Ice Cream in LA
Title: Ice cream in LA
Pairings/Characters: Toshiya X Shinya and mentions of Yoshiki X Shinya
Rating: PG
Warnings: Nothing is real and I own nothing.
Notes: um…I hope this makes my V-day person happy! Also it is true when Shinya was in LA he would eat a pint of ice cream every day.
Summary: Set during the making of Gauze (about 2000) Toshiya always liked Shinya, but quickly found out that his feelings would never be returned. As the nights worn on in LA Shinya seemed to get more and more depressed, and with a subtle suggestion Toshiya gets what he always dreamt of.
notes: for tosemeku forjrock_valentine
It was today I noticed it. The way Shinya looked differently at Yoshiki than he did at any of us, or anyone else I’ve ever seen for that matter. At first I didn’t think much about that look. They were both drummers after all. I’m sure if Taiji were producing us I would’ve smiled even if he sneezed on me. Yet, today as I sat at our little meeting I knew that this wasn’t a simple infatuation.
Kaoru was talking with Die about guitar or something. I don’t know. I was bored and looking around. That’s when my gaze caught up with Shinya’s, and I noticed the twinkle in his eyes as Yoshiki gave him a friendly smile. Now I really didn’t think the whole glitter and rainbow thing happened in real life, yet there it was right in front of me. Shinya had lost all focus on us and was completely absorbed in the casual conversation with Yoshiki.
I would be lying if I didn’t say it pissed me off to no end. Shinya was cute. In fact, after joining the band he was the first one I had my eye on. I would parade around hoping to get his attention, acting like an idiot so he would notice me. I once casually asked Die why Shinya was so quiet and just…disconnected from everyone. Die gave a half-assed answered that if Shinya didn’t care to talk to you he wouldn’t. He then pointed out that he cared for no one but his dog. He seemed a bit bitter. With that new found knowing, a night of drinking, and a random fuck I concluded it was for the best. He was my band mate after all, and from then I hadn’t thought much of it.
…Fine I admit it. I still lusted after him. I can never really give up that easily. I just wasn’t as open about it. Today, however, after seeing how he looked at Yoshiki I became a bit jealous because I knew what was lingering behind the drummer’s eyes.
***
“Can you do that part again but with more feeling,” Yoshiki asked, again.
I sighed, sitting back on the sofa. This recording was taking forever, and I wasn’t even sure if we’d get to my part today like Yoshiki suggested. Seeing Shinya eat up every word Yoshiki said like just made me aggravated.
“You have to make me believe you’re feeling the music here. You’ll have to do it again maybe play it a half note higher.”
Yoshiki continued using the same lines he always did, convincing us to play this note higher here or lower there. It was a mindless and sometimes frustrating cause of repeating over and over the same notes, pushing all of us harder than anyone before. I knew in the end it was best being produced by him. It would have probably taken us a decade to get to the same level if we were doing it alone. It was for the best even if it was grueling.
I let out a sigh, probably a bit more dramatic than I wished. I already gave up pretending that I was ready to jump into the recording booth at any moment, my bass having been propped up against a far wall ages ago. It probably made it worse that each time Shinya gave one of those cute little smiles to Yoshiki I curled my toes in a subtle frustration.
Suddenly Yoshiki looked back to me, I felt like I was in third grade and was caught cheating on a test.
“I think it’s going to be awhile Toshiya,” Yoshiki smiled. “If you want to cut out you can.”
***
A week passed since I noticed that look Shinya looked gave to him. We finally got my part of recording over with. The grueling thought spending those nights with Yoshiki, still wore away in my tired body.
Still I noticed a change within our drummer, he became quiet at meetings. I mean he always was, but if I made a joke or poked Die enough times in the arm he would at least crack a smile. This week he stayed silent throughout all my stupid feeble attempts. His head was always down, looking at papers and whenever Yoshiki looked at him he grew even meeker than a mouse.
Eventually we moved into rehearsals…that in itself was kind of a mess. The only way we managed to get through it all was to go drinking after words. We always asked Shinya to go, but he never did. The little hole in the wall bar we went to was on the way back to the hotel, though. So he would go at least that far with us, stopping at convince store to buy the most expensive pint of chocolate ice cream they had before saying goodbye. I wouldn’t think much of it but each and every day that week he bought one. He would just stay at the hotel, alone, while the rest of us went to the bar.
And that was exactly how today went. Practice was rough, we all went to the bar, and Shinya picked up his ice cream before abandoning us for the hotel.
“Shinya’s been kind of down lately,” I said out loud not really meaning too, probably the first sign that I drink too much already.
“Really?” it came from Kaoru I thought he would’ve been the first to know, but I guess he was our grand leader and was ridden the hardest by Yoshiki.
“I mean he hasn’t gone out with us in a while.”
“He’s never gone out with us.”
“But usually if we nag hard enough he does, and the ice cream.”
“You heard him say he likes the ice cream.”
“But he seems depressed.”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged finishing off his drink. “We all miss home. I’m sure he’s just missing his dog.”
I leaned back in the vinyl bench with a sigh, “But he’s seems so bad, and I swear I saw him cowering when Yoshiki spoke to him.”
“If you’re so worried why don’t you hang out with him?” that came from Die who only now seemed to care about something other than the beer in his hand.
It’s funny how that simple suggestion struck me so hard. I was Shinya’s friend after all, it was perfectly alright if I asked him what was wrong. Yet, I didn’t trust my own courage and ordered another drink before I left the bar. I walked in the early hours of the night back to the hotel and soon came to Shinya’s door. I knocked, and slowly he answered.
I swear if he waited just another moment I would’ve chickened out. He did come to the door dressed in a loose black shirt and tight fitting black jeans. He looked amazing even if his hair was disheveled, and he looked exhausted from our practice. I have to admit I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. His neck especially captivated me. His voice shook the thought out of my head.
“Toshiya?” He asked. “I thought you were out with everyone.”
“I was, but…then I wanted to see you,” again the alcohol, but I sounded so pathetic.
“What?”
“Can I come in?” I asked.
“Oh, yeah sure.”
He opened the door, and I walked in noticing the empty pint that rested on an end table. I sat on the little sofa that they had in all of our rooms, his was the mirror of mine though, which made everything seem a bit more skewed. Yet all the feelings inside wanted me to explode. I wanted to sing out and tell him everything. How I lusted after him and only made those brainless jokes so I could see him smile. Luckily I didn’t have that much to drink and was able to fight that desire.
Even with that I still had no clue how to get through this, or what this would become. I was actually in Shinya’s hotel room the place I dreamt about. I swear all those countless times that I woke up happy for no reason. I would see him later in that day and feel a small lingering. That’s when I would realize that in my dream we were together and that tugging was my heart wishing for that dream to come true.
“Shinya you seemed a bit down lately,” He remained silent, unmoving, but I pressed on. “You don’t really talk to any of us.”
He bit his lip this time, which I guess was a good start. It was better than nothing after all. I looked at him then at the empty ice cream carton. I wanted to make him smile. I wanted to see him smile forever.
“Did something happen? Was Die being an asshole to you again? I’ll kick his ass I swear.”
He shook his head, looking down as his frizzed hair falling across his shoulder. I scooted closer to him on the small sofa and put my hand on his shoulder. It came off as a friendly gesture and I gave him a crooked smiled too.
“I’m here for you, Shinya. Please tell me what’s going on.”
“I-I was stupid,” his voice weakened coming off like a shuttering lamb.
“Stupid what-why?”
“I was drumming with Yoshiki, and he was there and smiling and-and I went to kiss him. I know it’s odd but I-just-I just look up to him so much, and he was so close. He backed off and was nice about the whole thing, but I feel so ashamed now. I can’t even look at him anymore.”
“Aw, Shinya it’s okay.” I consulted even if I wished it was me.
“No- no,” he shook his head. “I was so stupid. I should’ve never tried to kiss him. It was stupid teenage day dream…”
He carried on for a few minutes, and I just watched, ignoring his words. He looked so cute, a small blush on his face and his hair badly damaged from a bad bleaching job. I put my hand on his check and pulled up his chin. Our gazes held, and I could see his eyes glistened and a small tear ran down the corner of his eye.
“I’m so stupid, Toshiya.”
I leaned forward and kissed him. He didn’t react, frozen with my lips upon him.
“You’re not stupid, Shinya.”
“I-”
“And I don’t mind if you want to kiss me.” I smiled.
He gave me a faint one of return and slowly nodded, “I would like that.”
Pairings/Characters: Toshiya X Shinya and mentions of Yoshiki X Shinya
Rating: PG
Warnings: Nothing is real and I own nothing.
Notes: um…I hope this makes my V-day person happy! Also it is true when Shinya was in LA he would eat a pint of ice cream every day.
Summary: Set during the making of Gauze (about 2000) Toshiya always liked Shinya, but quickly found out that his feelings would never be returned. As the nights worn on in LA Shinya seemed to get more and more depressed, and with a subtle suggestion Toshiya gets what he always dreamt of.
notes: for tosemeku forjrock_valentine
It was today I noticed it. The way Shinya looked differently at Yoshiki than he did at any of us, or anyone else I’ve ever seen for that matter. At first I didn’t think much about that look. They were both drummers after all. I’m sure if Taiji were producing us I would’ve smiled even if he sneezed on me. Yet, today as I sat at our little meeting I knew that this wasn’t a simple infatuation.
Kaoru was talking with Die about guitar or something. I don’t know. I was bored and looking around. That’s when my gaze caught up with Shinya’s, and I noticed the twinkle in his eyes as Yoshiki gave him a friendly smile. Now I really didn’t think the whole glitter and rainbow thing happened in real life, yet there it was right in front of me. Shinya had lost all focus on us and was completely absorbed in the casual conversation with Yoshiki.
I would be lying if I didn’t say it pissed me off to no end. Shinya was cute. In fact, after joining the band he was the first one I had my eye on. I would parade around hoping to get his attention, acting like an idiot so he would notice me. I once casually asked Die why Shinya was so quiet and just…disconnected from everyone. Die gave a half-assed answered that if Shinya didn’t care to talk to you he wouldn’t. He then pointed out that he cared for no one but his dog. He seemed a bit bitter. With that new found knowing, a night of drinking, and a random fuck I concluded it was for the best. He was my band mate after all, and from then I hadn’t thought much of it.
…Fine I admit it. I still lusted after him. I can never really give up that easily. I just wasn’t as open about it. Today, however, after seeing how he looked at Yoshiki I became a bit jealous because I knew what was lingering behind the drummer’s eyes.
***
“Can you do that part again but with more feeling,” Yoshiki asked, again.
I sighed, sitting back on the sofa. This recording was taking forever, and I wasn’t even sure if we’d get to my part today like Yoshiki suggested. Seeing Shinya eat up every word Yoshiki said like just made me aggravated.
“You have to make me believe you’re feeling the music here. You’ll have to do it again maybe play it a half note higher.”
Yoshiki continued using the same lines he always did, convincing us to play this note higher here or lower there. It was a mindless and sometimes frustrating cause of repeating over and over the same notes, pushing all of us harder than anyone before. I knew in the end it was best being produced by him. It would have probably taken us a decade to get to the same level if we were doing it alone. It was for the best even if it was grueling.
I let out a sigh, probably a bit more dramatic than I wished. I already gave up pretending that I was ready to jump into the recording booth at any moment, my bass having been propped up against a far wall ages ago. It probably made it worse that each time Shinya gave one of those cute little smiles to Yoshiki I curled my toes in a subtle frustration.
Suddenly Yoshiki looked back to me, I felt like I was in third grade and was caught cheating on a test.
“I think it’s going to be awhile Toshiya,” Yoshiki smiled. “If you want to cut out you can.”
***
A week passed since I noticed that look Shinya looked gave to him. We finally got my part of recording over with. The grueling thought spending those nights with Yoshiki, still wore away in my tired body.
Still I noticed a change within our drummer, he became quiet at meetings. I mean he always was, but if I made a joke or poked Die enough times in the arm he would at least crack a smile. This week he stayed silent throughout all my stupid feeble attempts. His head was always down, looking at papers and whenever Yoshiki looked at him he grew even meeker than a mouse.
Eventually we moved into rehearsals…that in itself was kind of a mess. The only way we managed to get through it all was to go drinking after words. We always asked Shinya to go, but he never did. The little hole in the wall bar we went to was on the way back to the hotel, though. So he would go at least that far with us, stopping at convince store to buy the most expensive pint of chocolate ice cream they had before saying goodbye. I wouldn’t think much of it but each and every day that week he bought one. He would just stay at the hotel, alone, while the rest of us went to the bar.
And that was exactly how today went. Practice was rough, we all went to the bar, and Shinya picked up his ice cream before abandoning us for the hotel.
“Shinya’s been kind of down lately,” I said out loud not really meaning too, probably the first sign that I drink too much already.
“Really?” it came from Kaoru I thought he would’ve been the first to know, but I guess he was our grand leader and was ridden the hardest by Yoshiki.
“I mean he hasn’t gone out with us in a while.”
“He’s never gone out with us.”
“But usually if we nag hard enough he does, and the ice cream.”
“You heard him say he likes the ice cream.”
“But he seems depressed.”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged finishing off his drink. “We all miss home. I’m sure he’s just missing his dog.”
I leaned back in the vinyl bench with a sigh, “But he’s seems so bad, and I swear I saw him cowering when Yoshiki spoke to him.”
“If you’re so worried why don’t you hang out with him?” that came from Die who only now seemed to care about something other than the beer in his hand.
It’s funny how that simple suggestion struck me so hard. I was Shinya’s friend after all, it was perfectly alright if I asked him what was wrong. Yet, I didn’t trust my own courage and ordered another drink before I left the bar. I walked in the early hours of the night back to the hotel and soon came to Shinya’s door. I knocked, and slowly he answered.
I swear if he waited just another moment I would’ve chickened out. He did come to the door dressed in a loose black shirt and tight fitting black jeans. He looked amazing even if his hair was disheveled, and he looked exhausted from our practice. I have to admit I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. His neck especially captivated me. His voice shook the thought out of my head.
“Toshiya?” He asked. “I thought you were out with everyone.”
“I was, but…then I wanted to see you,” again the alcohol, but I sounded so pathetic.
“What?”
“Can I come in?” I asked.
“Oh, yeah sure.”
He opened the door, and I walked in noticing the empty pint that rested on an end table. I sat on the little sofa that they had in all of our rooms, his was the mirror of mine though, which made everything seem a bit more skewed. Yet all the feelings inside wanted me to explode. I wanted to sing out and tell him everything. How I lusted after him and only made those brainless jokes so I could see him smile. Luckily I didn’t have that much to drink and was able to fight that desire.
Even with that I still had no clue how to get through this, or what this would become. I was actually in Shinya’s hotel room the place I dreamt about. I swear all those countless times that I woke up happy for no reason. I would see him later in that day and feel a small lingering. That’s when I would realize that in my dream we were together and that tugging was my heart wishing for that dream to come true.
“Shinya you seemed a bit down lately,” He remained silent, unmoving, but I pressed on. “You don’t really talk to any of us.”
He bit his lip this time, which I guess was a good start. It was better than nothing after all. I looked at him then at the empty ice cream carton. I wanted to make him smile. I wanted to see him smile forever.
“Did something happen? Was Die being an asshole to you again? I’ll kick his ass I swear.”
He shook his head, looking down as his frizzed hair falling across his shoulder. I scooted closer to him on the small sofa and put my hand on his shoulder. It came off as a friendly gesture and I gave him a crooked smiled too.
“I’m here for you, Shinya. Please tell me what’s going on.”
“I-I was stupid,” his voice weakened coming off like a shuttering lamb.
“Stupid what-why?”
“I was drumming with Yoshiki, and he was there and smiling and-and I went to kiss him. I know it’s odd but I-just-I just look up to him so much, and he was so close. He backed off and was nice about the whole thing, but I feel so ashamed now. I can’t even look at him anymore.”
“Aw, Shinya it’s okay.” I consulted even if I wished it was me.
“No- no,” he shook his head. “I was so stupid. I should’ve never tried to kiss him. It was stupid teenage day dream…”
He carried on for a few minutes, and I just watched, ignoring his words. He looked so cute, a small blush on his face and his hair badly damaged from a bad bleaching job. I put my hand on his check and pulled up his chin. Our gazes held, and I could see his eyes glistened and a small tear ran down the corner of his eye.
“I’m so stupid, Toshiya.”
I leaned forward and kissed him. He didn’t react, frozen with my lips upon him.
“You’re not stupid, Shinya.”
“I-”
“And I don’t mind if you want to kiss me.” I smiled.
He gave me a faint one of return and slowly nodded, “I would like that.”