baby, and I don't want to babyproof my whole house or give up my situation, but more than that I don't want my baby cousin's life to be errevocabley damaged. I want her to have a chance. I want her to grow up with more than three outfits. I want her to have shoes and clothes when she outgrows what she has. When she was nine months old, she hadn't had a stitch of newclothing since the babyshower the month before she was born. That corner of my family is so dark, and so hopeless, if we can pull her out now I would be all for it. I told Meaghan a little about things, and I told Ben a little about things, but the fact is, I only found out this morning. I only just now realize how I really feel. I thought I was afraid because I don't want to have a baby here. I'm afraid because I do want her here. I want good things for her, and I know that my parents and I can give her those things that my uncle, and her mother just can't. Not that this would ever happen because my uncle loaths us, but if he loved her enough, he would give up custody and let us take her. I don't like her name so in my head I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to call her. I wish people would fully consider the future their child. I wish people could see the lives they are setting their children up for. I wish I could psychologically evaluate people and then decide whether or not they should be sterilized. So, I think I've settled on Charlie, or Char.